How do you strengthen your faith

I hope this will not be long.  I just feel lost in my faith.  I grew up in a home where we gave thanks to the Lord, we were not getting on our knees every hour saying praise the Lord :-), but we said prayers at dinner, church and sunday school every week from time I could walk til graduation in high school.  Grandma was a sunday school teacher at an episcopalean church and played the organ/piano there, we went to Sunday church dinners and stuff like that.  Then around grade 5 grandma (and us) switched churchs and starting attending a Methodist church.  Then in grade 9 we went to private sessioins with a priest from a catholic church (other grandma was catholic) and went to catholic service through high school and past.  Then I left home after high school.  I still believed all of what I grew up with.  I married, and we'll just say life has not been easy.  Every time I have a struggle I pray, my prayers are never answered.  I have an aunt who told me I'm praying wrong, so she taught me the "correct" way to pray.  I practiced that for probably 20 years.  Prayers are still never answered.  I ask that whatever struggle I am going through to do what He wants and just let me understand why.  Never an answer no matter how hard I try to understand.  For example when DH is yelling at me over something and it's not my fault (example we go to the grocery store while shopping (with my list) he says lets get steaks for dinner (not on the list), so we get them half way home I said we forgot potatoes and he lays into me and I mean big time, yelling and yelling and yelling, why do you have a list if your not going to get everything on it.  I said steaks and potatos were not on my list.  He says well after buying the steaks you should have gone right over tot he potatoes, then he goes back to yelling at me about not keeping a list.  So I said to myself - Okay, Lord he's yelling at me again for something I didn't do (din't have on my list) what do I do.  There must be a reason he is yelling at me, please guide me and let me know what it is.  Nothing.  So I just let my DH yell and yell and yell (for 20 minutes all the way back to the store).  I didn't say anything.  Not a word because every time I tried to say something he'd yell at me more.  So I thought God was simply telling me to keep my mouth shut and I did.  Then he gets even more mad and is yelling at me for not saying anything.  We get tot he store and I said, Look, steaks and potatos were not on the list.  I was tired and I didn't get everything, but you did'nt either.  I don't care whether or not I forgot potatoes, I don't deserve to be yelled at like you have been.  Shut the door and went into the store, got what I needed.  I came out and got in the car and he continued on yelling like I had never said anything.  So I stayed silent all the way home.  But nothing, I asked God for guidence and got nothing.  Years ago I got sick of it.  I said, Okay Lord, you're not helping me.  Your not guiding me, he's yelling at me when he's unhappy about something whether it's my fault or not (along with other issues I won't go into).  Everytime I prayed it got worse.  Then I kept remembering the Bible story (don't know the names and details), but the story about the guy who kept his faith no matter how hard God made it on him (at least I think that's the jist of the story), so I kept my faith.  Kept saying I'm being treated like dirt for a reason.  I'm feeling homesick and will never get to see my family for a reason.  I never got to experience the joy of being a mother for a reason.  I feel lonely for a reason.  DH can't get a job for a reason.  I kept thinking there is a reason to all this, please just guide me and let me know why, just even a hint.  Nothing.  Years go by and no answers.  So I did the ultimate no-no.  Bout 5 years ago I prayed to Satan.  I said God is not helping me.  I'm struggling and I don't know why he won't answer me.  I pray and my troubles get worse.  I ask not that He do what I want but that He does what He wants and just lets me understand.  But nothing.  He is not answering me.  So I said if Satan could help me I was his.  I said he could have me and my soul.  I knew from everything I had been taught growing up this was the ultimate worse.   I was lost.  I didn't know what else to do.  Praying certainly didn't help.  I figured I must be a horrible person and God doesn't love me so if he didn't, maybe Satan would (which is kind of ironic cos from everything I was taught Satan doesn't love).  So I prayed to him (no rituals though).  But I prayed just like I prayed to God.  Nothing.  No answers, no help nothing.  So then I started praying to God again.  I begged for his forgiveness.  I said I should have never done that.  I cried so hard that I would have stooped to that low.  I said I should have never doubted him.  He's there for me, he's just not telling me and guiding me.  DH tells me that God is in each one of us.  He's in our cells and how we lead our lives is a tribute to God.  I've always been a good person, always helped out people who needed help, supported DH through his struggles, spent all of my inheritance money helping out family members in need, making sure natures animals are fed.  I feel deep sadness when I see cruelty towards other human beings and especially animals and children.  I cry at the commercials that show little kids around Christmas as for over 20 years I prayed for children and never was blessed with any.  Now I'm facing some life issues.  Maybe I'm going to be going through menopause, I don't know.  I know when my mom was going through it she was depressed and always thought she was going to die.  Maybe that it what is happening to me, but  I need my faith with God to be strong.  I need to know that he loves me.  I don't know how to do that.  I need to know I'm existing for some reason.  How do you strengthen your faith when prayers do not work.

Okay, hope I didn't ramble on incoherently.  So many thoughts came through.  I guess I just feel lost and don't know what to do.  I want God to love me.  I want to be a good person (which I think I am).  I want my health to be strong because if something were to happen to me my husband would be devastated and not know what to do and all our kitties would be lost without me because I am here for them 24 hours a day.  Just want my relationship with God to be stronger and I just don't know how to do that.  Any words of wisdom will be most appreciated.