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MIL drama

Posted: Jun 16, 2013

Why is it that mothers of boys/men think that even when the man is grown/married they STILL have control over their son? I have a son too, he's only 13 right now and I PRAY I am not like that!! Any advice on what you would do?

There are six children in my husband's family who have ALL taken MIL to her doctor's appointments, etc., at some point in time. Lately though, one of hubby's sisters has been taking MIL to ALL appointments. This sister doesn't work, by choice, as her husband makes really good money and they are probably more financially stable than any other person in the family, get to take great trips, nice cars, etc. Well, IF the sister needed gas money or something, MIL actually has money as well, she could EASILY pay her, but I'm sure she doesn't need it, nor would she accept it, as I said they get along pretty good.

Well, in MY household, I'm in charge of the money. Both hubby's money and mine. I pay the bills and I let him know what's left. We aren't super financially stable, I'm an MT for Pete's sake! My MIL likes to get on these "missions" because basically she is bored and wants a reason to call up all members of the family. Well, she calls hubby yesterday and says she needs him to bring her $100 and she is asking the four other kids (sister excluded), so they can give a total of $500 to the sister who takes her to appointments as a "thank you" so she can do something nice for herself. Okay, I feel it is a nice gesture, BUT I just don't have an extra $100 bucks laying around that can be used just to give someone who really doesn't need it. If she was struggling, needed it for food, gas or something like that, then sure, I would squeeze it from somewhere, but basically just as a random gift with no prior notice? Well, hubby tells his mom "okay" like he ALWAYS does and I about hit the fan! I told him we couldn't afford that and I didn't see the point in that either. I mean $20 bucks a piece would be giving her $100, that's a nice token of appreciation, but it's HER mom too, it's not like this is an outsider who is taking MIL to doctor's appointments.

I don't mean to sound greedy or not appreciative, but I'm so irritated. I'm thinking of calling MIL and just telling her we can't afford it, but then MIL is such a gossip, that she will probably tell everyone in family we have "money troubles" because that's how she is. What would you do?

;

I would just tell her - I would chip in

[ In Reply To ..]
a few bucks for gas (no more than 10 because I am cheap!) if she really needs it, but I don't have a $100 lying around for anything other than a true emergency. No need to offer further explanation or excuses. If people are going to gossip about you, they will anyway, no matter what you do.

Possibly this would stir up trouble but - Nik

[ In Reply To ..]
I would circumvent the MIL by contacting the SIL myself with a very sincere note thanking her for all she has done by taking the MIL to her appointments and perhaps include a small gift or some nice homemade food item. Then I would send a pleasant note to the MIL and thank her for pointing out how kind SIL has been by taking mom to the appointments and that you have thanked SIL personally from the heart. I wouldn't mention the $100 and see if MIL says anything.

oh my goodness - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
MIL asking for $100 from the other five siblings is the most presumptuous, self-centered, and punishing thing I have ever heard.

Not only does MIL want the other kids to feel guilt, she literally wants to make them pay! Not a lot of people have a spare $100 lying around. It is absolutely over the top for MIL to be "requesting" this cash.

Does hubby's sister know that MIL is doing this? It's quite likely she wouldn't appreciate it. If the sister is aware of this plan and agrees with it, then you have two witches on your hands.

I don't give money I don't have, and when I offer assistance or support, I do so freely, without expectation of payback.

I used to take my mother to all of her - appointments and such too

[ In Reply To ..]
over and above the other two siblings in the family because I was the one closest to her. Nobody ever thanked me for doing that. nobody ever "chipped in" money for gas or food or anything else...not even my mother. Just a nice note should be thanks enough. MIL trying to make everybody feel guilty is all. must be bored and trying to stir up a little "interest."

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