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Hoarding. Anyone dealing w/ this?

Posted: Mar 12, 2012

I love my parents dearly, but they've recently put me into the middle of a situation that I tried to tackle politely before I was ambushed. They aren't like most folks you see on "Hoarders" or those kind of shows, but they are SEVERE collectors...to the point that a room that used to house a pool table w/ free space around it and multiple pieces of furniture can no longer be negotiated. They don't toss trash around or anything like that, but they are auction/yard sale-type hoarders of old furniture and "antiques." Mom gave BH and I lunch boxes she bought off ebay beccause they were the ones we had in grade school, for example. They have now inherited my g'ma's house, and there is no way all of that crap is going to fit in there. I've tried the "one thing in, three out" and "if in doubt, throw it out." Mom now seems to kinda get it when I ask her where that thing will fit in the "new" house, but Dad was complaining about Mom throwing away some screws that go to a window that is no longer there.

Sorry this was so lengthy, but I just needed to vent to someone neutral as my hubs says "it's their stuff; let them deal with it." Easy to say when it isn't your parents.

;

Hoarding - Nana

[ In Reply To ..]
My mother in law is a hoarder. Same as your parents, no garbage laying around, just boxes and boxes of"stuff" piled as high as the ceiling in every room of the house. Plus she has payed out thousands in renting storage buildings for years. Now she doesn't have money to put gas in her car. She just can't turn down a "good" deal. My husband has had to move her over and over again. She was buying a house at one point, but quit making payments and lost it. He will not move her again until she gets rid of most of it. We even had to "loan" her money to pay a long overdue gas bill so she could get heat in this latest move. So anyway, I feel your pain.

Why not call one of those shows...nm - L&L

[ In Reply To ..]
nm

Not a bad idea but for the OP I woud call that show American Pickers - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
If you say there are a lot of collectibles and antiques call the pickers and tell your folks they can make some serious cash.

OMG! Why didn't I think of that? - TY from OP- sm

[ In Reply To ..]
They watch that show religiously!!! We live in a very rural area, so finding people around here who do that sorta thing is pretty much out of the question, but that could be an incentive. TY!!

Hoarders are maddening! - been there

[ In Reply To ..]
I know how you feel. Trying to reason with a hoarder is the most frustrating thing in the world. The problem is, someone somewhere sometime is going to have to eventually clean up their mess. It usually falls on the shoulders of family members, usually a son or daughter. I was the daughter and my brothr was the son. A friend of mine says she feels sorry for the hoarders on the TV show, and I do sympathize with the problems that triggered that behavior, but I still can't help but react negatively, especially when they start putting up barriers and rationalizing keeping the most ridiculous things. They become pathologically self-centered and are willing to shut out everyone in favor of their junk.

No hoarders in my family (yet) but I do feel - mthead

[ In Reply To ..]
so badly for the children and other relatives who are left to clean up the mess after their hoarding relatives can no longer take care of themselves or pass on.

My 9yo son seems to have hoarder tendencies; I have to be really sneaky when throwing out or donating the stuff he can no longer use. He even goes through our trash sometimes!

I Agree - Hoarders

[ In Reply To ..]
I agree, those hoarders (most of them) on the shows are very self-centered. I'm no shrink, but it seems to me they spoil them rotten. They have a say in each little piece of garbage. I say send them somewhere nice for a weekend (spa, nice hotel) and just empty the place then bring them back.

They would just fill the house up again. sm - Maggie May

[ In Reply To ..]
They are trying to teach them to let go of things, to be more realistic, so they can have a chance at keeping the house clean afterwards. Also, so many of the people on these shows actually have mental illness, and might become suicidal if all of their "stuff" is just taken away while they are gone.

There used to be some services that would list - L&L

[ In Reply To ..]
on eBay and sell stuff for a fee. You never know what is considered valuable. Do you have local estate appraisers?

I'm not a hoarder but am a really horrible housekeeper. My daughter hasn't spoken to me in years. My revenge will be having her clean up all my crap after I'm gone. hahahahaha (maniacal laughter).

You cracked me up. Maybe we can - mthead

[ In Reply To ..]
start a Horrible Housekeepers Anonymous group!! I blame it on having to maintain a nearly sterile house when I was a kid.

Thank y'all very much for the replies - w no negativity- OP/sm

[ In Reply To ..]
L&L and mthead...You cracked me up. Yeah, it's a serious situation as I get nervous as all get-out when I have to spend much time in their house (hello? They lost my cat w/in 4 hrs of me dropping her off there.) Someone mentioned son/daughter having to deal w/ it down the road, and I'll be the daughter who has to as my bro lives 3 states away and only comes in 1 time a year while I'm about 20 minutes from them. Thanks, all, for the advice and chuckles.

my mom's a hoarder. I let her be... - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
Because it's not hurting me. I gave up getting frustrated years ago. It's not worth it. Life's too short. Her place is clean; just has lots of stuff. Sure, it's hard to get around when I'm there, but she usually comes to my house. I don't understand why people get so involved in it when it's not their battle.

People who hoard have a difficult time getting rid of things - and are very resistant when others

[ In Reply To ..]
try to step in. My ex mother-in-law was like that. I would go over and try to help her get her house cleaned and organized, but every time I tried to get started she would come up with excuses and if I seemed to push to hard, she would get mad. Finally I left her alone.

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