Dictation funny

Doctor: Will discuss this plan further with the attending and team. VR: Will discuss this plan further with the attending in pain. ...

"The buttocks ulcer present at the time improved until about August of ’09 and then seemed to plateau, and then was slightly larger in September through August and October, and then over several visits, up through December, had become deeper from 1.9 to 1.9 cm deep between October 20 and November 17 . . . " eh? I think he needs not only a new calendar but a new ruler, too! Hahaha ...

Patient was admitted with complaints of abdominal discomfort associated with nausea, but no nausea, vomiting, or diarrhea or constipation ... PERTINENT LABORATORY STUDIES: Include an electrocardiogram which appears not to have been done, and so is pending. ...

LOL, Snort. These docs really know their stuff. Am I missing something here? "Denied having any cataract extraction, but does have definite right cataract extraction." Also, the above patient is "quadriplegic and has severe ambulatory dysfunction." If this doc wasn't so bad, he'd be hilarious! ...

INDICATION FOR PROCEDURE: The patient is a 34 -year-old white female who had previous left salpingo-oophorectomy for a large ovarian cyst and a myomectomy of a pedunculated fibroid by Dr. John M who to have heavy periods afterwards. Dr. John M. continued to have heavy periods? ...

Doc dictates: "No history of alcohol or illiterate drugs". VR: "The pharmacist says she feels (fills) him monthly" ...

The female kept moving back and forth from one heading to another and kept mumbling the drug dosages .... the time i spent on that one single report, could have done three reports of same audio lenghts with more lines! If only dictators were penalised for less lines per audio minute! ...

actually typed it!) "The patient arrived as a trauma patient early this morning after apparently drinking to excess, crashing his car, fleeing from police at a traffic stop and accident, and then jumping approximately 30 feet from a perfectly good bridge in town." Man, why'd he have to go and ruin a perfectly good bridge? :P ...

I am about to test for a company that pays $75.00 per 60 minutesof dictation. Is that good pay? ...

I swiped this from the board a few years ago and felt it was time to bring it back - it just never gets old (especially for MT's who have doctors that strictly adhere to these guidelines - LOL!) DICTATION GUIDELINES FOR DOCTORS: Adherence to these guidelines will assure the highest quality transcribed reports in the shortest amount of time. 1. At the beginning of the dictation, take as deep a breath as you can. Now, try to dictate the entire report before you have to inhale ...

I've come across some funny voice recognition, but this one...well, you be the judge! Dictated: ICD-9 code. Voice recognized as: Psychogenic potatoes!! ...

Here's a funny one just got not too long ago... "The patient smokes a six-pack of beer per week." DUHHHH.... ...

ASR transcribed: Follow the penis been discontinued. Should've been: Felodipine has been discontinued. ...

Dictated: Unable to assess the penis collapse. Should be: Unable to assess the venous collapse. Happy Monday!!! ...

Got this on a VR report today!!! Lexapro beef for his known drug allergies. ...

http://airamerica.com/ondemand/10-15-2009/the-republican-iphone-application-video/ ...

Doctor tried spelling a simple word, "celery," but spelled it out as S-A-L-E-R-Y. almost fell out of my chair laughing. ...

Dictates "does some 5-pound weights in the evening when he watches David Letterman." VR says "does some 5-pound weights in the evening when he watches meat." This will keep me giggling all night. ...

I have another funny clip for all of you. Enjoy it and keep laughing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXbCY_yRWOc ...

The 10 Differences Between Fox News and MSNBC By Ken Kupchik Fox News fans defend their network's journalistic integrity by pointing to high ratings and MSNBC as the liberal equivalent. While the comparison may seem valid on the surface, there are glaring differences between the two networks. 10) Fox News claims "fair and balanced" coverage, while MSNBC is simply "the place for politics." 9) MSNBC devotes a three-hour daily segment to Joe Scarborough, a conservative from Newt Ging ...

"The patient is a 46 year old woman with a history of depression who recently broke up with her seven-year-old boyfriend." - She likes them young! ...

think so, don't bother reading it. As Thanksgiving approaches and the turkeys go from writing their bucket lists to brine buckets, we should all stop and realize that there is a lot to be thankful for. Here is Air America's top ten list of things every progressive should be smiling about. 10) A president who can form a coherent sentence, and answer serious questions without a perpetual smirk. 9) Lou Dobbs running for president, disproving the theory that he is a narcissistic ...

We had one today that read, The patient appears to be (present) with fetus in cephalic presentation. This should have read pregnant. We got a good laugh from this one. ...

VR: ...neuromuscular reeducation with cannabis repositioning. (are they teaching her how to pass it?) s/b: ...canalith repositioning. ...

Doctor said: SKIN: No rashes, lesions, or lacerations of any kind appreciated. VR output: SKIN: No rashes, lesions, or lacerations of a cat appreciated. ...

Dictator: ... the patient was extubated and sent to the PACU in stable condition. VR: The patient was extubated and sent packing in stable conditon. ...

The patient's temperature was 100 degrees orally, but went up to 103.5 shortly thereafter, and therefore was arrested. Egads....I don't like the laws in that state. ha ha ...

Doctor dictated - The patient smokes. System typed - The patient smokes stool. Have no idea why it put in \"stool\", because there was nothing to sound like it. ...

Dictation funny

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