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Found porn on husbands computer.
Posted: Apr 27, 2011
Anyone else ever have this happen? I'm sickened.
;
Yep, I have - mad too
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Found a bunch of it on my ex-boyfriend's computer. I wanted to throw up, so I totally know how you feel. That was one of the reasons why we're not together anymore.
If it makes you so sick - dont look on his computer
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Your disgust is your own issue, not his.
If you can't live with a normal male behaving in a normal male way .. and viewing porn is normal male behavior .. then divorce him.
horse hockey - hideous
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Viewing porn is NOT "normal male behavior." I would not and do not tolerate it. My father, brother, husband and sons do not view porn. We all have the same value system, which is pornography is unhealthy and NOT normal male behavior. It sickens me to even hear someone say that. I remember when I was in 5th grade and I went to my friend's house and his father was looking at a playboy mag in the living room! It scared me and I ran home. It is NOT normal behavior. If people choose to view it or allow it to be viewed in their home or relationships that's a personal choice, but calling it "normal male behavior" not only belittles this woman, and is not giving men any credit for fortitude of their own will. Ridiculous.
I bet they dont masturbate either - Right?
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Not something you would tolerate?
totally agree with you though I know I am - sm - Agreewithyou
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in the minority. Too many women get freaked out by this. It is a picture, not a living breathing woman. Men are visual, they need that for stimulation. Men also think about sex a lot more than women ever do and many masterbate (daily) as well. This is normal behavior believe it or not. No man will admit this to a woman who they know will freak. Some guys do it more than others, some are addicted (obviously that is a problem). I know my DH has looked at some sometimes, big deal, though he does not save it on his computer. We have old magazines too, Playboy, Penthouse, thoughh he did not go out and buy them, they were given to him by neighbor when he did not want them anymore. I would look at the letters,etc, quite some interesting things in there sometimes. ---But if a man stops having sex with you and only "uses" his pictures for his fun then you (and they) have a problem.
If men have to think about women OTHER THAN THIER WIFE..... - sm
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They will eventually CHEAT on their wife. I used to date a guy who would look at porn on the internet, who cares, I didn't make a big deal out of it, but eventually he started looking more and more and then he CHEATED! I guess I wasn't "doing it for him" in the looks department, I don't know.
I am now married to a man who does not even want to see porn, yet he asks to see ME all of the time and continuously tells me how beautiful I am.
Here here - doesn't bother me - sm
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Men look at porn. They are men. It is a normal behavior no matter how much people don't want to believe it. Woman look at porn too. We have a nice healthy relationship for stuff we have found. People gotta lighten up and live a little. And as you say, it if makes you sick don't look at it. Personally, I would not invade my husband's personal space on his computer. I respect him too much, but hey, that's only me.
And as the saying goes... Let your hair down and dance.
Your tolerance - mes
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is your issue. It has been accepted as normal by those who like it and have convinced everyone that it is okay. To me it is disgusting and women who allow themselves to be exploited in porn are just as disgusting. Just my opinion.
I even look at it sometimes. - anon4this
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I don't think that it's a huge deal and my husband does not hide his porn. If he hid it, I might get angry. Of course, he doesn't hide it because I don't think it's a huge deal. Interesting how that works. As long as it's nothing too out there, I really don't care.
Agree with you. I look at my boyfriend's Playboys all the - nm
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time and we have gone on websites together. No big deal to me either.
re: don't look - Mia
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Looking at porn is not "normal male behavior". It falls under "deviant behaviors". Learned that in psych 101. Just because is is practically mainstream doesn't mean that we HAVE to be on board with it!
OP: If I had come across porn on out home computer I would have deleted it first, confronted him second. If it is something that your man can't live without, then counseling may be in order, if not then you may indeed have to look at your options...
Back to "don't look": AND when it is a couple, not an individual, it becomes THEIR issue, not just HIS or HERS. Such a flippant,angry, short response may be indicative of one who has decided to tolerate her husband's bad behavior? hmm.
um, hate to burst your bubble, but.... - Message for OP too - SM
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It is normal male behavior. Boys look at porn when they are at the age of curiosity and it they don't stop at a certain age. It's normal behavior to be curious, no matter how much you don't want it to be. Maybe for people who are puritans and prudes they may think otherwise, but the good thing is it is normal (depending on which type of porn that is).
To OP: Do not follow the advice of "deleting it first then confronting him" and whatever you do, don't "confront" him. He is a person. Your husband. Your equal. Not your child or your servant. Respect him and talk to him as your equal. Share your feelings with him and talk things out - don't "confront", talk. And if someone really did go through psych 101 they would know that. Talk to him as an equal, not as though you are in charge. Besides, if it is not your computer and you don't use it, it is not your right to delete it. Nobody has the right to invade anothers personal computer without their permission and do whatever they want to it. I know for sure I wouldn't want my husband coming to my computer and deleting out stuff of mine. This is my computer, not his. He doesn't have the right to invade my space and decide what I should and should not have on MY computer. Deleting your husbands files without his permission or knowledge is the worst ideas in the long, sad history of bad ideas.
Here's a good idea. Talk to your husband. Tell him it bothers you. Then see where it goes from there.
re: SM - mT
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I agree, don't "confront" him, but do address the issue.
to SM... there seems to be a lot of postings of people on here that feel that even though they are in a marriage or committed relationship that each party is entitled to have secrets from each other. I don't know what this stems from. I do believe in respecting each other's privacy, but has it really come to the point where each person in the relationship can't access each other's computer or phone at any given time without having to find out that their partner has a horrible secret? Like a porn addiction or on-line lover?
You say "invade", like there are lines drawn clearly in what is whose! I wonder then, do you have separate rooms as well? I mean, the whole idea behind relationships is to respect, love and SHARE!
Also, it's just MHO, but porn normal??? I don't think so. I think its all a matter of a person's tolerance and willingness to accept that into their lives. If they do, they I guess for them it becomes "normal". As for me, no. And I raised my son's to respect women and expect that their wives respect my boys, AND that they all respect and cherish their bodies and understand that your body is a one-time gift, meant to be cared for and prized, respected. What has happened to dignity and self-respect!?
The ditzy dumb bunny bleach blonde playboy women on television are dumber than a box of rocks! They make their money being laughed at and being naked! Beauty doesn't last. Dumb is forever.
My reply - SM
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I agree with you on some issues, kind of disagree on others.
Your last paragraph about the ditzy bunnies are dumb. Is SOO true. I hate the shows that glamour that.
Because my husband and I have separate computer and respect each others privacy doesn't mean we have anything to hide from each other. He can get on mine and I can get on his anytime and not be worried. But it's just a matter of privacy and we respect each other for that. Just because you are married doesn't mean you can't have your own space. We do share everything, but we also have our own rooms. If I want some privacy I come in here and he has his room and he has his privacy there. Not privacy where we shut the doors, but they are our own rooms with our own stuff.
There are different degrees of porn. Some are way past normal, but some are normal and people enjoy it. Just because you don't believe its normal, which for your lifestyle that's fine. But other people its part of their life and it's normal for them. You can say others lives are not normal, but I'm sure on the other foot they'd say yours (not you personally, just in general) is not normal. My A&U are very very church oriented and very very very prude to the point of being puritans. They think (and she told me so much one time), that having sex with someone is abnormal period, and since her days of childbearing are over (she never did have kids), that anyone past a certain age should no longer be having sex and just embrace in Gods love. No, sorry, I don't call that normal. Give me an occasional light porn that my husband and I enjoy and we learn new things about each other even after 30 years together. That to me is normal.
What I hear you saying is - mes
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that it is okay if both parties agree. I believe that. The OP obviously does not agree, so it is wrong. If you and your husband both think it is okay, than that is your business. I believe sexual issues are between a couple and they both have to be comfortable with their choices. It sounds like that is pretty much what you are saying.
My ex used to watch porn. Then he started taking video tapes of us having sex, which I did not agree with and let him know and destroyed the secret tapes. He kept doing it. Along with that, he was cheating on me. Well, that is why he is an ex.
I think that a man that watches porn and his wife does not want him to really doesn't respect her and I have to wonder what else he is doing.
As far as the privacy thing. When I got re-married to a great guy, it became yours, mine and ours. If I want to go on his computer, I go on it. If he wants to go on my computer, he can. To me, the privacy issue does not extend to stuff like that when you are married. If my husband forbid me from going on his computer, I would definitely have to find out what he is hiding. I prefer to do certain bathroom functions alone as does he and that is privacy between married couples.
Frankly, if my husband had a Playboy subscription, I wouldn't allow it. If he was online watching sex videos, I wouldn't allow it.
Again, the OP sounds like she does not like it, so she has to take the bull by the hands and decide what she wants to do about it.
I agree, but one thing here - SM
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Yes, that's exactly what I was saying.
The one thing is the OP didn't say she talked to her husband about it yet. She just said she found it on his computer. I'd like to know what happened after she talked to him. All I was saying is to just talk to him, not confront. In my marriage we don't "confront". If something is bothering one of us we sit and talk about it. Neither one of us has the right to "confront" each other. Just kind of falls back to the respect thing. So I was just saying sit down, talk with him as equals and get things cleared up. Have her tell him she doesn't like it. But not go in and delete his stuff.
I guess my DH and my relationship is different. We share everything. We don't hide anything, but yet we give each other breathing room and I don't invade his stuff without asking first and vice versa. We certainly don't have anything to hide from each other, but we both have our own computers and our own rooms with our own stuff (from our childhood years and hobbies - mines definitely a girl room and his is definitely a boy's room :-) ), but I guess we just respect each other to at least ask if we can look at something first before just jumping on. I just call that trust and respect, but everyone is different.
I totally agree - mes
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Yes, she needs to talk to him, not confront. If he reacts badly, then there is a problem.
We also don't hide anything and I find no need to go on my husbands computer and vise versa. I'm just saying that if I needed to go on his or he mine, there is no problem either. I have had to go on his for work before when mine crashed and he wasn't home. When he got home, I told him I had to go on there to work and no problem. Like you said, just respect, not permission.
I think ALL men look a porn. What would make ME - mad is if it was CHILD porn.
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That's a whole nother ball game, or as Dr. Phil might say, a "deal-breaker".
not all men look at porn/that's an excuse for - disgusting behavior/nm
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nm
re: Dr Phil - gr
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I can't stand Dr. Phil. He is practically anti-male, all about the extreme feminist agenda with his little sitting-in-the-audience wife always waiting, being fed what to say...
I would like to get my hands on some - Dr. Phil porn!
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anyone?
Child Porn - SM
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Child porn would do more than make me mad. It would make me leave.
It is very sickening! - Ang
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Unfortunately, our society tries to act like this is "normal" behavior of men. I think not!! Looking at this stuff can lead to other behavior and it corrupts and infects your mind. Read what Ted Bundy said about Playboy magazines......
Oh for Pete's sake, Ted Bundy? You're going - hold up Teddy
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as the poster child for porn as a gateway to killing?
As for Psych 101, how long ago was that? Times, research, and knowledge have changed.
If the H was HIDING porn, then he has a problem. If the wife was snooping, then SHE has a problem. Seems like there might be trust issues in the marriage, no?
Agree with Ang and others - (sm)
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To see and be excited by the sight of a nude woman is normal male behavior, but the pornography many men are looking at is anything but normal. Unfortunately, as time progresses and pornography becomes more and more pervasive and hard core, men expect different behaviors from women than what is actually normal and become unsatisfied with normal, and many women (especially but not exclusively younger) accept it as normalcy and feel that they must do things that are not normal in order to please/get/keep a man. They all become more and more accepting of abnormal behaviors as normal. In researching the issue some years ago, I have, quite by accident, had disgusting images seared into my brain and I cannot get rid of them. They are not images of normal people having normal sex, they are of unimaginable behavior that, when I recall the images and some of the things I read during that period of time, cause me to weep for all of those involved and affected. Ever heard of human trafficking? Many women/girls who do not want to do so are forced into performances for the production of this insidious cancer of humanity. It is completely disgusting and anyone who supports pornography's existence financially owns responsibility for this sex slavery and the treatment of women as lesser human beings in society in general, as do those who willingly participate, which in many cases is financially motivated rather than something they aspire to do and enjoy doing.
What about the men who participate? Aren't they - being exploited, as well?
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It drives me crazy that everyone wants equality, but only on his/her own terms and only if it is beneficial to him/her.
However, back to the porn issue--as people "become more and more accepting of abnormal behaviors" and begin engaging in them, eventually these behaviors do become normal. I am certainly not saying that they become moral or correct, but when there are more people engaging in them than not, they are, in fact, normal.
I certainly do not think that my husband or myself looking at a little porn is going to cause either one of us to go out to stalk or kill anyone. These are people with preexisting problems who would probably find something else to blame their behavior on in the absence of pornography. You certainly do not need to look at porn if you decide not to, but not everyone who does is necessarily deviant. Not everyone who looks at it thinks that women are lesser human beings and many people who engage in making porn are, as you pointed out, willing participants. Whatever the motives behind that, it is not your place to judge.
Yes they are - sm
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Yes, men and women both who allow themselves to be exploited are disgusting. Yeah, that is why our world is the way it is is because we all "accept" this and other types of behavior. There are no morals anymore. I guess if both partners are accepting of this behavior in their home, it is one thing, but the OP obviously doesn't like it and her husband should not be doing it. It amazes me the things that have become acceptable behavior in this world today. To the poster above, I am not a prude, just have morals. Personally, I find it disgusting when I have to watch television with my kids and am subject to commercials for Viagra, Extendz and KY-Jelly. It's disgusting.
You do realize that every generation seems to think - that the world is getting worse.
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I tend to think that the bad stuff is just better publicized. I also think that attacking this husband is not going to lead to anything good. Obviously, I don't think that porn is really all that bad, so I guess that I am contributing to the decline of society. I, too, have morals and just because our opinions on porn differ does not mean that I don't.
As far as finding it disgusting when you "have to watch television with my kids and am subject to commercials for Viagra, Extendz and KY-Jelly," I don't think that you HAVE to watch TV at all. By the way, my morals dictate that my children don't watch shows that have that type of commercial during the show.
Excuse me - sm
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Those commercials are on anything and everything nowadays. We watch car racing and they are on there. Should my 15-year-old not be allowed to watch car racing or Monster Trucks?
You can go on believing that stuff is just better publicized. There are no morals left anymore in this country. Everything is about making money any way possible and nobody cares about morals anymore. That is what has happened.
And it's all because of porn! - I thought you just said you had morals.
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Now nobody cares about morals, except you, of course. I think that you are wrong, but continue to live in your ain't-it-awful world if that makes you happy.
Not sure what your saying - sm
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I said we like to watch car racing, how does that make me immoral? I don't like the Viagra or Eztendz commercials that we have to watch.
This subject did get off track and I apologize for my part in that to the OP, but it got into sexuality flaunted everywhere. Anyway, as I said to the OP, no, porn is not a normal male behavior, my husband is a male and does not look at porn, so do a lot of other men I know and they are males. If a pretty girl walks by does he look? Yeah, sometimes. Does he have to watch porn on the computer? No.
Dr. Phil is not a whatever the person called him. He just doesn't believe in mistreating women or mistreating anybody for that matter. Just commenting on someone's comment above. I don't like talk shows and don't really watch Dr. Phil but know who he is and have seen him.
To the OP, you do what you want, but I would definitely have a talk with my husband.
What I am saying is that you are awfully judgemental. - There are plenty of people who look
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at porn and still have morals. Why is it that you think that your way is the only way? I personally don't care if you choose not to watch porn, but to say that the whole country is going down the tubes because some people do is outrageous. I would much rather my husband look at a picture of a nude woman than look at a real one. (Not that the two are mutually exclusive, or that it has to be an either/or situation. Please don't misread that.) I just find that I am not that bothered by it. I don't think that makes me deviant or immoral. You, on the other hand, apparently do. As for what you or your children watch on TV, I really don't care (even if it's porn). I tend to record everything and skip through the commercials--maybe that would be a good way for you to get around the commercials you find disgusting.
I thought that calling people disgusting was a little - judgemental. My bad.
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Not judgment, just your opinion.
Morals, morals, morals... - imustsay
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Definition of morals:
1. A person's own standards of behavior or beliefs concerning what is and is not acceptable for them to do.
2. A lesson, esp. one concerning what is right or prudent for that person, that can be derived from a story, a piece of information, or an experience.
Just because some people don't think porn is the devil, they don't have morals? I was raised with morals, ethics and respect--and I am raising my children the same way.
re: Pete's sake - sd
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How long have you been out of school!? since the 60's? I just took my psych and am in abnormal psych class now. It is a deviant behavior gone mainstream. That's all. It is an issue that can lead to bigger sexual deviances.
As far as a husband and wife "snooping", there should be no reason in a solid relationship that either could not access each other's computers, phones, et cetera, without having to worry about finding something there that bothers the other.
It's a "problem" if it bothers her, his wife. It's not a "problem" if he doesn't bother her. It clearly bothers her. No? Yes, I thought so.
Times haven't changed, tolerance has changed and it's a damn shame too. We have to expose our kids to men and women speaking their minds waving the "free speech card", carrying out lewd acts in public and expecting us to put up with it, dressed inappropriately leaving nothing to the imagination, and to watching material on television that no child should have to deal with until they're at least 16! No wonder porn is rampant!
Even the adult film industry "stars" are on prime time TV now??? Society has gone to hell in a handbasket. Attitudes like yours are part of the problem too.
Just a comment about something you said - see message
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There IS a VERY good reason (actually an excellent reason) why a husband and wife should not be "snooping" in the others computer. It's called privacy and respect. There is nothing on my computer here that would bother him and vice versa, but what would bother both of us is the outright disrespect that would show towards the other. We would say to each other "how dare you disrespect me that you look at my computer without my permission". But sorry, guess I just respect my DH too much to invade his privacy and luckily he feels the same way too. There have been times when he's asked if he can look something up if he's on this side of the house, and that's fine. He respects me to ask my permission first and that is what is great about our relationship.
Porn, playboy, etc is a personal choice. Some will find it as "deviant behavior" others are fine with it. It's a personal choice. My "church" aunt would consider it deviant behavior but I sure would not want to live my life like hers. Everyone has a different opinion of what is "deviant" and different instructors teach psych classes differently. They interject their own personal feelings towards a subject matter.
Times HAVE changed and so has tolerance and that's a GREAT thing. Otherwise, we'd be stuck back being stoned to death, burned at the stake, woman would not be able to wear slacks, and woman would not be able to vote.
I guess I will just have to disagree with you. And your attitude comment was uncalled for, because as far as I can see it's attitudes like yours that are part of the problem. Thank God the world is changing.
I believe times AND tolerance have changed - Makes me sick
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How many children are raised in dysfunctional and even dangerous homes? How many see one of mom's boyfriend's leave and the next week another one moves in? How many go to church anymore? How many reality television shows have more words bleeped out than are audible? How many times in public do you hear profanity, and even hear little children subjected to the F word by their parents. I'm not young anymore, and with age comes a little bit of wisdom. You are correct about the hell in a hand basket theory.
Don't knock it... - imustsay
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Did you even consider that looking at porn (we all know there's different types, blah, blah.) can DETER one thing leading to another? I think a lot of it comes from generations someone grew up in, family teachings, or lack of foresight in the matter, etc. Men (and women!!) look at porn to become aroused. The men are NOT fantisizing about having sex with this person he's watching. I think that may be part of some of the hurt people feel. Just the act of two people enjoying sex is what they are looking for. They don't want to be the guy in the porn, it's mearly the mental thought of having sex--no matter who they are watching. Well said before--they are visual creatures. I agree there are addictions and extremes (in the case of child porn, beasteality, you should alert the police THATS not normal behavior.) Porn can be something sensual you and your partner can watch together. I'll say it! I like watching porn! The majority of males do too, and once my HB (boyfriend at the time) saw that I loved it--maybe even moreso--than he....why would he have to hide it? There are some people who strongly disagree, and then there are others way over on the other end of the spectrum. No judgement, no shame. Men will do it. Infact, I'm pretty sure there are dozens like you that don't even know its going on, because their husbands did delete it. Some people prefer a little excitement in their bedrooms, while others prefer to stay prudential and are happy with their (or sometimes even, lack of) sex life. If your not open to suggestion (and they make "women friendly" porn as well), don't be quick to think he wants to be with someone else, he doesn't think your sexy, or that because of this he will stray.
I don't know what I would do, but I would be very concerned - sm
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I can't imagine how you feel. I would be devastated and very concerned about him. That's not healthy behavior. Wish I had a solution for you.
From all the people I have met, in real life and on line... - Kicker
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The most bitter, angry, judgmental, and distrustful people are also coincidentally incredibly sexually repressed.
Visual depictions of sexual organs and sexual acts goes back to when humans learned to draw on cave walls. Ancient Egpyt anyone? Ever check out any of those glyphs and the icons they used to worship their gods? What about the ancient Romans? What about modern-day Europeans and their bare breasts and speedos at the beaches and whatnot? Is that pornographic too?
If morals are truly up for discussion, isn't it against some moral code to snoop around on someone's computer without their permission?
I think you should call the police - about your husbands perversion
[ In Reply To ..]
He should not be allowed to inhabit decent human society.
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Congressional aides suspected of criminally misusing their access to House computer systems owed $100,000 to an Iraqi politician who is wanted by U.S. authorities and has been linked to Hezbollah, the Iranian-backed Middle Eastern terrorist outfit.
Imran Awan and four of his relatives were employed as information technology (IT) aides by dozens of House Democrats, including members of the intelligence, foreign affairs and homeland security committees. The aides’ adm ...
Leading Research Doc Says Their Pocket Computer Should Be Checking Your SymptomsMar 27, 2013more -- more information that's all about YOU, not just published results of generic studies done on other people some other place, some other time.
Dr. Eric Topol, a big name in American medicine, is taking his call for progress to the people in the hopes of shaking the medical profession out of its rut. "We’re at this unique time, the biggest shake-up in the history of medicine."
[The article below starts getting good a few paragraphs down, so keep reading. ]
Creative ...
IRS Cancelled Contract With Email Firm After Computer "crash."Jun 23, 2014nm ...
This Election -- The Porn Election?Oct 03, 2012Apparently, Obama's campaign twitter account is following a porn feed. Of course, a porn star endorsed Romney. Ya just gotta shake your head at all of it.
DO NOT open the link if bad language offends you. ...
Found Something In My PieJan 30, 2012Last night I purchased a pie from a large chain grocery store that bakes on the premises and whose reputation is very good. I bought it for the others in my house, but decided to taste it this morning after they raved about it. I put my fork around what felt like a large chocolate chunk, put it in my mouth, and it turned out to be a metal frosting decorator tip. I didn't bite it or swallow it, as I was going to let it melt in my mouth to just savor the one bite I was going to indulge in. ...
My Dog Is Found!!!!!Sep 22, 2011I posted the other day about my dog being gone & was afraid my neighbor might have shot him. Not the case! A lady called me this afternoon, having seen my poster, and told me where to find him. He was at a campground about 10 miles away! He is glad to be home, but is sleeping, lots of stick-tights on him and a few cuts, but happy! Thanks for all your thoughts & prayers!!! ...
I Found This Feb 16, 2017Whether he's nuts or not, people are questioning his behavior and incompetence to fulfill the duty of president. ...
Oh, Wow. I Just Found Out On The Five That (sm)May 30, 2014the C-I-C sat down with Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan at the WH YESTERDAY and did a live interview about the "concussion summit." OMG - with all that was going on yesterday, I'm so glad he had time for all that. He has proven again that he is a great multi-tasker. I wonder if any veterans died during the interview. ...
They Found Nothing New In The Nov 06, 2016xx ...
You Know What I Found The Most Funny Apr 27, 2011about this whole release the long form media blitz press conference stuff....he actually said in the press conference we had more important things to talk about. We have had more important things to talk about since he took the oath of office. And in that same press conference, the only thing he talked about WAS the BC issue, took a couple of shots at the Republicans, answered no questions and left the podium.
When does the talking about the more important things happen?&nbs ...
How Old Were You When You Found Out There Was No Santa?Oct 31, 2011x ...
Wow...this Was An Eye-opener FoundApr 21, 2011while looking for something else... ...