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boyfriend displeased with my behavior
Posted: Jun 25, 2012
My boyfriend is often displeased with my behavior and will tell me how I messed up and how he wants me to behave. The latest is when he is driving the car he is both aggressive and at times inattentive. If we are about to hit a mailbox, drive off the side of the road, hit a deer (a few examples) I will often say something like "Wo!" Now, I am not terrifically excitable person so these are not loud outbursts. Now he has told me he does not like this and that I need to keep quiet. My brain seems to be wired to express alarm and twice since his instructions to keep quiet I have made sounds. After these sounds I have said "oh gosh I'm not supposed to do that!" well, I said it to remind myself, to let him know that I realized I had erred, and also because it just came out! Now he is irritated about that and has told me not to do that either. My point is that an abrupt change in my behavior is hard and may take time, and I think he may have overly high expectations. Nor is this an isolated incident, I am frequently letting him down. Sometimes I feel like there are soany behavior rules that I can't keep them straight. Does anyone else have this problem?
;
Get out now - MTgrandma
[ In Reply To ..]Please get out while you can....you are involved with a controlling abusive man, telling you how to "behave" like he owns you. This will only get worse and he will dictate every aspect of your life, it is a form of abuse and will possibly escalate to physical abuse when you displease him by speaking or doing something else he forbids. And it will not be his fault (he will tell you) it will be yours because you did something you knew he did not like and it will be your fault he has to punish you and after a while you will believe him. GET OUT NOW--my sister lived like this for years before she had the strength to leave him--I only wish she had told me what he was really like before so that we could have helped her escape earlier. It may not be easy to leave now, but please do....this is NOT normal behavior.
Mums-the-word - Runamok
[ In Reply To ..]I was married to a man like that when I was 21. This behavior gets worse. You should not have to change, and his inattention and carelessness when driving IS a problem! You should get get excited when he is about to hit a deer, run off the road, etc.
You should run, not walk, away from this control freak! If he is violent, make sure you get help in getting away from him.
There is nothing wrong with you so don't let him make you think there is. He is playing on that!
Put your big girl panties on, give him one last "whoa" and tell him to hit the road. I can't even stomach people like this. Sorry, but he has issues!!! Just my opinion.
recurring problem? - justme
[ In Reply To ..]Seems like there is someone posting this exact same issue every few months. Last time it was an older woman and we counseled perhaps he has early dementia. I could be wrong, but it would only take a search to find the almost identical post.
Either this is made up for YOUR entertainment or .... - mt2
[ In Reply To ..]you have a screw loose for putting up with this crap. Why would you stay with someone that controlling? I'd stick my foot up his ass and leave.
wow - sm
[ In Reply To ..]Either the poster is fabricating or she's nuts? Maybe you have a screw loose.
I lived like that for a few years... sm - ipodgirl
[ In Reply To ..]My ex-boyfriend was like that too. I finally got out, and it was the best thing I could have done for myself and my kids. Please get out now. I don't know what will happen if you don't, but I wouldn't want to stick around to find out if I were you. It turns out that my ex-boyfriend has narcissistic personality disorder, and it almost sounds like what is going on in your situation. I began to feel so much better the minute I left him. Also, if and when you do leave, do not keep in touch with him. Basically you should just leave and never look back.
Sounds like a classic control freak! - Been there, done that, and GONE! nm
[ In Reply To ..]x
Sad MT - sm
[ In Reply To ..]Do me a favor. Mentally remove yourself from your own situation. Imagine that you are an intelligent, logical, and professional woman who is confident, has good self-esteem, is self-sufficient, and knows her worth.
Now, go back and read the wording in your post and the impression that it gives. What kind of women do you think have this problem? Cowardly? Someone who is controlled, told how to "behave," and is verbally/physically abused? Are you one of them? Do you still need advice?
I would leave. - Dickens
[ In Reply To ..]It sounds like he's a controlling person, and it sounds like you are kind of timid, which probably annoys him and makes him even MORE of an ass than normal.
I dated a jerk for 14 years before I left. It was hard and he lost it completely, but I have never, EVER made a better decision. My mistake was waiting so long.
Three little words... - DUMP HIM NOW! nm
[ In Reply To ..]XX
he's the control freak - CrazyMama
[ In Reply To ..]DUMP HIM AND RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!!
THIS IS A PRECURSOR TO PHYSICAL ABUSE, AS HE IS ALREADY MENTALLY ABUSING YOU!!!
THERE ARE GOOD GUYS OUT THERE. LOSE THE ZERO AND GET A HERO!!!
The curb - Keyboard Goddess
[ In Reply To ..]Kick him to it.
If my boyfriend didn't like me as I am, TOO BAD! - He would quickly be shown the door.
[ In Reply To ..]Control-freaks like you describe often go on to become emotional, and then physical ABUSERS.
It might be wise to start asking yourself why you're even still with him.
I had this experience - wheres_my_job
[ In Reply To ..]my brother was driving. It was in the country. He was looking at the cows. He didn't see the car up ahead. I screamed, not a loud scream, but a scream all the same. He hit the brakes, therefore we didn't crash into the stopped car up ahead of us.
My sister-in-law was sitting between us in the front seat. She said thank you.
That's what your boyfriend should be saying, when you act as his personal bad driving alarm system. He should be thanking you.
He's got his own issues to work out. As do you. So let him go his way with his issues, and you go yours with yours.
Save yourself a WHOLE LOT OF TROUBLE.
control freak - NC MT
[ In Reply To ..]I was married to a control freak for 23 years and had five kids. I had always been shy, but had relatively high self esteem. Within a few years, my self esteem was at the bottom; all of my kids have low self esteem, and most of them were in gifted and talented classes at school. Control freak started out verbally and eventually worked up to physical abuse. He finally left for another woman, 13 years younger than him; she'd been around the block a few times, having been married 4 times. His leaving was one of the best thing that ever happened to me. The best thing was I met a wonderful man and we had 16 very happy years together before he expired.
So, don't look back -- just look ahead and get away from this freak.
Sad MT: How old are you? I am finding this - post hard to believe NM
[ In Reply To ..]x
Don't some of you think this is a strange post? - She doesn't even SM
[ In Reply To ..]question whether there is something wrong. She says she is having a hard time learning how to be a "good girl".
no, I don't think it's strange - sm
[ In Reply To ..]It sounds to me like the poster IS questioning whether something is wrong. Perhaps she has never been in a controlling relationship and does not recognize the pattern.
LEAVE. IMMEDIATELY. NOW !! nm - Dallas Ink
[ In Reply To ..].
Found a solution - to the Road Rager
[ In Reply To ..]Scaring me while driving by my passive-aggressive husband was an issue a couple of months ago. I posted here and received some very good advice (along with the tired old "get out now" blather--true in some cases, perhaps, but such a knee-jerk response). I had a very serious conversation with him, He denied doing it on purpose. I made an appointment with his doctor which he did not keep because he claimed there was nothing wrong with him. So I said if if it wasn't physical, it must be mental, was he mad at me. No, no, no, blah, blah. I then bought a squirt gun, didn't tell him about it, and the first time he swerved I shot him in the ear with it. (Hey, if you're going to die going off the road you might a squirt gun is the way to go.) He was furious! I was very calm and said I was just trying to help him be more attentive. He has not done it since. Men are like dogs, loving and loyal, but sometimes they need to stay off the couch--or on the road.
displeased - bspen
[ In Reply To ..]Really, read this out loud to your mother, sister, your best friend, or even to yourself then ask is this ok???
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