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I got myself into a mess

Posted: Oct 20, 2010

I admit it, I did a very stupid thing, but I need advice now. I moved in with a guy a couple of years ago. He turned out really quickly to be prince not so charming, bummed around more than worked, smoked dope, did coke and our domestic life became abusive, especially when he was high. He has been arrested NUMEROUS times in the past two years, yet it seems the law isnt on MY side and he gets out and comes back to my place because that's his "legal residence".

I was finally able to get him out and got a protective order and a no trespass order, but he clearly has no regard for these because when he is out of prison he cruises my street.

In the beginning I financed a motorcycle for him "to get to work". All the paperwork is in my name. The payments are drafted from my account.

Now, in the past 6 months he has sold my family heirlooms, my jewlery, a valuable coin collection, a RV and a few more things, that belonged legally to ME. That stuff is gone. There's no getting it back. He went kind of nuts, starting shooting off a gun in the neighborhood and got arrested again, was in for 3 weeks and is out again. He's already calling me, says he coming for "his" motorcycle. The call is violating the protective order already and I've made a report, but the officer asked if I was threatened or hurt. I was not so they just took an incident report. (?!?!?!?)

The motorcycle has been in storage in the past week because I decided I was going to sell it to recoop some of my loss. He has already found out where it is being stored (i don't know how) and I've told him that If he takes it I am going to report it stolen. He doesn't care.

I don't know what to do. I don't want him to have this motorcycle! I need money and can get some back when I sell it. I am so sick of the drama and so sick of being afraid. Anyone have advice or has gone through something similar? Looking for helpful tips. Thanks.

;

First, move the motorcycle. Also, how did - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
he sell an RV unless it was in his name? If in your name, that was illegal and I would report it stolen. If you have a protective order, even crusing up and down your street is violating it if the street is within the "protected range." Videotape him going by and once again call the police. When I had an EPO against my ex, he was not allowed on my street at all. As for the other things he sold, file a report with the police. They may do nothing, but it is one more mark against him if, heaven forbid, something else happens. As for the phone call, whether you were threatned or not, it is against the protective order and if the police won't do anything, contact your attorney. He sounds like a real nut case.

re: sm - Tiff

[ In Reply To ..]
He sold them to dopers (we assume) so the transactions are not valid. I don't know to who though, he won't tell and some of the items were reported stolen.

I am going to call the DA and tell them that he's already violating my PO by calling and tell them the police only took a report.

He is a nut job, that's what a lot of drugs do to people!

I do not understand how our system works, but it honestly does not seem to be "protecting" me at all. sometimes I feel like if he shoots me then and only then will something definitive be done! I mean, what I am going through is the stuff that they write movies about! You know, after the leading lady is dead!

I think I will move the motorcycle, but I just don't want to get any one in the middle of my mess.

thanks. I know I ranted on but I'm at the end of my rope and holding on by a thread. Thanks again.

I know what you mean. My ex actually threatened - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
to shoot both me and my BF during a phone conversation. I called my attorney, but he said that since it was over the phone--not actually in person--the cops wouldn't do anything about it.

I wish you all the best.

Sadly, the police - exasperated

[ In Reply To ..]
are often unable to do anything to protect you until you have actually been harmed! Keep a detailed record (times, dates, place) and record/video everything he does that is against restraining order. Call police every time to keep a record of his actions. Move that bike and PROTECT YOURSELF! Good luck and best wishes!

my ex money horror - :)

[ In Reply To ..]
My ex kicked me and the 3 kids out to make room for his mistress. I had no where but mom's to go for 3 months and I couldn't get everything. I went to Ga from Tn to get my things, like my 60 inch big screen, and he called the cops. The police said it was abandoned property. I explained the situation and they did NOT seem to care. They said I have to go to small claims. I have way more than $5,000 that he is keeping from me. I have recipts. How is that justice?

When I was ready to leave my ex I called an - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
attorney friend of mine. He said never ever leave, it can be considered abandonment; and, if you must leave, take everything you want/own, etc., when you leave. You cannot always get whatever back if you leave it there until there is a divorce and you go through settlement issues.

What? - Seriously.

[ In Reply To ..]
Move. Even if you have to go to another state just pick up and move. Have a friend load the motorcycle into the U-Haul for you and hit the road. Stop letting him back in. He had to be back in order to sell your items so he's to blame but it's only going to happen if you continue to let it.

re: what - Kim

[ In Reply To ..]
What? right back atcha!

Seriously?? My ex kept coming back playing the "marital or community property card" over and over again, which is why he was able to keep taking and breaking stuff! I surely didn't allow it to happen, probably any more than the OP is!

I believe she said that he keeps (kept) coming back because that is his legal residence. Not because she "let" him.

Believe me (and the others here) in a situation like this, NOTHING is simple about breaking away and keeping him away. Absolutely NOTHING.

And, sadly, like she says, the law is generally not on her side! I had to be badly assaulted for them to finally arrest him and he was back out in 3 weeks, back around threatening, stealing.

I did move. I left my real job, my family, my friends, my lifetime hometown... Flat broke too. Now I don't look over my shoulder all the time, but I sure ain't happier for it.

I did not "continue to let it" happen.

Oh please..... - Why?

[ In Reply To ..]
Stop talking and get on with your life and rid of him. Been there, done that, got out. You don't stay and take abuse, I don't care how much you love them.

re: Please yourself - been there too

[ In Reply To ..]
I don't know who your addressing, but the OP apparently IS trying to get out of her situation. You can't say a thing until you walk a mile in another's shoes. Talk is CHEAP.

It is by no means as easy as just walking away in every instance. Just because you say this now doesn't mean you also didn't have a difficult time or a stalker psycho man who didn't know what "it's over" meant! Count your blessings instead of being snippy.

I lost EVERYTHING, even my little kids college savings that had been started by their grandparents! I lost my house, my vehicle, money and had to move away before I was able to "get on with my life and rid of him" as you say.

Either be a victim or don't be.. - That's the choices

[ In Reply To ..]
Pick your poison.

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