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Middle aged crazy?

Posted: Dec 30, 2015

I wonder how many of you out there have had a spouse go through what I can only describe as a middle aged crazy. My husband of 23 years has been a motorcycle enthusiast for many years, but recently decided to join a "patched club" and is now the vice president. This has been for a couple of years now and quite frankly, I don't like it at all. I don't like the way they all have stupid nicknames, that their club business cannot be discussed with the "women" and that at the drop of a hat he will take off to deal with "club business."

I have told him that I won't go to his gatherings when they have "family time" or to anything that has to do with the club. He says that he doesn't understand because all his guys are "business professionals" just like he is, they just made the choice to become a club of riders and join the local coalition of clubs.

This club has priority over all his actions now! Examples: Christmas has always been about our families, but this past couple of holidays, he has opted to go to the club party first, then make what I call a "cameo appearance" at the family houses. This new year we had initially planned a party at our house, but when his president decided just a couple of days ago that he was going to have a club party, our plans got scrapped. We are fighting again, because he wants me to go since "everyone is going and taking their families" but I want nothing to do with them. I wanted to try and close the gap a couple of times, but I don't fit in with these people and I'm a more (hmm, the words escape me so I hope it comes over like I want it to) educated, professional, not a doormat kind of woman... I find it laughable that they wear vests that say things like "old lady" or "lady rider" or "so and so's old lady", like they need to recognized as a piece of property. I wore leather, in the 80s, when it was fashionable.

We can't agree on anything in this regard. I'm feeling really tired and like I'm fighting a losing battle and that a giant rift has formed that may not close.

;

Know how you feel - Nik

[ In Reply To ..]
Boys ... sheesh. I would normally suggest that you find your own interesting new group and let him have his playdates with the guys except for the fact that this is disrupting your family life. I would force myself to go the "family activities" and be pleasant. It's probably only a few hours and you can sit there and roll your eyes with the other wives. I would then make it clear that family time comes first and not budge on that one.

I feel bad for you... - .

[ In Reply To ..]
It sounds awful! I think the other reply had a good suggestion. If you want to stay married, you'll have to accept that this is his new thing and go along with it. Compromise on attending some of the club functions in exchange for some family time that you want. I know I would hate being with the type of people you are describing, but he apparently likes them. Of course you could try the manipulative route and make subtle negative comments about the people or activities on the way home from one of the events you attended together;)Maybe he will come around to your opinions.

By patched do you mean 1%er?? sm - Ben Dover

[ In Reply To ..]
I doubt you mean 1%er because nobody becomes VP after joining "recently." I am attached to a biker, not patched and definitely not 1%er (meaning Hell's Angels, Gypsy Joker, any of those). If you do mean 1%er then I don't know how long you will be able to "stay away" without leaving him. Just my observation. I have seen those folks in action and if my SO ever told me he wanted to "patch in" I would drop him like a hot potato! I also know what you mean about the "old lady" stuff. My SO wouldn't DARE call me his old lady and would never ask me to wear something that said that! I do wear leather, but only on the bike, because I tend to like to keep my skin intact.

UGH! - I feel your pain.

[ In Reply To ..]
This happened in my life, and after 21 years and two kids, I divorced this hot mess. Never looked back. I built a great life - So glad to NOT be part of this ridiculousness of putting FAKE family in front of real family.

I wish you luck. I hated every minute of this joke.

Maybe it's time to ask yourself - xx

[ In Reply To ..]
whether you are better off with him or without him.

Once you know the answer to that, you can plan accordingly to create the life you want for yourself.

Property of - MT2

[ In Reply To ..]
I went through the same thing and told them up front I wouldn't be wearing anything that said "property of." I can't believe anyone would want to wear something like that. We divorced after 8 years because he tried to set me up on a wife swap which I knew nothing about. I threw a pineapple at him and the other guys wife who I found making out in my kitchen while I was in the living room. Then I proceeded to throw everything I could get my hands on... but enough about me. I wish I had some good advice for you, but it sounds like your hubby is loving his new ways. Maybe if you're patient, he'll get over it. So sorry!

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