A community of 30,000 US Transcriptionist serving Medical Transcription Industry
Anyone a primary caregiver for a
Posted: Apr 22, 2015
Just needing to vent and network with people who are taking care of an elderly parent. This is going on my second year, and while I have 4 other siblings, I am the only one taking care of her. She had several strokes and is bedridden for the most part. She has recovered somewhat from the stroke but still not walking, but the dementia comes and goes. Sometimes she does not know who I am and calls me one of her sisters, and when I try to correct her, she would say "well that's what the other one, said, and it seems to make her confused when I try to correct her. I dont have a life at all. My work (as a transcriptionist at home) has suffered tremendously, last year made only 25,000 dollars. I have to stop often to check on her and sometimes she is calling me constant during the day. I am at home 24/7 and between work and taking care of mom, I get depressed sometimes. I need an outlet, cannot afford to pay for a sitter. I have a sister who lives about 17 hours away and when I asked can she let her stay wtih her for a while since she is retiring in August, she says, all her bedrooms are upstairs (mind you she has a basement) and that she cannot accommodate her. I have brothers who come by every blue moon. I would consider nursing home but in my state (Alabama), nursing home is upwards of 500 dollars a day, and Medicaid would pay for nursing home, if you have absolutely nothing at all, life insurance no more than 5000.00, and no money in the bank. Well my dad died last year and left 10,000 in her bank account to help with burial and such, so as long as she has that money in the bank, Medicaid will not pay for her nursing home. SHe gets a 1000 Medicare check a month, but I have to buy her supplies such as diapers, CHux, gloves, etc., and she is being tube fed, plus there are bills she has from past hospitalizations and hospital bed, wheelchair, tube feeds and such. Anyway, I need some type of outlet. I am 58 and have diabetes and hypertension myself. Thanks for letting me vent.;
Was your father a vet by any chance? - Information here
[ In Reply To ..]My aunt eventually went to an assisted living place. She worked some in earlier years but did not have enough SS income to pay for any housing, it is expensive. BTW, she was in Alabama also. Anyway, I found out about wives (don't know about other dependents) or husbands for that matter have some coverage to help out with matters such as hers (perhaps yours). I pointed her son in the right direction to inquire. Another thing she did long before she needed help was her money was not in her name but rather her son's so by the time she went to assisted living it showed no money in any account she had. Probably too late now to transfer over accounts but people need to know things like this, you have too much and you may not be covered for assistance. I would say, you need to check into what kinds of avenues you could go with assistance for her. With her dementia you might not be able to continue to care for her even if your back allows it.
Elder care - Dotts
[ In Reply To ..]Was in the same boat as you some ten years ago. My sister tried my mom living with her but her husband put a stop to that. Mom came to live with me with her dementia, worse day by day. I got in trouble with my at-home MT company too - couldn't work well either. After a couple of years, mom had to go to the nursing home. She died several years ago at age 91 in the nursing home. By then, she remembered my twin sister but didn't remember me! The night she died from a stroke, somehow she had her wits about her to get up, go to the piano and play NEARER MY GOD TO THEE on the piano(she had a strong classical music background). I think even though her physical mind was gone, her spiritual mind was still "with it." Is there some counselor you can talk to in your area about supplementing the costs for your mom's supplies and care? Maybe contact the Department on Aging? I know what you're going through.
To the OP - sm
[ In Reply To ..]There is probably a special place in heaven for caregivers like you. My heart truly goes out to you.
I am assuming your mother will be getting worse as time goes along. I am not saying anything needs to be done immediately, except for you seeking a break and being able to vent, but you are going to have to start planning for the future. You did not say how old your mom was. Your mom could be placed in a nursing home at any time based on what you describe. The thing is, any money that she has would be directed toward the cost of that nursing home until it runs out. Then Medicare/Medicaid will start picking up the cost. I know you wanted that $10,000, I think it was, for burial costs, but that will be considered as well. Besides, what happens when you get to the point that you can really no longer care for her? When she actually does need professional medical and nursing care? If that is the case, and the $10,000 is depleted, then when the time comes, you ask your siblings to step up with the cost of burial expenses. Tell them ahead of time to plan on this.
You need to speak with a senior center/counselor/social worker about your options. Yes, you should be reimbursed for her expenses and supplies, but what about your time and your effort? What price do you put on giving up your own life? Can you actually be paid for this? You should also check into an adult daycare if that is possible, paid from your mom's funds. You can ask your siblings to pitch in, but if they refuse, you can tell them that is where the money is coming from. Either that, or they pitch in. It is impossible to do this alone. When the time comes, you, personally, may be better off depleting the money by means of daycare, paying yourself etc., and having her placed in a nursing home close by your home. Since your siblings are only seen with blue moons, you could visit her every single day. This would be less work and stress for you, not to mention that your time together would then be quality time that you will never regret. This would be easier on both of you. As you know, it is not just buying what she needs and feeding her. There is so much else that is time consuming, feeding, bathing, washing her clothes and linens, going to the drug store countless times, etc.
Just because your mom is in a nursing home does not mean you are no longer taking care of her. If she is placed in a facility close to your home, you can take her things, watch TV with her, listen to music with her, take her out for a day, and on and on. You will actually BE THERE for her. You just won't have to do all the work, thinking, and planning that is stressing you out, and not leaving that quality time together you both deserve.
I say after you have all of this figured out, deplete the money, etc., you have a talk with your siblings. Tell them what you plan to do. Ask for their help in any way they wish to contribute. If they have no suggestions and cannot offer assistance, make sure they understand what you plan to do, and what they can plan on in the future. If they do not agree, then tell them to take over her care and planning for the future. Make sure you have documentation from reliable sources about qualifications to a nursing home, expenses for adult daycare, reimbursing yourself, and anything else a senior agency may be able to offer.
Lastly, do not ever feel guilty that you have caregiver burn out. This is an immense task, and I am not certain that your siblings understand what it entails, and that you have needs and deserve a life as well.
God bless you, my dear. You are an angel!!!
Yes, since last July... - anothercaregiver
[ In Reply To ..]I started caring for my dad last year, he is 87. He doesn't require much care right now, but from December to February had a severe infection and got very weak and required a lot of care. While my situation isn't as bad as yours, I do understand what you are going through. I too have very little life. Dad kind of thinks of me as his wife instead of his daughter, I think. My mom passed away 5 years ago. He doesn't like me to go anywhere and once when I went out to dinner with girlfriends he called my brother (he couldn't remember my phone number), who lives about half an hour away, because he was having problems with his catheter. Rather than trying to reach me, or driving 30 miles to come help, my brother called 911 and I came home to ambulances in the driveway. I've kind of been afraid to leave him since then. I too have 3 siblings, and while one of them is very supportive, he works full time. My work has suffered too, but as you know since I work at home everyone assumes I have all the time in the world to take care of dad. I guess I'm not really much help to you, although one thing I can recommend is to make advance paid funeral arrangements with the money she has in the bank, then she might qualify for more benefits. My mom was buried in my dad's plot at the veteran's cemetery and he will be buried in the same plot when he passes away, so if your dad was a vet that's a good option too. There are lots of people in your shoes, find a support group if you can. I've been thinking about taking Dad to a senior center so I can have some free time and he can make some friends, but when he was in the care center while he recovered from the infection he wouldn't talk to anyone there, so I'm not sure how well he will do at the senior center, and he will probably not want me to leave him there. Boy do I know how you feel! Hang in there!!!!
Caregiver here too - see message
[ In Reply To ..]Lots of good advice above. I'm kind of rushed and can't go through them all carefully. Your situation is WAY more complicated than mine. I'll tell you what I know and hope it helps.
My mom has dementia also. About 2 years ago, I moved her to the small town where I live and found her an apartment. Six months ago we put her in assisted living, but it wasn't long before she required more care. She's now in sort of a nursing home. Someone above said that you still have a lot of caregiver responsibilities even when your parent is living in one of these facilities, though; I feel like my life has virtually been swallowed up, and you have a lot more responsibilities than I do, for sure. BTW, I still work. I left MT about 6 months ago and work at a hospital as a secretary. My mom is still ambulatory, unlike yours. I visit her daily.
When I do research on caregiving, most caretakers universally experience the fatigue, isolation, etc., that you describe. I found it depressing and stopped visiting the websites. I have 2 siblings, both of whom would rather not be bothered. I threatened to go to probate court and have a guardian appointed. Don't know if I could have actually done it or not, but my sibs responded VERY quickly, fearing that their inheritance would disappear.
I applied with the Department of Veterans Affairs for assistance with the cost (my dad was a WWII vet). You need to get A LOT of paperwork together if you do this, which can be difficult if your parent can't remember much. If you'd like a list of required documents, say so on this board, and I'll respond on the board with a list. I have it ALL, trust me. My mom was declined assistance. The VA said that if she would distribute her assets, she could be eligible immediately (no waiting period), but she refused, feeling that it was unethical. I agreed with her.
I handle all of my mom's paperwork, which is exhausting in and of itself. Thankfully, a lot of her needs are met by the facility. The staff there is very kind to her (remember, we live in a small town, so I KNOW these people as neighbors).
I understand that money has been set aside for your mom's final costs, but have you considered making and paying for all arrangements in advance? We did this for my mom. It may sound a little uncaring (don't mean to be), but since my mom is still able to sign checks, we had her pay for everything (including headstone) except flowers. She also paid the attorney's fee for designating general and healthcare power of attorney. If you can do these things, her assets will possibly be depleted sufficiently to obtain assistance. I keep a careful written record of EVERY expense (even the Sunday newspaper and toothpaste), because all of this is investigated when the will is probated. I'm trying to get as much paperwork done in advance as possible, recognizing that it will be twice as difficult later.
In the rural area where I live, the "personal care" facilities are located on the local hospital campus (where I work now). The cost is pretty reasonable compared to others. Assisted-living was ~2000/month, and where she is now (not quite a nursing home really) is ~3000/month. I've been told that the official nursing home is ~9000/month, so obviously I'm hoping that won't be necessary. She's 93 years old. Just this past weekend, she found an unlocked door and wandered out and down the road before it was discovered. This is a substantial risk and potential liability for the facility. They've suggested the use of a "sitter" at least 12 hours a day, which is pretty costly.
My situation isn't nearly as complicated as yours; even so, I get depressed and angry. This could last for years. I think my mom deserves the best, and I don't know why my sibs can't bother to write a stupid letter or call her. A social worker or other professional may give you advice about how to force them to participate at least financially. Your situation is so unfair that it makes me weep. I hope you can get the relief you need. Obviously, people here are willing to listen to you vent as much as you need to.
Please forgive typos or poorly structured sentences, etc. I'm tired!
Maybe This Will Help a Bit - To Help You
[ In Reply To ..]I don't like saying "I know how you feel," but I surely can tell you how I felt. Like I was totally trapped.
My situation was that it was hubby's mother. She had very bad Alzheimer's (with violent tendencies), and we took her in. It was a horrible stress, BUT there were 2 of us, so I think I can imagine you feel double what me alone felt. It's a very isolating feeling, isn't it?
One thing we did not have was the added physical care---while she refused to take a shower or let one of us give her one, she did manage to get herself dressed every day and get herself a bite for breakfast. We cooked lunch and dinner for her and managed her meds.
We also found out that you can't just "put someone in a nursing home." If they refuse (even if you have guardianship/conservatorship/power of attorney), she still gets to say "no." I know someone who had to trick the parent into thinking she was going to visit a friend in a nursing home.
Regarding your family who isn't helping, get in writing that they are waiving any responsibility. Heck, they'll be the first on the bandwagon to get whatever "goods" there might be left after she dies.
Transferring any assets to your name is smart (if your mother signs the paperwork), but sometimes there's a window in which the person would have to wait before going into a nursing home. Could be 3 or 5 years after the transfer of funds.
I think it's extremely important for you to get a sitter once a week---some people volunteer for that sort of thing; your local church might be able to help. You NEED to get out of the house and do something you love to do. For hubby and I, it was getting together with friends to blow off some steam. You may prefer to just go for a nice long walk, do some window shopping, take yourself on a picnic. You'll be amazed at how refreshed you'll feel. THE WALLS CAN CLOSE IN ON YOU REALLY FAST.
Hubby was an only child, so we were basically all alone with this. I would write off the siblings in your situation. They sound very selfish.
You can't do this alone. Reach out locally. Sometimes, the local hospital or other facility has classes on how to handle dementia situations.
Meanwhile, a really good book to read is "The 36-Hour Day." You can probably get it on Amazon for a few bucks, or you can check your local library. You don't have to read it from front to back, but rather it has chapters customized to a given situation.
You can make yourself emotionally and/or physically sick if you do this all alone. See if there are some local support groups for people in just your situation. Even try to find just one person who you can talk to on the phone who is in the same situation. There may even be someone in your neighborhood in the same or similar situation.
My very best to you, and please stay in touch and let us know how you are.;)
Another caregiver here.... - ...
[ In Reply To ..]I'm coming in a little late on the conversation, but I could have written what you did...I'm in an almost exact situation. I'm also the only caregiver for my mother, who was diagnosed with dementia. I have siblings but none of them live close and/or aren't interested in helping, so it's all on me. I know what you mean about the constant interruptions. Wow. Sometimes I just have to laugh. I did find that a note posted on my door (that is there 24/7 lol) says "Please Don't Knock - I am working!" helps cut down on the interruptions. I've been doing this 5 years now. I basically just keep coming up with "fixes" as things happen. I had to put a driveway gate in with a lock to both prevent her from wandering off while I'm back here working AND to prevent telemarketers from coming to the door. Once, I went out and someone was sitting on the couch while my mother was rummaging thru all the drawers to find "money" for him. ?????.
I do agree with what one of the posters said....you should look into "spending down" that 10k. There are many things you could use that money for that will then allow her to qualify for Medicaid. The burial plot is one of them for sure. I have found several websites such as caring.com where there are boards you can do all the venting you want and/or ask questions; I have gotten very good advice and ideas from this site.
First and foremost I have found you MUST take care of yourself FIRST.
Area Agency on Aging - sm
[ In Reply To ..]I Googled and I see Alabama has this. Start there for resources. Try local Community Action, Health Department, or County Social Services. You need some counseling advice. Our counties have directories of services. I am not sure of current status, but we used to have respite care, home health aides, and volunteer sitters available.
Nursing homes often have day care services and care coordination advice.
I would spend down that $10,000 and get plugged into the system.
May I ask was the tube feeding started for some reason a sm - acuteMLS
[ In Reply To ..]long time ago? What I mean is the tube wasn't put in because she is having swallowing difficulty due to the dementia, was it?
If so, you may want to reconsider, as there have been multiple studies that show a feeding tube does nothing to enhance a dementia patient's life and really only prolongs a really crummy stage of the disease. So there's that.
due to your own health problems, you do need to consider spending down the $10K your mother has (I'm sure she has many expenses that will take care of the money, and Medicaid will also pay for all those supplies you are getting her now anyway. Nursing home placement should be considered because to be honest, your 2 health issues now are very likely to get worse or she could even outlive you because the stress of being the lone ranger on the caregiving front is brutal and can kill you.
Also, don't try to correct her when she says something off the wall, just go with it--much easier on you and on her.
I also concur with contacting your Area Agency on Aging as a starting point and also I always recommend visiting facilities in your area even if you aren't planning to place her---if something awful occurs like a fall or other thing where she needs hospital admission and rehab care after, you don't want to be caught not knowing what a good facility and a bad facility is in your area. So visit a bunch of them so you can at least tell a social worker where you want her to be if she ends up in the hospital.
Wise advice - see message
[ In Reply To ..]You said, "...don't try to correct her when she says something off the wall, just go with it." You are SO RIGHT. This has taken me 2 years to learn. Correction serves no purpose here and leads to frustration. My mom speaks often now of conversations she is currently having with people who are long gone. I used to try to explain this to her to no avail. She's so convincing that I find myself looking over my shoulder to see if there's someone behind me.
In fact, correcting most people is generally unrewarding. Remember the saying, "Would you rather be right or would you rather have friends?" (Don't recall the phrase exactly.)
Wise advice- your advice served me well several - years ago, great!
[ In Reply To ..]For years I would respond to my mother because I had things to say also, right? Fast forward she got upset with me and did not wish to see or speak with me for several years. I eventually called, told her if I could see her again I would never say anything else to cause her to be upset. You talk about working wonders. I would bite my tongue but time passed and by the end of her life she was asking me what did I think about things, something that never happened when I wanted to just speak my mind. It paid off big time for me. When she died, I was okay in the fact we had our relationship at a good point.
Correcting a Dementia Person - see msg
[ In Reply To ..]I think correcting a dementia person is demeaning to them. Questions like, "don't you remember when/so-and-so?" just make the person feel bad. I also hear people say, "How could you not remember...?" It's all very condescending.
Just smile and go with the flow when it comes to that sort of thing.
A person does not have to be demented to - not be able to remember and this happens
[ In Reply To ..]It is horribly frustrating not to be able to remember most everything. I leave my home, have to return before leaving the street, did I lock the front door, what about the garage. I don't remember doing that. This is not just OCD or another abbreviation. Someone tells me something and by the next day gone. I write down everything that is important. I hand all really important papers to my husband. He can remember, I cannot where did I put those papers. I cannot figure out the slightest issue. I needed a new cord to hook up my printer. Did I need a USB or an extension cord. When I am sent some instructions regarding my work and step by step, I sit here for sometime looking and looking trying to grasp the idea. I just told my really much younger friend the other day when she stated, "I just told you that yesterday, don't you remember" very nice and soft to please never say to me again, I have explained that in the past, I am not trying to forget. I told her it might have been caused by the fact that years ago in an abusive relationship and my head was hit up against a wall of cinder blocks until I saw stars, who knows but that is the way I am. This has been an ongoing issue for me for years now.
If this lady truly does have dementia that comes and goes - She needs a friend. sm
[ In Reply To ..]My mom has dementia that comes and goes. She does not remember things told to her, conversations she has had, how to do things, or that she has asked a questions numerous times. She actually realizes this, and sometimes will so, "Oh yeah, that's right." Although, I have to say her "finally remembering episodes" are getting less and less.
My sister would actually raise her voice to mom, saying, "I already told you," or "we just talked about that this morning. Mom did realize it once she was told a time or two, but my sister's inpatient attitude really upset her. She actually became afraid to talk to my sister, fearing she would "mess up." I spoke to my sister about it, and said you have to stop. You have to answer the question or have the conversation just like it is the first time. I did this with my mother. I listened to the same questions, the same stories over and over and never said a word. It kept her talking to me. She needed a friend. She told me things she would not discuss with my sister, because she was not "comfortable" talking to my sister. When my sister realized how I kept a good relationship with mom, and what was happening to her relationship with mom, she changed quickly.
You do not need to tell them they are forgetting, they already realize that. You do not need to tell them they are wrong. You do not need to be right. You need to just be there. You need to be their friend, one who actually truly comforts them, one they are comfortable sharing things with. It makes the biggest difference in their life, and it will in yours.
To the OP, perhaps you would have a better relationship with your mom if she were in the nursing home. You would not have to constantly be working your job, your home, and working taking care of her, with nothing left for yourself. As stated earlier, you could leave all that buying, cleaning, washing, feeding, etc. to someone else. Your job would be to visit and actually enjoy being with your mom, talking with her, taking her out for a stroll or a ride. It sounds like this time is precious at this point and you do not want to waste it. As you have had no help from the sibs, you certainly do not need their approval, but you should inform them of your plans. If the $10,000 can prepay her burial expenses, DO IT!
This is hard, I know. Good luck to you. Please do let us know how you are.
That is a lovely note - see msg
[ In Reply To ..]I could not have said that better. I'm one of the contributors to this discussion, and I mentioned not correcting the person. I am so glad your sister saw the error of her ways. It really is mean to say things like your sister was saying. It also put your mother in a situation where she probably was lying just so she didn't have to listen to your sister's condescending manner.
I think this is a good discussion for everyone. I used to just humor my MIL when she told a story over and over and over. I would express surprise and glee each time, just as if it was the first time she told it. And when I answered questions over and over, I said it exactly the same each time. I think that gave her a sense of security.
My very best to all who have to face this. My MIL passed away 10 years ago, but we had her for a few years and it was quite a learning experience for me.
I think, if we are truly learning from it, it makes us so much sm - acuteMLS
[ In Reply To ..]compassionate people. I also learned to truly not worry about the past or the future and appreciate what's going on NOW, as that is the only thing our loved ones have sometimes. Now.
I really learned about how much I can bear, and I went well beyond what I thought I could originally.
With a couple of my older friends (70-80ish) - even though I wouldnt call it - sm
[ In Reply To ..]"dementia" per se, they do sometimes forget things I've told them in the past. Not little things, but relatively big news or life events that most people would remember.
One thing I started to realize during an outing with one of them this past week was, the tendency to remember what I tell them in face-to-face conversation, but not what they read in a letter or email I wrote to them.
This seems to be particularly true of driving directions and/or maps. I draw very clear, detailed, easy-to-read maps, and my written directions are equally clear. Yet in my most recent experience, at the last minute the friend called and stated she didn't thing she'd be able to find her way to my house. Instead, I gave her simple verbal instructions to a meeting spot just off the freeway, and those instructions were remembered.
The other thing I haven't figured out how to convey as well as I'd like is how to get back ONTO the freeway when these friends leave, short of having them follow me in my car up the onramp. (I would do this, except it's a toll road and I'd have to pay the toll before I could turn around.) The last two times I tried to do with with elderly friends, I told them to just follow me down the street in my car, and I would stick my arm out the window and POINT AT the onramp, so they'd know where to turn. Oddly, in each instance this failed. More recently, my friend passed the on-ramp and had to do a U-turn to get back to it, even though I pointed at it and there's a great big green "Freeway" sign right there. With another friend, she passed the northbound on-ramp and instead got on the southbound on-ramp.
I now think I was wrong to think that pointing at the on-ramp was helpful. Instead, I think it served as a distraction, and my friends were watching my pointing arm, and not watching for the on-ramp. It's sad, and just a little scary.
How about a good GPS? I love mine and - do not leave for a trip without 2
[ In Reply To ..]I like a backup. So I went to Florida a couple of years ago. I decided to put an address in my GPS before leaving my hotel room and what I did was actually put in walking directions. I could not unscramble, even found 2 younger people who did not know how to unscramble but never fear, I had the other 1 as backup. I love mine and would never want to be without now. I also have in my car as does my husband but we both prefer our GPS that we bought earlier. My daughter also has a GPS in her car but prefers the one that is detachable.
People deal with directions differently - sm
[ In Reply To ..]It is kind of scary, but that is not necessarily a sign of dementia. You just might not have noticed it until recently, but people deal with directions -- the map kind -- quite differently.
Some are ok with explicit, detailed, step by step instructions. "Go 1/4 mile NE, turn R at Low Lane, from left lane, merge onto 375." They have meaning. They can "see" it in their mind and translate that into what they see in front of them.
Other people prefer directions more like "drive then turn at the church."
Others have no sense of direction whatsoever and can't find their way to anything they cannot already see or to which they do not already know the way, and that might be limited to a 1 mile radius.
I had a neighbor who would only drive on neighborhood roads to the closest store. A mile was too far. A four lane road was too big. The interstate was never going to happen.
I know a young computer programmer who cannot find his way to and from work without a GPS that speaks directions. He can only find things on the same highway as the office, by driving until he sees it. One turn and he loses it.
I know someone else who has never been to a mall 2 miles east of her work on the same highway because it is "too far and I would get lost. If I got there, I couldn't get home." She shops only on the road to work.
My mother would get off the interstate at EVERY exit to ask for directions, when all you had to was keep driving. She could not understand the big green signs. She used to go to an aunt's house by driving on one road to a bridge then straight across town. She moved. After she moved, it was a very short distance to my aunt. She could have gone straight there from her new home. She instead drove all the way back to the bridge, using the one incredibly congested highway she knew, stoplight at every corner, made a U-turn, and drove to my aunt's on the old road. When road improvements were undertaken, she NO LONGER RECOGNIZED ANYTHING and stopped visiting my aunt. She was not old, either.
That generation of women also did not live or think independently, at least not to the extent they do today. Many never had the chance to develop driving skills.
I laughed at some of the issues you covered - but disagree with others
[ In Reply To ..]I have maternal relatives, mostly all deceased now. Years ago women mostly married, stay at home with the kids. My relatives on the other hand had jobs and either widowed or divorced. Most women in the 1940s or 1950s not divorced! I used to get questions from school chums about how did I feel about not having my father living with me. Having said this, all women drove. My grandmother (in her 50s driving my mother, us kids to Florida, 3 states from ours using paper road maps, am sure because then no GPS, do not know about the freeways because most came in with Eisenhower), both maternal aunts had cars and drove extensively, both into their 80s. My grandmother died at 75 in the 70s and she was driving up until around age 73 when she started developing CHF. I remember seeing my grandmother on her roof trying to repair something one time- she was in her 60s but her husband had died years before her. All my maternal relatives, aunts, grandmother, etc. lived and thought independently, had to because like I said, divorced or spouse deceased. I live in a city of millions and love the freeways, in fact the speed limit should be upped as far as I am concerned, 75 just too slow. I know a lady about 20 something years younger and she never takes the freeway, never, scared of it. Before I had a GPS I used to rely on mapquest but trying to look and drive around my city is suicidal, the traffic is extremely fast. Even before I had a computer I used road maps and can read those now. Oh, something I can do that not everyone can do now is I am proficient on a stick shift! My father taught me how so I could drive stick or automatic.
I said "many," not "all" - There were exceptions
[ In Reply To ..]Please, before you challenge another's comments, read what they said! I said "many," not "every single one without exception."
It IS very common in that age group that women did not drive and spent their time at home keeping house and raising kids.
Perhaps your family was different. Many were. It probably depends on where you lived and your ethnic group.
Please stop challenging everything I say. Every time I post, I can just see you poised and waiting to counter me. It makes no difference what I say ... you have some disagreement with it. I can tell it is you, too, by the telegraphic style of writing you employ.
Did not challenge, rather stating facts - Now really laughing
[ In Reply To ..]I am laughing because I just read your saying I challenge everything you say and you know every time I post, that I am waiting to counter you. I have never been able to do this, what a gift you have. I have no knowledge of who posts what. For your information, this is an open place where anyone can post. You have no option to say I cannot or the next person cannot respond. If I was unhappy thinking others were poised and waiting to pounce on my every little word I doubt I would post here. Italian background here. I should not have said that. May not fit the ethnic thing you brought up.
Just got back home and thinking about what you - said about my challenging
[ In Reply To ..]I do not know who you are and I do not care who you are. I have posted for years now and you are the only person ever to say I was challenging you and seemed to wait and counter anything you say. Telegraphic, that is a new one on me. You are the first ever person to say this in probably 8 years, maybe 10 or more. I care not 1 cent who you are, I do not try to counter you, in fact the last was not a challenge as you term it but rather I was just stating facts about my family. Your family might be different and again I don't care. You took a post personally when I spoke of my family.
I hear ya on the detailed directions! I LIKE - details myself, but one time - sm
[ In Reply To ..]a former high school friend was visiting me for a day, before heading down to Monterey for a job interview. When I gave her directions such as, "Turn left at Franklin Street, go 3 blocks, then bear to the right, and take the southbound onramp onto Highway 101." She didn't want street names for getting onto the freeway, or for once she was in Monterey. She was more interested in how long it would take. (Which can vary of course, depending on traffic!) She ticked me off by shouting at me, "That's TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" So, I gave her what she wanted. I said, "Okay, go out my driveway, turn left, when you see the freeway, turn right. Drive for 2 hours, then get off the freeway. You should be in Monterey by then."
LOL! I never heard from her again. I'd be willing to bet she not only missed Monterey, but her job interview, as well. ;)
Similar Messages:
Re: Primary Caregiver/mom With DementiaApr 24, 2015
The advice and comments I have received from all of you are priceless. I think I will start finding ways to decrease the 10,000 and work on trying to get her in a nursing home. The advice on how to talk to a dementia person, OMG thanks so much. I always try to correct her and try to get her to understand and sometimes I think it is making her not like me. I will from now on agree with what ever she says, in order to have peace in the home. Once again, thank all of you. I feel a whole lot be ...
Primary Mission Not Accomplished For GOP.Nov 07, 2012
Wow....instead of working together with the President of the United States on improving our country, doing the peoples' work, and trying to be fair to all Americans, the GOP members of Congress chose making Obama a one-term president as their #1 goal. All those hours working on obstruction, all those missed opportunities to do good things for this country, all that money down the drain. I would grade that a "Major Fail" of their #1 goal. ...
Republican Won Senate Primary In NC.May 07, 2014
This is only the beginning. HA!! ...
Two GOP Pols Risk Execution By Primary In A Fleeting Jul 07, 2013
when they admitted on page 2 of the linked NYT article it wasn't likely the IRS "targeting" of conservative groups was politically motivated. Senator Roy Blunt R-MO, up for re-election in 2016, and Rep Charles Boustany R-LA were wise to wait until an extended holiday slow-news cycle to make the admission. That way, it might get drowned out by all the celebratory fireworks and gunshots, both intentional and accidental, that produced fatalities and injuries, some of whom were ...
GOP Senators Fail To Head Off Primary Challenges Aug 31, 2013
From the NY Times WASHINGTON — For the past two years, Republican senators facing re-election have very deliberately spent millions of dollars, hired multiple consultants and cast scores of conservative votes with one goal in mind: avoiding the embarrassing primary conflagrations that befell their party in 2010 and 2012 and cost Republicans a chance at taking back the Senate. Enlarge This Image Drew Angerer for The New York Times Lindsey Graham of South Carolina is ...
Interesting Inside Look At Primary Caucus Process...Mar 23, 2016
This isn't a comment about the GOP. I have little doubt that primaries on the other side are run just as....(ahem!) informally. UTAH CAUCUS: First hand insider report - Incompetence, Manipulation, and Ballot Stuffing!!!Just got back from my caucus... My head is still spinning.Check in was slow but reasonably controlled. Super-long lines. I've never seen turnout like this.Got my credentials, but no presidential ballot. They said those would be delivered to our caucus room.Got to ...
Article On Buying Primary Care Doctors Jul 26, 2015
Here's an article about profiteers trying to buy doctor groups to "get control of their patient base and leverage those patients." I believe the model was transcription companies -- the idea was to round them up (Rodeer, anyone?) get control of the hospital accounts and leverage the MTs into accepting less and less. It worked on the little women so why not expand to credentialed men? ...
Federal Policy Has Worsened Primary Doctor Shortage.Apr 01, 2017
responding to a 2008 Physicians Foundation Survey, about half stated they would consider leaving medicine. A CNN report summarizing the findings stated that “many [primary care physicians] said they are overwhelmed with their practices, not because they have too many patients, but because there’s too much red tape generated from insurance companies and government agencies.”[2] In response, one would have expected that policymakers, when assessing the merits of a proposed healthcare ...
Eric Cantor LOSES His Primary Race To TP Challenger. Jun 10, 2014
Dems will crush Dave Brat. But on another note, looks like talking out of both side of the mouth didn't work for Cantor. ...
Clay Aiken's Primary Opponent Found Dead Yesterday. SmMay 13, 2014
Reports say he suffered a fall of some sort. The primary was so close that an official winner has still not been declared. Not sure what they do now...declare Aiken the winner (preliminary results had him leading by fewer than 400 votes), or have a runoff between him and the other trailing candidate. ...
Direct Primary Care Offers A Market Solution To Doctor Shortages.Oct 12, 2016
physician, the doctor — not insurance companies or government regulators — sets his own rates. His patients pay a monthly fee for unlimited access to office visits and free in-office testing and procedures. And getting rid of the middleman cuts patient costs as much as 50 percent. Savage told Watchdog.org he adopted the DPC model after 12 years of traditional practice so he could focus on his patients instead of bureaucracy. “I wanted to work in a system that facilitated being a qu ...
Ah, Yesssss. Yet ANOTHER "fair" Primary.Jun 08, 2016
http://www.latimes.com/politics/la-pol-ca-voting-problems-20160607-snap-htmlstory.html ...