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All the drama is beyond belief...


Posted: Feb 23, 2011

I have got to post this.  I just need to vent here.  Writing my feelings always seems to help me.  My parents have been divorced now for 2-1/2 years.  My mom has a boyfriend now.  This is the first since she has been divorced.  Well, my dad has been a royal pain in the rear since the divorce with stalking, etc.  Just can't get the hint.  Well, her boyfriend spends time at her house and sometimes she spends time at his.  My dad had not bothered to call or talk to me in months.  Then when my mom starts seeing this man all of a sudden daddy starts calling ACTING as if he cares about me actually when in reality he is trying to get info on my mom and her new boyfriend.  The man is someone my daddy has known for 20 years.  They are not good friends but know each other.  My dad's land joins my moms land where her house sits.  My dad would often come over on his land and sit around just to be nosy and see what my mama was doing.  He has a big metal shop on his land and acts as if he is doing something there but he is actually sitting in his truck for hours.  Well we thought with the new man staying around a lot he would not feel comfortable sitting around stalking basically.  Oh no, he STILL will try to find a hiding spot on his land and watch to see what is going on around my moms.  Most times he will be spotted though eventually.  He has actually come over to my moms house and pulled up in the drive while mama and her boyfriend were sitting on the porch and asked how they were doing.  Then yesterday he was sitting on his land and come over to my mamas and said he needed some matches.  Like he still has a right to be coming over there.  I mean her boyfriend is like who does he think he is finding excuses to come over here for some reason.  Mom's boyfriend went and talked to him Sunday as a matter of fact and he told mom's boyfriend that he would stop coming there and he would go on and leave them alone.  He still is doing it though.  Her boyfriend also went to the sheriff's dept and talked to the sheriff himself and told him what was taking place.  He was told that cars would be patrolling the area to see if they saw him hanging around stalking.  Well there hasn't been any cars patrolling or they would see him just sitting in his truck pointed towards my mom's house stalking.  He also called me and told me things that mom's boyfriend told him pertaining to me that were not true according to mom.  I've decided he is trying to stir the pot.  He also wanted one of my mom's friends phone #, which I told him I didn't know, to call and tell her that my mama was letting this man stay over at night and she was spending nights at his house too.  He will call me several times a day and I know he is just fishing for information.  I am so tired of this.  I hate to just cut him off (I've had to before) but he is just lying and stirring things up.  Oh and daddy has a girlfriend he lives with.  I'm sure she would be happy to know he spends days watching my mom.  I am so sick of this craziness.  When will it end?  Maybe her boyfriend will take further action when he finds out tomorrow about this.  He is still sitting out there on his land mom said at 10 pm at night just sitting in his truck.  She went and asked him what he was doing sitting there and he said oh I'm not watching you I am waiting to meet someone here.  Well he has been sitting there supposedly waiting on someone for hours.  He is full of it.  He is just stalking. 

;

why not just sit him down for a good old-fashioned chat - straight shooter

[ In Reply To ..]
I am sure your dad is hurt. Divorce is strange. I did not want to be with my ex, but it hurt like crazy to know he was "okay" and going on with his life. Maybe he feels like he is "protecting her" or maybe he is a jealous crazy fool. I don't know.

This is your dad though. However messed up things are between them, you cannot disown him. If something were to happen to him, you would never forgive yourself.

I would try my hardest to have compassion when talking to him and try to get him to spill his guts about his feelings. I would also let him know your concerns and what you think of his actions and tell him you are very concerned for him and only want him to be happy, but he cannot be happy like this.

Sometimes we have to be the adults in situations like these and show our own parents how to act properly. Just do it with compassion and respect, like you would want someone to address you.

Good Luck. I will be praying.

potentially dangerous stalker - don't ignore danger signs

[ In Reply To ..]
This kinda sends chills down my spine. He needs counseling to get past this stalking behavior. I'd hate to think of him getting a gun next and "just watching." Please don't take this behavior lightly. Prayer for all for sure.

I agree with the direct approach. The sooner the better. - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
I would start by showing concern for his well being and mental state while at the same time spelling out in no uncertain terms that YOU feel his behavior is stalking. If he denies this, do not accept his excuses and reiterate that YOU feel he is behaving like a stalker, that YOU feel alarmed, worried, even fearful and threatened about this behavior escalating. Ask him if YOUR feelings matter to him.

Does his girlfriend know about this (cant imagine she does not at least have an idea)? If not, ask him how he thinks SHE would feel if she knew what he is doing and does he care about HER feelings? If that is the case (she does not know), tell him if he does not put a stop to this immediately, you feel she should know, and that you would consider bringing her into the picture should he continue stalking.

If the girlfriend does know, then I would open up a direct dialog with her by voicing those same concerns. I would also downplay any effect his behavior is having on your mom and her boyfriend. I feel it is their responsibility not only to speak up on their own behalf, but on yours as well. Do not give him the satisfaction of knowing that his behavior gives him the power to intimidate your mom. Instead, firmly remind him that this is not just between him and her, but rather involves people he CLAIMS to love (you and his girlfriend) and that his actions are hurtful to all concerned, including himself.

Failing these measures, I would encourage your mom to swear out a restraining order against him, to take pictures of any and all incidents of his lurking around the property. Record telephone calls if possible. Document, document, document, then confront him again later on with the evidence and let him know you intend to pass it along to law enforcement officials should he decide to blow it all off.

Good luck with this, whatever you decide to do.

Somethign definitely needs to be done before - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
things escalate. Speaking from personal experience, my ex stalked me for years and still occasionally (we have been divorced 10 years). It got to the point he was flattening my tires when I was at my boyfriend's (who I met 2 years after the divorce), slicing his tires, and even sugared his gas tank--of course we could never prove it was him. However, it go to the point he followed me and our kids home and ended up forcing his way into my house and beating me up. Do not let this keep going on. He also had a girlfriend at the time all of this was going on. The first step was making the police aware so there is a report on file, but please, do not let your mom ignore this behavior.

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