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How do gauge if someone is faking memory loss?

Posted: Mar 19, 2010

Here's the situation. I have been separated from my husband for about six months. In February, he had major knee surgery, reconstruction of ligaments with cadaver ligaments, etc. He was instructed no weightbearing for eight weeks. He has no family in the area and his best friend whom he'd been living with basically didn't show up to pick him up from the hospital. We've maintained a friendly seperation and since I was his "next of kin," I was at the hospital for his surgery. I have since brought him home to recover in my guest room because he had no where else to go.

The reason we are seperated is because he is bipolar and has been self-medicating with alcohol for years. I figured now that he is completely incapacitated there is no way for him to get his alcohol or drink, and that has been true. He has not been drinking at all. He got all his staples removed two weeks ago and has started physical therapy. About a week ago, he all of sudden started with this memory loss stuff. Repeatedly asking me the same questions over and over within minutes of my giving him the answer. He also has some legal issues and is on probation for a bar fight. He has a court date for later this month and all of sudden he starts asking me "don't think I'm crazy, by am I on probation? Am I supposed to go to court this month? What's my probation officer's name?" etc.

He will repeatedly ask me the date, what day it is. The reason I wonder if he's faking is because a lot of the time he will start his questions with "don't think I'm crazy..." or "I must be losing my mind..."

What I can't figure out is why he is faking memory loss except that maybe he's trying to extend his stay because he's got his foot back in the door and he's go me taking care of him again. Or maybe he's going to use this in his legal troubles or something like that.

But how can I test him without him being aware? I've already told him that tomorrow morning since I don't have to work, I am going to take him to the VA Urgent Care center to have him checked out, since he's a veteran and all, it won't cost anything. I'm going to get him a MRI of the brain, etc. He hasn't really forcefully objected yet. He says "Oh, I'm okay, it's probably just my pain meds." But tomorrow morning I'm going to really push it and see what happens.

What else can I do to call his bluff? This is almost making me feel like I'm losing MY mind.

;

I live with bipolar guy too - date stuff sounds familiar

[ In Reply To ..]
I think its mainly a case of him not paying attention to the answers of questions he asks repeatedly. In mine's case, its selective amnesia - if something is important to HIM, he remembers it - like exactly how much his disability check will be and when it hits his bank. He tries to make me be his "life hassles secretary" because he simply doesn't want to handle the details of his own life. I get sick of being his walking "filofax" - he thinks I can spout off addresses, phone numbers, dates, etc. on demand. Maybe yours is thinking that way too. Don't let him play the "crazy" card when it comes to handling his own hassles - they are his, not yours.

Oh, I'm familiar with the selective memory. He's been doing that for years. - LuLuMT

[ In Reply To ..]
This is different. I can't explain how it's different, but it's different.

I figured out a way to test him. It's March Madness and he's been watching all the games. My nephew is coming over to hang with my son and they will all sit and talk sports and if my husband can talk about yesterday's games, stats, plays, etc. then he is faking.

Good plan! - Sports stats good way

[ In Reply To ..]
Yes, their favorite hobby is something they'll never forget...unless its honest to gosh Alzheimer's setting in - and even then I bet it would be the last thing to be forgotten.

Still do your plan of having him checked out medically - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
The doctors will have tests and stuff that are a little more scientific than yesterday's game (which he can also fake if he is indeed faking), that the patient can't get around or fake. Plus you will have some documentation, yes or no, to work with.

Maybe the booze has mushed so many brain cells that he just doesn't think straight anymore.

Update on memory loss guy. - LuLuMT

[ In Reply To ..]
I took him to the ER this morning. He has not been taking his lithium. When I brought him back to my house, I had decided that I was not going to be his nurse maid or wait on him hand and foot. So I let him be in charge of his meds except for the narcotics which I gave him on a scheduled basis per doctor's orders.

Apparently, he hasn't been taking his lithium, yet telling me he was. When the doctor at the ER asked him if he needed a new Rx. He said he didn't know where his lithium was.

Long story short, the ER doc tells me that he is going into mania and his memory lapses are part of that cycle. So I searched through his suitcase and duffle bag and found his lithium. I am not administering his lithium and pain meds under my direction and checking under his tongue.

This is why we were seperated to begin with. I got tired of being married to a child that I felt like I had to take care of when he should have been my partner.

Anyway, I'm getting him back on his feet and then he's outta here!

I am against forcing a person to take meds he - no meds !!

[ In Reply To ..]
does not want to take.
I was once put on antidepressants and I just felt that this is not right for me, because I felt really, really bad after taking them.

I stopped, never went back to the doctor and I feel great! Had I continued with the meds, I am sure that I would have landed in a mental institution.

I hate meds that work on your brain and make everything worse, then it becomes a vicious cycle, with misdiagnoses, wrong meds, etc....

I feel so good, completely without meds, I take ONLY aspirin, from time to time. But I inherited magnificent genes.

Try to be kind to your spouse, what makes you so sure that these meds are really helping him? Is he behaving better when he takes them?

Think it over. It might even be that all this meds are causing his behavior and his MEMORY LOSS.

What are the narcotics for?

Meds...my a**!

Have you ever lived with a bipolar person? Without medication, they are out of control. - LuLuMT

[ In Reply To ..]
If he wants to be around me and our kids, he absolutely HAS to take his lithium PERIOD!

I'm glad that you don't have to take any meds, but this is very dangerous and irresponsible advice to be putting out there that meds are not good.

Let me give you some examples as to why my husband needs his lithium, memory lapses aside: Today, I counted 10, T-E-N, times in a span of an hour that he walked into my office and flipped the page on my desk calendar to see what time his court hearing was tomorrow.

Just now, he's been in and out of my office to ask me repeatedly if I am taking him to court tomorrow which I have answered yes each and every time.

He was up all night last night and this morning at about 4 a.m., he had the TV turned up full blast, he had every light in the house turned on, and was outside in the driveway with a portable radio trying to work on his car on his crutches.

Now I don't feel bad one bit about "forcing" him to take his lithium. He needs it, without it he cannot function in society. He comes off as bizarre. You cannot conversate with the man whatsoever.

He has been taking narcotics because he had a major knee reconstruction done in February from which he is recovering. However, he has been out of his Percocet for a couple of weeks now and I have not refilled it because he is not having pain. He will start physical therapy next week which I am told will be excruciating and at that point I will refill it so he has the option of taking it.

However, if he expects me to take care of him while he is recuperating, then his lithium is not an option and if he doesn't like it, he can go stay with his friend.

I have ZERO TOLERANCE for bipolars who refuse to take their meds. His mother did the same thing, claiming all meds made her sick, and would you like to know where she is today? Well, her sons and grandchildren would like to know too. She disappeared from home one evening never to be heard from again. All because she refused to take her medications and in a manic/psychotic break after the death of her father, she simply walked away from home.

So um yeah, as you can see I think some meds are completely necessary.

the tragedy is this: If one starts with all this - see mess

[ In Reply To ..]
"dangerous" meds, I call them "dangerous," it is difficult to get off them, because then it is often impossible to determine the actual effect on the person, in case teh behavior does not improve ore even worsens.
It becomes a vicious circle.

It is a very BAD sign if a person HATES his meds, isn't this a sign that they make him sicker and sicker for the price that you have your peace and quiet?

No wonder that his mother ran away. I realize that it is very strenuous to be a caregiver, but I am sorry I do not have the feeling that you sympathize with your husband, and he feels it.
There is a power struggle going on in your house, and your approach definitely doesn't work, try a different way.

Thank God that I could stop my meds, otherwise I would now maybe find myself in your husband's situation.

LOL...sm - nnn

[ In Reply To ..]
Do you even realize or care to realize that deficiencies in necessary nutrients can have serious effects on the body, including symptoms that some medical personnel like to fondly refer to as ADHD, bipolar, mental lapses and the like, not to mention other medical disorders and diseases that are also treated with drugs, drugs and more drugs? Try getting your husband to eat healthier. You'll see an amazing change without all the dangerous drugs that will put an end to his life even earlier. Drugs are not a magical cure and should never ever be used on a permanent basis. There is always a better answer. Drugs only serve to make the pharmaceutical companies rich and your husband sicker. When people refuse to take their drugs, maybe that should tell their loved ones something. Forced drugging was Hitler's idealogy. Meds are NOT necessary. A healthy diet and correct nutrients are. Now....rant on. :)

what a great post! Exactly my philosophy, thanks - meds?

[ In Reply To ..]
People think, well, I pay health insurance, so, I might as well swallow all meds my doc prescribes, last not least I paid for them.
They swallow them, even if they harm them and make them sicker.

What an ignorant statement to make about - someone who is bipolar!

[ In Reply To ..]
My mother and grandfather were both bipolar. (Notice I say 'were'). My grandfather passed away 15 years ago from uncontrolled diabetes.

My mother committed suicide.

Both of them had to have someone with them at almost all times because they would not take their meds and could not be trusted to be on their own.

We aren't talking about run of the mill depression here. We are talking suicidal...on the brink depression and then MANIA that is so out there that most people don't, can't, or have no desire to understand it or even deal with it.

Without medication, the people suffering from this are not only difficult to deal with, they can be downright dangerous to themselves and to those around them.

I'm glad you were able to stop taking meds for yourself, but you cannot make such blanket statements and have them apply to everyone. There are those out there that truly need the medication in order to simply survive.

how come that your mother committed suicide - meds?

[ In Reply To ..]
when she was on meds? Maybe she would still be alive, hadn't she taken those meds. What were they? Prozac?

Your grandfather died of diabetes. The diabetes caused his being bipolar.

I am always amazed how people think that meds are "magical" pills that can actually cure diseases. At best they can slow sown the progress, but cause other ailments.

Mu doctor called me every week to make sure that I keep taking my antidepressant = Prozac, and every day I felt worse and worse, until I stopped, thanks God.

Meds? My ass! It's ALL big BUSINESS, like everything in this world.'
'
What about HRT? It was so praised, then they dropped it. Tnere were a lot a "guinea pigs" left behind suffering.

You're too smart... ;) sm - nnn

[ In Reply To ..]
I agree with you. You don't belong on this board. "Meds" are toxic but let's keep that between us. It just seems to make others irate. LOL

thanks :-) - meds?

[ In Reply To ..]
nm

why do you think he is "faking " it? How can you know? - ??

[ In Reply To ..]
nm

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