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Orbituary column: This privacy thing has gone a little far, say someone


Posted: Jan 6, 2010

name, address, father's name, mother's name, etc., etc. and you call the funeral home trying to make sure this is the same person you think it is (a neighbor that used to live behind me for almost 30 years), you give everything and the funeral home says they cannot say it is the same person? They told me they could call the family of the deceased and maybe then they could call me. I said what if wrong family, no I would not put anyone through that and how do I know to show up for either funeral or memorial? The family lives in another town now from me and I have no way of finding out. My goodness, this lack of privacy has gone over the top so it seems.

;

funeral question answer sm - Sr. Wordsmith

[ In Reply To ..]
Try Google,real estate record for that town, Ancestry.com, etc., it is frustrating. Sometimes the widow or widower wants it this way. I have my own question, strange you were talking funeral. That's the reason I came on today. You can always send a card later. Nice thought though.

Knowing this family, I am sure that would not be their - Not knowing

[ In Reply To ..]
wishes. The notice was written George M. __ and the way I knew this guy by Michael so I am telling the funeral home do not know because I knew him by Michael. I said I knew he was sick before I left there- where he said that might give you a clue- but I moved in 2004 and now it is 2010 so not much clue there that many years later. Send a card? DonĂ¢€™t know if it was him and the home was in his father's name so still no answer there. I personally just think funeral home as he said not allowed to give out information???

Obits - Vikefan

[ In Reply To ..]
Our local obits used to say what the person died of. They don't anymore.

I'm surprised they still put the address in there. So many homes get broken into while funerals are taking place. It's sick, but burglers see it as a prime opportunity. Most of the time, they publish a picture of the person. I used to think that obits were free, as a service to the people. I was very surprised to find out how expensive to find out just how expensive they are.

obits - Gem

[ In Reply To ..]
You're right about the burglary issue, you should have someone stay at your home. Someone knocked on my door when I was at a family funeral and I had a friend here. They said they were selling pots and pans. Yeah, right. Obits in our local paper run about $700 and some are laughable. They can make the worst-behaved person look like a saint. There was a recent one where the guy deserted his children, hadn't seen them or cared about them in 40 years. They made him sound like "Dad of the Year." Most of it was about his accomplishments, nothing that he left his kids for his secretary and broke all ties with the kids. Funny stuff sometimes, gets rid of the guilt, I guess.

Talking about father of the year, let me tell you my story - Daughter

[ In Reply To ..]
father's funeral. I would not call him a dead-beat father, he paid his required child support (although when my brother turned 18 then got reduced even though brother still attending college). My father was terribly ugly with me. I tried helping him anyway possible after his wife died (stepmom to me). When my brother killed in an MVA, father asked my mother for the amount needed to pay for the opening of the grave site, yes he did. He had the money, that was not an issue. When my father died, also in MVA, my maternal aunt and I went to the preacher and I informed him I did not want my father portrayed as a loving, caring father. I told him what he could say, that being my father was a hard worker and he had lots of friends that he cared about. I wanted the truth be told,not a pack of lies. I see obits where everything seems so sweet and loving and the biggest angel around. The preacher looked shocked but he honored my requests and that was what I wanted as his next of kin. The service was honest, like it should be.
Fathers - vikefantam
[ In Reply To ..]
You did a very nice thing. You did not in any way ask the preacher to say things that simply were not true, that were ugly. Instead, you focused on the positive things about your father. Bravo for you!

Sound like you had it tough with her father and brother. Sorry to hear about that.

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