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Do you believe in signs?
Posted: Apr 14, 2015
Here is my tale of woe. Been with my fiance for over 5 years. We have gone through some very tough times. Had our wedding planned 4 years ago and to cancel due to fire and needing money to keep us afloat. Plus, we had to take ex-wife to court.
Second time, 1 of our cars died and needed money to buy a used car.
Just recently set yet another date, told family and friends, now have to take back yet again. His ex-wife has entered the picture necessitating taking her back to court yet again. Yep, you guessed it. the money is gone again.
When pricing for wedding expenses, it is once again not in our budget and doubt that it ever will be. Sitting here in tears. I waited a VERY LONG time to find him. I have never been married before. I just wanted a small famly wedding and reception in church. We are going to have a get a magistrate as that is all we can afford. I guess we will have him just come to our apartment or do it in hs office. Don't want family or friends there.
My family pretty much considers me the "black sheep" of the family anyway. I will let them know after we have done it. Don't want to hear it from them. Don't want fiance's family there either. I am ashamed of myself for not being able to pull this off. My life has been a series of ups and downs, mostly downs. Trying to find the silver lining but feeling like God is throwing me signs and I am too dense to reallize it.
It's hard when both of us are struggling financially. Guess I'll just go with the flow and continue putting 1 foot in front of the other.
Thanks for listening. Time for me to get off the pity pot and be happy for the things I do have. No one ever said life was going to be easy.
;
Never saw the big deal about weddings anyway. - got married at the courthouse
[ In Reply To ..]it is a piece of paper. Think of all of the things you could spend the money on instead of trying to impress or please everyone else. Not worth it. If you really just to just be married to him don't let money stop you. If you keep waiting tomorrow could be too late.
That's what DH and I did. Second marriage for both (sm) - 6 years and counting
[ In Reply To ..]We didn't even tell our kids. We went to the courthouse and hoped there would be witnesses. I wore a nice pair of slacks and sweater, he wore jeans and a nice shirt. Who cares? It's just as legal.
I am confused on why you want a wedding when you dont want - his family or your family there anyway
[ In Reply To ..]what's the point?
Got married this last time, me, him and the - preacher, out of town too
[ In Reply To ..]My grown daughter asked why not in town, she was not invited. Told her she wasn't invited to my first wedding. This marriage is healthy, thriving and over 15 years now. You don't need everyone there to get married, stay married and have a wonderful marriage.
Re-read her post - SM
[ In Reply To ..]What I got out of it was . . She doesn't want the families there if they just have a justice of the peace because she said she would be ashamed she could not pull the bigger wedding off. JMHO.
Hey - me
[ In Reply To ..]Don't lose hope. I've been married twice & both were inexpensive but nice. You can have a wedding that's special, doesn't have to cost a lot. Been married almost 30 yrs this time. My dress was very nice, a "discontinued" item at the store, cost $13. My engagement ring came from a beach vacation place. Wedding rings were simple. I made the invitations. My new sis-in-law organized the food, family did all the cooking. A friend did the pictures (paid, but not a fortune). For our honeymoon, we simply drove out of town a few hours & went to a spectacular lake, completely free for the view. You can have a very special wedding & not spend much money at all. It doesn't have to LOOK like you didn't spend much. It's your special time. Tell the ex-wife to take a chill pill & back off for awhile with her problems. It's your turn to get attention.
Yes I do. - Been there, done that.
[ In Reply To ..]Is he a good man? Do you love him with all your heart? Does he love you with all his heart and do you both treat each other good? Then tear down the roadblocks.
I have a friend who was planning a big wedding but then 1 month before the wedding she lost her job. Was going to have to downsize but then 2 weeks before the wedding he lost his job, so now plans had to completely change.
So where she lived had a club house and all of her friends, we each made a dish. She coordinated it so no one brought the same thing. We all made enough of each dish to serve 30 people even though there was 60 of us there.
Her invitations were store bought like birthday invitations but for a wedding. They got married at a wedding chapel. She was dressed in a suit, blazer and skirt, he was dressed in a suit.
They took their stereo from their house along with their tapes at that time for dancing. Let me tell you that was the best wedding I have ever been to. We had a blast. Drinking, dancing.
Her wedding cake was just a sheet cake that she brought from the grocery store and my husband (who was not my husband at the time) was best man. He grabbed the cake and hit a patch of ice and fell flat on his back, but he saved the cake. All night long everyone was toasting him for not ruining the cake.
Its not the fact of a big wedding. If you really really want to have a wedding dress there are places you can buy a used one rather cheaply.
What is important is becoming his wife.
When my husband and I got married we had a big wedding and believe me if I had to do it all over again I would have done it the way my friends did it. Less stressful, much less money and so much more fun. I was miserable in the dress and it was hot as heck.
We all did the work, decorated the club house, the food was great and there was so much food it was unreal. We danced all night until our feet hurt and until some were too drunk to dance. And it cost them less than $500.00. Biggest expense was the wedding chapel.
What is important is that you want to spend the rest of your lives together. You don't need a huge wedding to do that.
To this day we still talk about Debbie and Rick's wedding.
I hope this helps. I will be happy to talk to you any time.
Why cook up all that drama??? - sm
[ In Reply To ..]Is marriage a Big Party, is it a way to show family that you're not the "black sheep," or is it a commitment between two people? I think you are confusing these things.
If you have been unable to get married for 5 years because of "money" and the need to battle the ex-wife, I think you need to re-examine the relationship. From your description, I don't think this guy is as choice a catch as you imagine. He sounds like a loser to me, because a genuine human being would put love and respect for YOU in front of petty superficial obstacles.
From your description, the reasons you want to get married are all wrong.
I think God *is* showing you signs, and the sign I see is telling you that marriage to this guy isn't a good thing.
If marriage was right for you two, for truly valid reasons, you would have done it already, and probably without fanfare.
Agreed 100% - step back and look at this picture
[ In Reply To ..]are you just wanting to get married for the sake of getting married? because it is something you have never done before?
I didn't even need to write my post, I read yours and it says sm - sincere advice
[ In Reply To ..]everything mine says. This is not a good match.
I agree. - Why the drama?
[ In Reply To ..]As long as you are together who cares? Weddings are expensive and totally unnecessary. I once went to a reception at the Rock N Roll McDonald's party room, that is all they could afford. Have a small family dinner, pizza party or a barbecue for everyone, if they care about you, they wouldn't care and just appreciate being invited. I would much prefer pizza or a barbecue and relaxed atmosphere without having to get dressed up. You don't even need alcohol, just soda and water. You can even have a CD player for music and dancing.
Receptions are a waste of money, there are better things to do with that money anyway.
Unclutter your mind - simpleton
[ In Reply To ..]You don't need a big wedding. If you love the guy and he loves you and you want to make it legal all you need is the judge at the courthouse. That's what I did 32 years ago, both of us dressed in jeans, and it is still legal and lasting. People need to stop thinking of ways to waste money. You're gonna need it for more important things than putting on a big show.
If this man hasn't moved heaven and earth to marry you sm - sincere advice
[ In Reply To ..]by the 3rd year you were together, he is not going to marry you.
If you have been contributing to this wedding fund and he keeps taking it to fight his ex-wife in court, he doesn't really want to be married, and if you are letting him, you don't really want to either. And this is the 2nd time the ex-wife and court interferes?
In this case, whatever you wish to believe, whether it's a "sign" or what, pay attention to it.
Don't marry him. If you're already struggling, marrying another struggling person is like tying an anchor to you. You can do bad all by yourself.
There is no law that says you have to spend - sm - XXX
[ In Reply To ..]a ton of money in order to get married. It would have taken you two seconds to go to the court house and be married there if you really wanted to get married. If you wanted a church wedding then do so, do some quickie ceremony with a minister in their church, give them $25 since you cannot afford much, then have a "reception" back at your apartment, tell every one it is potluck and BYOB, and to bring a dish, kick back with the radio/CD player and have a party/reception on the cheap. A wedding is about the celebration of two people getting married, not how splashy a party they can throw to commemorate the wedding, I think people have forgotten about that. Get some of those disposable cameras and have everyone take pictures. Pretty simple solution. Or if you are talking signs, and every time you try to marry something prevents you, then yeah, don't get married.
Real romance - Just the two of you
[ In Reply To ..]I have been a bridesmaid in big weddings, small weddings, wedding where I was one of 2 witnesses, in churches, courtrooms, outdoors, and when I my time came to marry I had a small family wedding to please my mother. If I could do it all over, I would elope! There is romance in just being 2 people going off by themselves because it is *just* about you, not anyone else. I had a friend whose father was a minister, and she said when she was a little girl sometimes couples would come to their house late at night to be married secretly, and she said it was so exciting to see the beginning of their lives together. In your place I would wear a pretty dress, have my guy get me a small bouquet, and splurge with a dinner out and then off into the future!
Thanks to all who replied - anony
[ In Reply To ..]I appreciate all the responses. I have a lot to think over. Have never gotten approval from my family so don't know why I care now. I did check and marriges are no longer performed at the court house here. Will see how much that route will cost.
thank you again. Just needed to hear it from somebody else.
Got married at the courthouse 31 years ago - cindy
[ In Reply To ..]Got married in the courthouse and spent the money on the honeymoon instead of wedding. It doesn't matter where you get married if you love each other. In this day and age spend your money on something else. You can get married for probably under 100.00 at the courthouse. If you keep waiting for the perfect time it will never come. Just like when waiting for the perfect time to have a child, it never comes. So just do it and that will be one less thing you have to worry about.
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