A community of 30,000 US Transcriptionist serving Medical Transcription Industry

Does anyone on here as you get older and are

Posted: Feb 19, 2012

either married or have a significant other ever feel as though you are just sort of a nonentity after some amount of time and wonder where am I going from here on. I get very tired of lack of communication and just nothing much to say. You work, do housework bla bla and just not much fun and wonder how to get out of this situation. Do you move on or just accept it or what.

;

Growing and changing - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
Well you either grow apart or grow together. When I found that the intimacy was lacking in my relationship. I started with the simple question, “what did you do today” and really listened even if I was not interested. Such as “I went to the dentist” I asked questions like “Did they find anything, was it just a cleaning?” After that I asked questions like “what you want for dinner?” “You want to get a movie” and really listened. “Also on projects that needed to be done around the house if there was a way to do them together I was all in to help. What happened for me was a real friendship developed. My significant other started asking me “what did you do today”, “you want to get a movie” “what you want for dinner”. We started having fun together, so we grew together, but could of easily gone the other way and I was willing in my head to make changes if it went that way. The most important thing is your happiness as life is too short. I am grateful for the friendship today.

One of the hardest things in a long-term relationship - sm - 25 years married

[ In Reply To ..]
is to keep communications open. It's so easy for the communication muscle to atrophy from the routines we all develop. My hubby and I are still working our way out of this one. I thought at one point we wouldn't see our silver anniversary because while we both work at home in the same office, it had come to the point that we never talked about anything but business, his business, my business, kid business, nothing about hopes and dreams. In the evening he'd head into our room to watch TV for dinner, I'd play on the computer, I'd come to bed, and he'd go back to work.

Things came to a head (of course it was a lot more complicated than that, not JUST communication) and we went to counseling, and started learning again about the little things that matter. It's taken over a year, but we're out of counseling now and making time for ourselves as a couple, and I'm seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, at least a glimmer.

It is SO hard not to let dull routine lull you into inertia. I'd hate to give up everything we spent 25 years working for just because we forgot how to communicate. Thankfully, he feels the same way too, because it takes both of us.

Good luck! You really can do it if communication is the only major problem!

Yes, but I started to push him do things - sm - XXX

[ In Reply To ..]
together, no kids. We have only been out alone in the last 9 months twice, and before that it had been probably 7 years. I am always either working or dealing with carting the kids around(he does none of that). We had this Friday night with no kids for about 4 hours, one kid at friends for the night, other on her "first" date of sorts (dinner and movie with "boyfriend" and his mother--they are 13 and 14). I suggested we go out to dinner. At first DH said no, but then he changed his mind and we just went to this local sports bar close to home. We had a nice dinner, talked which we don't seem to do much of unless it is about (lack of) money or the kids. He wanted to stay out later than we did but we did not know when my daughter was getting home from the movies (I said by 11, but prefered 10:30 to the mom) and he did not want her getting home to an empty house, plus she had no key. So we were home at 9 and she got home at 10:20. But it was nice and he even said that we had to start doing that more often, so I am thrilled. We talked of some projects we wanted to get done, some future plans for a new house in about 8 years for some land we own, etc. It was nice. But marriage is work. I am determined that this is my one and only, been almost 16 years now, so hopefully for at least another 30 or so (he is 7 years older). Will see how it goes.

Kind of - just me

[ In Reply To ..]
Been married 30 years now and I feel as I get older I lose more and more of who I am as an individual person and more of a part of someone else. It's a very hard thing for me to deal with. Inside I'm me. The girl I grew up as. The daughter of my parents, sister, and friends to my girl scout friends. I'm a New Englander at heart and even though I've been away from home for over 35 years I will always be a New Englander. I can still feel as though I'm there. Even though the house I grew up in has been sold to people I don't know, not a day goes by that I don't remember life growing up there. I know every inch of that house, the smells the wonderful times I had. I remember every road I traveled on, every memory is still as fresh in my mind as the days I used to live there. I'm in a part of the country I don't want to be in, but no money to move anywhere else and pets that would not be able to take a big move. I have no friends or family nearby. I miss that very much but DH is perfectly happy the way we are.

I've learned a lot in my life with him. I love him but he can make me scream sometimes. We don't have a problem with communication. There is always something new to talk about with him, between politics, hobbies, work, what we want in our future, pets, things we watch or read. We love to laugh and I think the key to a happy marriage is to laugh a lot and always think of new things to talk about. We don't go out at all and honestly that is fine with me. I'd rather sit home and watch a movie with a bowl of popcorn or play games. There is just nothing interesting in our town to do. The activities/events they hold here are not what we find interesting, so we are perfectly happy staying home. Plus no fancy restaurants to go to (its a jeans and t-shirt type of town), plus we watch too many Gordon Ramsey shows, so we are learning to cook many of the dishes we used to enjoy at the restaurants we liked.

So, I do miss my own identity I miss being the person I was growing up, my family and friends, but what I learned will always be instilled in me. I will always be the girl from New England. But now I am now my husband's wife. I am part of him and he part of me. We have a bond that grows stronger with time. There are days I wonder how I can get out of this life. Then I wonder if that was to happen would really be as happy as I think I would. So, as much as I miss who I was and my life up north, I accept who I am now and that I'm a totally different person and I just move on with my life.

just me too - NCmt

[ In Reply To ..]
Thank you for putting those thoughts down in words. That is just how I feel and you have described my childhood, marriage, and even home town precisely. The high cost of gas, food, is causing us problems now. There is little money left for hobbies or travel.

We are finding joy in each other and trying to meet new friends and making a difference in our community. The grandchildren are a delight too.

Similar Messages:

Nov 09, 2013
I was wondering if anyone else is going through this. I turned 53 last spring, but I have been noticing that food I normally eat and have been eating for yers and years are either making me feel sick, giving me diarrhea and even heartburn. I wonder if this is an age thing and that dietary needs change. So far have identified: Milk, eggs, cheese (but not greek yogurt), ice cream (but not organic) they all upset my stomache. Chocolate candy (but not chocolate chip cookies), peanuts, ...

Jun 01, 2015
I have been working so many years now and I don't really mind it but hubs and I were just talking this weekend. Have checked the following issue out with neurologist- no answer on this. I noticed problems I was having with balance, sometimes standing and veering to 1 side or the other, never knowing which way I might go. I try to play it off when others notice because it is embarrassing for me. I cannot walk a straight line, hope never stopped to check and asked to do that, find I hit my f ...

Feb 25, 2012
My ole guy is 17. He is fine during the day, but when I go to work at night, he cries and cries and seems so needy. I have 2 desks together, he sits on one at my left arm and keeps grabbing me so I cannot work, until he finally gets to sleep. I know cats are nocturnal, but I thought they were supposed to sleep something like 20 hrs a day, especially older ones. ...

Dec 20, 2011
Hi. I am 66 years old, a med. transcr. for 16 years, no job since February, unfortunately very few friends. I would feel blessed to have a few older e-mail friends to feel more connected to the world. I do have a small family and I'm thankful for that. They do, however, have their own lives. I live alone and for the most part do ok but sometimes do feel lonely. Would any one of you folks like a new friend for e-mailing? Maybe we could begin somethin ...

Oct 22, 2010
I saw a post on the main board that made me think of this question. How many people feel their age or younger/older. I'm 50 years old. I took one of those on-line surveys about your real age. It told me exactly what I suspected My real age is 67. Before I ever took it I always felt older than I really am. Most days I feel in my late 60s. Just curious if people feel their age or older/younger than your age. You don't have to list your age if yo ...

Oct 06, 2012
last one start hurting and find out the canals are calcified and not knowing if you should attempt a root canal or remove the tooth. Not sure what to do. ...

Feb 17, 2014
My daughter is past 35. She was married before but that ended in divorce a few years ago. I was very at ease when she was married and figured her husband had her back. Fast forward. We live in the same town. She is now divorced and I am her next of kin. I know absolutely nothing about her business, not where she banks, not where she has her medical insurance, would think probably with her job, but not sure, don't know her physician's name, passwords to her computer, absolutely not ...

Feb 15, 2010
I will be 40 next year and am having a hard time. I see a few gray hair. I have the aches, the hot flashes. My kids are getting older. My son will be in college in a few years. I still "think" of myself as a kid I guess...a high school kid really. I don't feel I can be almost 40. This is REALLY bothering me.I guess I think 40...is my life half over? More than half? is it downhill from here? I am almost 40, and what have I really accomplished? Married and kids...that's it. I have not "m ...

Aug 20, 2010
the results about the paperwork you submitted? Keep us informed. I am sure praying for you. ...

May 29, 2015
Much of Bernie Sanders' platform is reminding older Republicans of how things used to be. ...

Aug 02, 2017
Stumbled across this web site for the National Council on Aging. You can answer the questions to see if you might qualify for medical help, food, housing, etc. https://www.benefitscheckup.org/ ...

Oct 10, 2016
Women who "like" Trump are invariably older and don't like Hilary Clinton because they were raised in an era of economic competition with each for men. In the old days, men generally took care of their women, and some women lucked out with good men and some stuck it out with bad ones. Young women can take care of themselves economically so aren't as threatened by other women so they're more apt to go for HIllary. Older women also don't like Clinton because she stuck with her ...

Jan 24, 2017
get it foiled with some color in it. I have been thinking about a curly perm but I am not sure what kind to get and I would have my hairdresser do it. I dont want a fuzz ball so I am wondering if anyone here has tried this on colored hair just streaked color. I want a good perm that would last for a while and have curl to it but not tight. My hairdresser does not carrying prems anymore and the company they deal with does not sell them either. They are expensive ...