Funny Doctor contributions! Some are

1.  A man comes into the ER and yells . . .
  
'My  wife’s going to have her baby in the cab.'
I  grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the  lady's
dress and began to take off her  underwear.        
Suddenly  I noticed that there were several cabs - -  -
and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted  by Dr. Mark MacDonald,
San  Francisco

2...  At the beginning of my shift
I  placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and  slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest  wall.

'Big  breaths,'. . .  I instructed.
'Yes, they  used to be,'. . . replied the patient.  

Submitted by Dr. Richard  Byrnes,
Seattle , WA


3.  One day I had to be the bearer of bad
news when  I told a wife that her husband had
died of a  massive myocardial infarct.

Not  more than five minutes later, I heard  her
reporting to the rest of the family that he  had
died of a 'massive internal  fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg  



4.  During a patient's two week follow-up
appointment  with his cardiologist, he informed
me, his  doctor, that he was having trouble with
one of his  medications. .
‘Which  one ?'. .. . I asked. 'The patch...
The  Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and  now I'm running out of places to put it!'
I had  him quickly undress and discovered what I  hoped
I wouldn't see.
Yes,  the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now,  the instructions include removal of
the old  patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr.  Rebecca St. Clair,
Norfolk , VA

5.  While acquainting myself with a new elderly  patient,
I asked, 'How long have you been  bedridden?'
After  a look of complete confusion she answered . .  .
'  Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was  alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven  Swanson-
Corvallis , OR


6. I  was performing rounds at the
hospital one  morning and while checking
up on a man I asked  . . .' So how's your
breakfast this morning?'  ‘It’s very good
except for the Kentucky Jelly.  I can't seem
to get used to the taste.’ .. .  Bob replied.
I  then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced
a foil  packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr.  Leonard Kransdorf,
Detroit  ,


7. A  nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room
when a  young woman with purple hair styled
into a punk  rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety
of tattoos,  and wearing strange clothing,
entered..... It  was quickly determined that
the patient had  acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for  immediate surgery... When she was completely disrobed on  the operating
table, the staff noticed that her  pubic hair had
been dyed green and above it  there was a
tattoo that read . . .' Keep off  the grass.'

Once  the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote

a short  note on the patient's dressing,
which said  'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by  RN no  name,
          
                     AND  FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

    8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in   OB.
I was  quite embarrassed when performing  female
pelvic exams... To cover my  embarrassment
I had unconsciously formed a  habit of whistling softly.

The  middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam  suddenly burst out laughing
and  further embarrassing me.
I  looked up from my work and sheepishly said.  .  .
' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
She  replied with tears running down
her cheeks from  laughing so hard . . .

'  No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . .
'  I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.' '

    Dr. wouldn't  submit his name....   


    
1 MORE    
    

Baby's  First Doctor Visit

This made me  laugh out loud.
I hope it will give you  a smile!

A woman and a baby were in  the doctor's examining room, waiting for the  doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.  

The doctor arrived, and examined the  baby, checked his weight, and being a little  concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed  or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,  ' she replied...

'Well, strip down  to your waist,' the doctor ordered.  

She did. He pinched her nipples,  pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for  a while in a very professional and detailed  examination.

Motioning to her to get  dressed, the doctor

said, 'No wonder this  baby is underweight. You don't have any  milk.'

‘I know,’ she said, ‘I'm  his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.’