A community of 30,000 US Transcriptionist serving Medical Transcription Industry

Everyone lies.

Posted: Dec 20, 2011

I am 49 years old and over the past 10 or 15 years have seen a dramatic increase in lying done by people I interact with: employers, prospective employers, recruiters, school admission folks, landlords, roofers, etc.

We all know why they do it: Obviously they strongly desire that you believe their falsehood.

What I can't comprehend is: (A) How they sleep at night. What about their conscience, doesn't it bother them? On the very rare occasions that I tell a lie (and that includes "white lies" and lying by omission -- they are STILL lies) -- and I can say with pride that I have done it 5 times in the last 12 years -- I feel so gulity that it bothers me for quite awhile afterward. (B) How they think they can get away with it. Eventuallly the person whom they lied to (the lieee?) WILL learn the truth. And WHEN the truth is learned, they will never, ever be able to trust the liar again. Credibility just went down the toilet, and if you are in business (as in the of landlord, roofer, etc.) it will cost you customers and business in the long run.

Why an employer would lie about a job just boggles the mind. TELL THE TRUTH, and if it's not a good fit then it's not a good fit! It will be a fit for someone else.

This seems to be a systemic societal problem. My guess is that even IF those people were taught by their parents not to lie, they see everyone around them lying and then follow suit.

At any rate, I am sick and tired of it.

;

its not that they were not taught - not to lie

[ In Reply To ..]
Lying is my BIGGEST pet peeve. I flip right out if someone lise to me. I go balistic. This is why my daughter lies even more, because she does not want to listen to me rant and rave for hours over her lies. She is 23 now, and I have not been able to trust my own daughter for the past 5 years. It is horrible.

I have no idea what this world has come to, but this is just the era of "Do whatever you want, say whatever you want, with no empathy or compassion for anyone else, just as long as you are happy."

I think lying is a big deal too - hickory

[ In Reply To ..]
Nice to see someone bring this up. I've always had a strong conscious and can remember the few days I experimented with lying as a child. I didn't get caught but I felt terrible.

There's been a big societal uptick in cheating to go along with lying. Same for fraud, I imagine. It's everywhere, and yes, I'm disgusted too.

Not enough Sunday School in kids' lives anymore, apparently. No fear of a holy, just God. No sense of obligation to your fellow man or pride in being trustworthy and ethical and honest. A real shame.

I've taught my children that lying is a big no-no and WHY and instilled a healthy sense of God's authority, and they aren't liars at ages 16, 13, and 10.

hickory - your kids are young yet

[ In Reply To ..]
My daughters did not start lying until they were in their late teens and early 20s. I think they get away with something once and they continue the pattern because it worked once.

Teenagers will lie, every one of them at some point. It is what they do. Judge Judy (and Dr. Phil) always say, "You know how to tell when your teenager is lying? When their lips are moving."

I lie - see message

[ In Reply To ..]
This is weird to read this message because I was just thinking about this earlier today. I lie, not all the time, but sometimes. Honestly I cannot even tell you why I lie. Granted I haven't lied in quite a few years (maybe I grew out of it). Here's an example. When younger I used to tell people I was in a knife fight. Now thinking back I realize how stupid that was. Why I would even say that I don't know, but I remember telling people I got this scar on my leg in a knife fight. LOL. I also used to tell people growing up that me and 2 friends of mine were professional singers and we would tour the area I grew up in. I remember one time years ago telling a former supervisor (who was also a really good friend), some really weird story. As it's coming out I'm listening as though it's not even me talking. My supervisor looked at me and laughed and said "are you lying to me". I said "yes, but I didn't know it was a lie until it came out". We had a good laugh.

I don't lie so much now as I used to. I just really have no idea why I used to lie like that. Now sometimes I lie to avoid confrontation with DH. So I lie and say I agree with him just because I don't feel like having an argument.

I'm glad I grew out of the doozie lies. Now the lies are just to keep the peace here.

Teaching your kids to lie - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
My sister is a Christian and goes to church regularly and seems to try to follow the bible in her life. However, it has been okay with her to let her kids submit other people's work to contests, to write excuses to school that were false, to call in sick when she wants a day off. I see her kids sneaking around and getting into trouble now. I have pointed out a couple of things to her and she just gives me a blank look like she is in total denial. I think this is pretty common.

The American Public is just following .... - alias

[ In Reply To ..]
the incredible example of our wonderful Government! If they can lie to us, and get away with it, then I guess it is alright for everyone to lie..
another poster was correct. God has been removed from our lives and we have no fear of the consequences any longer. We do what we want for the betterment of ourselves, just like our government. It will not change until we refuse to take it any more and refuse to accept the lies any longer.

P.S. I hate liars too! I hate what this world has become...the devil's playground!

Is government a deity? WHY capitalize the "G?" NM - GovIsNotMyGod

[ In Reply To ..]
NM

I capitalized American Public, as well.... - alias

[ In Reply To ..]
and they are not a Deity either! government is not my God and neither is the american public. nowhere is it specified that i cannot capitalize anything i want to....except apparently in YOUR book of rules! oops....capitalized YOUR and you are not my GOD either. This was about lies, not about what can and cannot be capitalized. gees.

holy cow - ...

[ In Reply To ..]
God? Government? Please.

I am not in favor of lying, but I try not to throw around words like "hate" and "devil" in the same sentence.

Of course, everyone lies... - empire lady

[ In Reply To ..]
We all do, many times even in a day, whether we know it or not. However, there are lies, and there are lies. Quite frankly, statistically and humanly speaking, you've lied way more than 5 times in 12 years. Do I think you are a "bad" liar? Nope, nor am I. Trying to say something that I KNOW is completely dishonest and possibly hurtful or illegal literally makes me nauseous and has happened only a few times as an adult.

I totally agree with you that honesty and one's word doesn't seem to have the same currency, if you will, than it used to in many walks of life, which is sad.

But, the bottom line is, we all lie. Anytime someone has asked you how you are and you've said "fine," when you aren't, that's a lie. However, it's much easier to say that than to tell someone who is merely an acquaintance all your problems and woes in life at that moment.

I do know, business-wise, (speaking of most small local businesses I deal with) they wouldn't dare lie about their dealings, or, if they do, it'll come back to bite them in the hiney big-time, especially in a smaller town.

Would I willingly lie? Yes, sometimes. When my 82-yo mother tries to cook something (bless her heart) and is looking at me so anxiously when I eat it, you bet I'll lie and say it was good. Then, later, I may serriptiously (sp? too lazy to look it up) "wonder" what it would taste like by perhaps adding something, etc. She put up with enough brutal honesty, and sometimes dishonesty, from my abusive father before he died, I'm sure not going to add to that for the remaining years she has left.

But, again, I do know what you are saying. It does seem more rampant in a bad way than it did in past years.

You don't know me. - Disgusted

[ In Reply To ..]
You claim that I have lied way more than 5 times in the last 12 years.

Yet you don't know me, have never met me, have never talked to me.

"But, the bottom line is, we all lie. Anytime someone has asked you how you are and you've said 'fine,' when you aren't, that's a lie. However, it's much easier to say that than to tell someone who is merely an acquaintance all your problems and woes in life at that moment."

That's just it. YOU do that, and many other people do that. But I DON'T lie to spare someone's feelings. If someone asks me how I am and it's not a good day, my response would be "fair to partly cloudy." If someone asks me a nosey question, I either politely say, "That's none of your business" or "I plead the 5th" or I shoot back with "Why?"

It is NOT necessary to lie in social situations, as my above responses demonstrate.

I grew up in the Ole Deep South, where all the women down there lie to each other's faces and then talk about them behind their backs. I am very proud to say that I have broken free from that behavior.

Please stop projecting YOUR behavior onto others. That shoe doesn't fit me at all.

You're right... - empire lady

[ In Reply To ..]
... I don't know you, but sociological studies have shown that this is a fact.

Let me clarify, when it comes to owning up to something I may have done, or even thought I've done, I don't lie; I own what is mine to own. Nor would I ever lie to gain or even sensationalize stories, etc.

On the other hand, I chose not to blow people out of the water with some of the answers you stated. Even if they don't know me well, they may have genuine concern for their fellow human being, and I certainly wouldn't counter with what you do.

I grew up in the ole south too and moved away and didn't bring that behavior with me. Big difference between that and what I'm talking about.

I don't buy it either, but if she doesn't ever lie to spare - someone's feelings, shame on her.

[ In Reply To ..]
There is being honest to be honest and there is being honest as an excuse to be mean. Perhaps she should have taken some of that Deep South with her when she left, after all.

Mean? LOL - Disgusted

[ In Reply To ..]
I am polite and respectful at all times. There is nothing "mean" about what I say or how I say it. But since you're not there you wouldn't know that, would you?

You must be the histrionic poster on the Main board asking "Why all the hate on this board?" Read the responses. It may teach you something about what "hate" is -- and (more importantly) what it isn't.

I don't give a rat's behind whether you "buy" it or not because it's not for sale.

Keep on lying "to spare people's feelings." Don't tell them the truth that they probably desperately need to hear. One day you will learn that LYING TO THEM does them NO favors.

Meanwhile I will continue telling the TRUTH. I'm PROUD of my 5-times-in-12-years record. My friends and acquaintances know that I'm a straight shooter, one they can come to for TRUTHFUL feedback, and will never lie to their face. My word is my bond, and it's as good as gold. I can sleep at night.

What on Earth are you talking about? - I have never even been to the Main Board

[ In Reply To ..]
and I never said anything about hate. I think that it is kinder to fib a little, rather than telling people exactly what negativity you feel. I sleep well at night. I teach my children that if someone gives you a meal, even if you don't like it, you eat it, say thank you and that it was good. That makes me sleep well at night. Sometimes people's feelings are more important than slamming them with your truth. I say that you always tell the truth when it matters, but be kind and spare feelings when it doesn't. You go ahead and be proud, but that doesn't make you superior.

Pat Conroy called it the "deep dysfunctional south" for - a reason. nm

[ In Reply To ..]
nm

Well if Pat Conroy said it.... - Really?

[ In Reply To ..]
I have lived all over teh country. I think that the deep south might just be one of the least dysfunctional places I have been.

Good. So you admit - Disgusted

[ In Reply To ..]
So you concede the point that you don't know me and are not in a position to state how many times I lie or not.

You also concede that you don't know whether I fit into some box in some sociological study.

You also concede that you CHOOSE to lie so as to not "blow people out of the water," are you put it. That is hardly accurate IMO. I am respectful, polite, and state the TRUTH, which is more than can be said for how you handle those situations. In fact, many people tell me that they love those responses and adopt them for their own use!

To each his own. Your generalization of strangers into categories with your broad brushstrokes is just foolish. One day life will teach you that lesson.

Actually... - empire lady

[ In Reply To ..]
... I didn't "concede" to anything except that I don't know you. I never said I don't lie at all and gave examples of the sociological "white lies" which have been the fabric of society since cavemen started sharing caves.

As to the broad brushstrokes, well, the title of your first post is about as broad as it gets, and I agree with it completely. I feel hurtful and deceitful lies run far more rampant than they ever have in the general public, and it's a shame.

However, I sleep well at night knowing I haven't unnecessarily hurt anyone's feelings when the ONLY outcome of being truthful wouldn't accomplish anything except to make me feel good about myself. I CHOOSE to put their feelings above mine in those cases and sleep like a baby.

Holier than thou much? - DD

[ In Reply To ..]
Your kind aggravate the heck outta me. No lie.

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