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Re: Primary caregiver/mom with dementia
Posted: Apr 24, 2015
The advice and comments I have received from all of you are priceless. I think I will start finding ways to decrease the 10,000 and work on trying to get her in a nursing home. The advice on how to talk to a dementia person, OMG thanks so much. I always try to correct her and try to get her to understand and sometimes I think it is making her not like me. I will from now on agree with what ever she says, in order to have peace in the home. Once again, thank all of you. I feel a whole lot better just knowing that there are people out there who care and who have walked in my shoes. ;
Best to you - see msg
[ In Reply To ..]I am one of the people who said not to correct her or make her feel bad. I know you do not do it to make her feel bad---it's kind of a gut reaction to say something. I would just humor her. It actually will ease some of your tension.
I'm also the one who recommended the book, "The 36-Hour Day." It gets you into the head of the person who has dementia and helps you understand what's going on from her side, that she is not able to express. Kind of helps one be more patient, because you can now see things from her side.
That isn't to say you don't still need to get out and do things for yourself.
Let us know how you are doing.
Do you know where I learned what I know now? From the sm - acuteMLS
[ In Reply To ..]Alzheimer's Association message boards. There are so many helpful people there who have been in our shoes and further. The advice I received there really helped make my mother's experience (and mine) SO much easier.
What I also learned was if you let them talk about whatever they want to, you will see just how fascinating the brain is and how imaginative your loved one is.
My mom had an imaginary boyfriend and she would tell me how he would put a ladder under the window to get her out of the house at night to go dancing. It was actually relaxing listening to her talk about things she enjoyed.
The only time I would try to divert her attention from what she was speaking about was if it seemed distressing to her.
The address for the Alz Assoc message boards is : https://www.alzconnected.org/discussion.aspx
That Reminds Me - see msg
[ In Reply To ..]I've been a contributor to this subject--I'm the one whose MIL had bad Alzheimer's with violent tendencies. We did finally get her on some good medication and it helped a lot.
One thing many people with dementia like to do is "fiddle around" with things, for some reason. My MIL liked to fold laundry, so I'd give her a pile of towels and have her fold them, and she'd be at it fiddling, making them perfect. When she wasn't looking, I'd mess them up then give them to her again, and she'd fold them all over again, never even remembering she folded them the first time.
She liked to do flower arrangements, so I'd mess up all the flower arrangements in the house, then give them to her to "fix." She would sit for hours on that and it kept her calm.
You have to get creative and know your loved one, and you'll find what works, but if you have no break from it, you'll break and just get angry. It's very difficult, but for anyone who is in this situation, reach out wherever you can so you don't feel so all alone with it.
$10,000 asset limit for spend down - sm
[ In Reply To ..]In our state their is a $10,000 asset limit so make sure you know and understand how to deal with this. There is is a $3,000 burial allowance, and more is allowed for disabilities for blindness, etc. Your state is probably different.
Elder lawyers and guardians - Been Three
[ In Reply To ..]You should talk to an elder lawyer and/or a guardian before spending down her funds. If the state object to what you spent, they can take it from you. They will examine that during the Medicaid process.
It was a very simple matter to put my mom in a nursing home. THAT was what spent down her money to get her on Medicaid. 10K is nothing.
If you are not already her guardian, you may have difficulty getting it if your mom cannot consent. We had to let a guardian be appointed. She was very nice and did what we wanted, but took care of everything. It was a blessing.
One of my neighbors agonized over putting her husband in a care environment. However, once she did it, they are both happier. She spends quality time with him daily, which she could never do before because she had no time around the basic care. She was exhausted.
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