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I'm on a roller coaster and am having trouble getting out of depression-also warning about LUMP
Posted: Aug 29, 2012
I started with a small lump on the bottom of my knee. no big deal. Was sent to an ortho doc. Lump was movable and had fluid. CT scan verified but he wanted an MRI. No insurance, so no MRI. Applied for MA. Turned down. Lump grew. no big deal.
In Jan., lump took up my whole knee, split open. No big deal. Put a BandAid on it. February, bleeding was worse, larger bandages. In March, broke down and went to ER. Figured they would drain the lump and cut the hard part out. Sure they did. Doc said CANCER. Rushed by ambulance to a larger hospital with cancer specialists. Next day, went to the OR and they cut all the meat down to the bone off my knee plus extra. Yay! Got all the cancer. It's called a sarcoma or MFH.
In hospital a week, then another OR for reconstruction by a plastic surgeon. They took a muscle from my leg, cut it, and flipped it up over my knee then grafted skin from my thigh onto the knee. Another week of healing.
After 3 weeks, home I go with a cast from my toes up to my hip. After a month, go for 30 radiation treatments. Applied for MA but no go. I need to "spend down" because both hubby and I have a $6K IRA and $13K in life insurance. Yep! Cash those in and they can help. Nice?
At my 3 month checkup, they made me get a CT scan of my lungs. Yay! Lungs clear BUT "something in my left breast." Here I go again. No insurance so can't get mammogram. Now the doc wants me back at the end of Sept., but I can't go. Can't afford another $4K for a 10 minute visit. Yep. That's what it costs.
I have no idea how to pay for these bills. I figured if I could get a job at minimum wage and 40 hours a week, it will take me 18 years to pay them off. As it is, I had to take early SS and between the bills I already had, I'm all "billed out."
Now all I do is cry and think about this. I can't even talk to anyone about this before I start crying. Hubby thinks I'm miserable. I can't sleep either. I get 3 hours a night if I'm lucky. I've been sleeping on a sofa bed with the TV on all night hoping something will get my attention.
Well...that's about it. Thanks for letting me vent. Just be careful if you find any lumps on a knee. Get them taken care of right away. Don't be a fool like me. :-(
;
Oh my.... - sm
[ In Reply To ..]I am so sorry for your hardships right now. I can't imagine the pain and fear you're going through. I'm sending you a huge hug and lots of positive thoughts. I will keep you in my prayers.
So do you blame any of this on the lack of universal health care? - sm
[ In Reply To ..]Yes, I am sorry for what you are going through. I have expounded to no end how everyone is one health disaster/job/insurance payment away from being bankrupt. However, I note from your previous posts you have been very negative in the past over the current health care legislation. Do you still feel the same way, or am I totally wrong on this?
I hope you get well.
I am still negative on the current HC - backwards typist
[ In Reply To ..]There are still too many problems in the plan to make it affordable for most people, like how it will be paid for plus cutting payments to providers and doctors, the taxes that will be forthcoming, etc., including taxing all medical devices.
The way to HC would have been fraud reform and waste in the system, but, this is really not about the new HC.
I really just needed to blow off some steam. I slept decently last night because I did that. :-)
Your post made me want to cry. So sorry for the Hell you are going through. - DJ
[ In Reply To ..]I just had to cancel my individual health insurance this week due to lack of income. I have lost sleep over that. Hopefully I will be able to pick it back up in 6 months and I pray no unforseen health issues arise before that.
I cannot imagine the emotional turmoil you are going through now. I feel for you. All I can say is stop worrying about how you will pay for those bills. They can't get blood from a turnip, right?! Instead concentrate on remembering positive aspects of your life, keeping positive thoughts, and continue to seek medical treatment at low-cost clinics. Get that mammogram.
Try taking OTC melatonin to help with sleep at night. Or a glass of wine to relax your mind.
To Backwards Typist - Old MT
[ In Reply To ..]Please do not use your IRAs or 401Ks for any medical bills. Wait until you have all the treatment you are advised to have and then consult a good CH7 bankruptcy attorney. You need your IRA or 401K for food and a roof over your head. Please get a free consult with an attorney in your state to find out what options are open to you. In the meantime, God bless you. My prayers and thoughts are with you.
OMG - anon
[ In Reply To ..]What a scary experience you are going through. My prayers are with you.
I know taking early Social Security must have been a tough decision, since now you limited in how much salary you can get without a penalty, and now your monthly payments are lower than if you waited. How long before Medicare kicks in?
Maybe you do need legal advice, but it sounds as if getting all the tests and treatment you need and then filing for bankruptcy wouldn't work, since it sounds like they won't let you have the treatment without the ability to pay as you go.
Thought of CH7 - backwards typist
[ In Reply To ..]I've been holding off until I can get my head screwed back on straight. The plastic surgeon (God bless him) is doing everything he can to help me. What a wonderful doctor he is. He has given me a little hope but, being the worry-wort that I am, it's tough.
I certainly was dumb when hubby had his open heart surgery 6 years ago. I wound up maxing out the credit cards so we could live and then went into the hardship program when the MT wages/no work/slow work hit me back in 2008. i only have this year and I'll be free of them, but in the meantime, I struggle to pay them now with hubby out of work,too.
I look forward to next year. LOL
no insurance - anon
[ In Reply To ..]I know what it is like to have no insurance. I am going through the same thing right now for a skin disease that I have.
God bless you. I will keep you in my prayers.
Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts, prayers, and ideas - backwards typist
[ In Reply To ..]Oh, i made a mistake in my fist post. I didn't go for radiation after s month. i was in that cast for 6 weeks and after that came off, then I went for radiation.
After posting yesterday, I slept very good last night. Got 5 hours sleep. I think part of my problem, too, is I've always been so INdependent and now I have to rely on other people to take me everywhere, which is tough because I have to follow their schedule.
I can bend the knee almost all the way, but I still don't have full feeling in the leg from the knee down and sleeping at night "freezes" the muscle so that in the morning, I need to move it a lot and use a cane or else I have pain in the foot and ankle and I lose my balance.
I am going to try not to worry about anything and I think I will keep my appointments because I saws where Robin Roberts went on medical leave today for her bone marrow transplants starting Monday. She was stating that her doc said when you have cancer, a lot of times, it morphs into another disease or problem. Then I read this morning's paper and Arlen Spector is going through his 3rd bout with cancer. That info bothers me a bit.
So, thank you again everyone. I do feel somewhat better after venting. I'll just throw the bills in a pile in a drawer for further reference for now.
Love you guys.
Sorry we just need one simple plan - sm
[ In Reply To ..]Everyone who is working gets health care and all over 65 never have to pay a dime for health care. All this difficulty with health care breeds corruption. Keep it simple and no one gets robbed. Sorry for your challenges. Every time I go for a health check up and test I just pray all negative as to not have to go through what you and so many other Americans are going through.
Over 65, where do I find the health care I don't have to pay - P
[ In Reply To ..]a dime for? Even with Medicare (which I chose not to get) you still have to pay money for, in my case 20% of hospital care such as colonoscopy, copay on doctor visits, medicine also. With Medicare you are charged so much a month for that. I have no idea where you can get the insurance you speak of. Let me and others know.
Have You Considered Chapter 7? - Lena
[ In Reply To ..]When I had 80K in medical bills as an independent contractor, even with private insurance I was eventually forced into Chapter 7 Bankruptcy when Sutter bought out the hospital I was making monthly payments to and demanded the balance while I had was recuperating with no income - just borrowed money. I made the mistake of putting that 80K on multiple credit cards and there was no way out. It worked for a short time but then I had to file BK.
Later I had nearly 10,000 in medical bills after an accident where no insurance company would insure me do to preexisting conditions. The hospital had me file documents to show hardship and they reduced this bill down to something I could pay off in a couple of months.
I'd look into those two options to see if you can get some relief.
Most breast lumps are not cancer, so try to keep the positive thoughts. I'd get that mammogram and biopsy if needed. Once you know what you are dealing with, then you can deal with the hospital billing and see if they will reduce the bill due to hardship.
My thoughts are with you. You can get through this. Just try to stay positive and hopeful. One more absolutely necessity for you might be antidepressants to help you through this horrid situation.
Take care! :o)
Sorry... - Ang
[ In Reply To ..]So sorry for what you are going through. Life can just be awful. Can you update us?
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