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A question heard on the radio RE: a child's gift request
Posted: Dec 9, 2011
The radio station I listen to has a weekly "therapy" session where someone writes in with a problem. It is all in fun, but sometimes thought provoking, such as this week's question: Parents asked Son (age not given) to write his gift requests on paper. He only wanted an XBox. Of course, the most expensive model. Parents told Son they could not afford that, so he returned a blank sheet of paper to them and said if they did not get him that, he wanted nothing. Father thinks they should grant his request and get nothing. Mother thinks this is a bad time to teach Son a lesson. What would you do? ;
I would not get it for him. - mt
[ In Reply To ..]The sad reality is if you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Unfortunately, it's a hard lesson for kids to learn.
When my kids asked for all that gaming stuff, I told them if they could save half the price, I would meet it. Sometimes they did spend their money on it, sometimes they didn't depending on how bad they wanted it.
That is a toughie - tiredofworking
[ In Reply To ..]Too bad we don't know the age. Kids these days think money grows on trees when so many parents are struggling to keep the light bill paid and the mortgage paid also. I think they should take the money they would have spent on him, give it to him, and take him somewhere to donate it to charity. Or go to a department store, buy gifts and then donate everything to Toys for Tots. I know my grandkids only want games for their game consoles and I really miss when they were younger and loved books and baby dolls. Maybe if they teach him a lesson this year he will have a more reasonable list next year. My 9-year-old grandson actually asked his divorced father for a 42-inch plasma screen for his bedroom for his games. To me that is pure insanity!
I like the ides of taking the reasonable amount you would have spent on him - and using it for charity.
[ In Reply To ..]Buy presents for a particular child or children in his name, though--pick out a letter at the post office, call a local charity to see if they have some families looking at no Xmas at all, something like that. Then give him the thank-you notes from the child or children who were thrilled to get a whole lot less than an Xbox and say how nice it was that he made that possible. :)
Depends entirely on his age. If over 10, no brainer. - NOTHING. He is calling their bluff. nm
[ In Reply To ..]x
I'd still get him gifts - Trampled underfoot
[ In Reply To ..]While giving him nothing might teach him a lesson, it would not only ruin his Christmas but would ruin the parent's Christmas too. And they would all remember it forever.
The parents might be surprised; he might be pleased with what they give him and not even mention the XBox.
I would give the kid the benefit of the doubt and hope that he was just shooting off his mouth.
i would take him to a - homeless shelter
[ In Reply To ..]to spend an entire day there. What he does there would be up to him - help out or not, talk to people or not, etc. Just being in that environment can make a person appreciate the material possessions in their life.
My 8 yo had never seen a homeless person until last week. A man was asking for money at a corner and I gave her a few dollars to give him. After we left she said "his face looks like he has been in a war." I explained wind burn to her. She burst out in a prayer asking for the man to get a job and a home.
She had been acting like a brat for the whole week prior to that. Since then, she has been an angel.
The majority of callers said charity of some sort. - Curious what you would do
[ In Reply To ..]You all hit upon points that most of the radio callers did. It ranged from do not get him anything since it was what he requested, to teaching him a lesson about compassion. My first thought was to give Son the planned amount, make him choose a name or 2 from a Giving Tree and buys for the recipient; buys multiple packs of socks and underwear for girls and boys his age and drops them off at a clothing bank. If still quite a bit left, he buys clothing to donate. Whatever is left is his.
One caller said to have all relatives who usually give Son gifts put in an equal, small percentage of the cost and give Son nothing else. (I do and don't like this). Another said to give him a piggy bank with $20 in it, with XBox written on the outside, and he earns the rest. Another (mean but funny) was to give him a game only and tell him if he had an attitude adjustment during the year, he would get the console next Christmas.
All I can say is, glad I only have a dog and cat to deal with. They are get so excited over anything edible.
When I was 10 - sm
[ In Reply To ..]My mom came to my sister and I right before Christmas and asked us to make a choice: All the gifts on our lists or a place to live. My sister was 15 at the time. Needless to say, there were no gifts, no trees, no decorations or X-mas dinner, but we had a roof over our head and each other.
If it was my son, I would explain that sometimes choices and compromises have to be made that he may not like, but that it can't be helped. I would also agree with taking him to a homeless shelter or something along those lines to see how it could be.
a true scenario for me - momof3
[ In Reply To ..]I have 3 kids, ages 9, 11, and 14. The 9 yo still believes. I'm not sure about the 11 yo and obviously my 14 yo doesn't.
I always ask my children to write their letters to Santa on Thanksgiving, so I can get the best deals on Black Friday. This year, all 3 of my kids want IPod touches. I had fully planned on getting them, as they've telling me for the last 6 months, but my oldest (smartypants that he is) only put down the IPod. When I asked him why he didn't ask "Santa" for anything else, he said because he wanted to be sure that's what he got. If Santa didn't have anything else to pick from, he'd have to give him the IPod.
I reminded him of the year before when all he wanted was XBox Live for his 360, but he also made some other outlandish requests (laptop, mini fridge, etc) and asked him if he was glad he included the other things. It turned out, I got him the XBox Live and a laptop and it's a good thing I did because the XBox Live wouldn't work in our area. We have satellite internet and there was too much lag time. Needless to say, I got a revised letter that night, but it clearly ranked his choices.
Bottom line -- kids are kids, no matter what age. They will always want more than we can give them. For me, I would try to make a wish come true for them if I could and if I couldn't, I'd feel so bad I would get them what I thought he'd like but still could afford, even if he didn't write it on a list.
I would buy him gifts, anyway. - I dont think that I would
[ In Reply To ..]find any satisfaction in giving him nothing for Christmas. He is, after all, a child. How would you feel if you got absolutely nothing for Christmas? I am all for teaching kids lessons, but what would that really teach him besides that his parents are spiteful people?
My kids did the same thing this year. - flamom
[ In Reply To ..]I think it really depends on the kid's age. If he's older, then I'd just give him the cash of what I could afford, he can figure out what he can get with that money for himself. It'll help teach him the value of a dollar. Plus teens like cash anyhow and would rather get that than some "lame" gift that they have to pretend to like.
If he's young, I'd get him some gifts that I know he'd enjoy. Little kids like getting some money too so perhaps a few bucks in the stocking.
I have 2 boys (I'll call them 13 & 7, as in their age). We do letters every year too. 13 plays along to keep the Santa spirit going for his brother.
In his letter, 13 stated he just wanted a laptop, nothing else. When I asked him how much he thought a laptop would be, he stated he didn't know, but he knows money is tight right now but that he really couldn't think of anything else he wanted, but then added that he'd be ok with whatever we get him. Secretly, we did manage to get a great deal on a laptop but that will end up being the only gift he gets due to the cost. We justified the cost because his PC recently died and he needs a PC for school and he likes to make videos and Skype with his aunt.
My other son (7) asked for an Xbox and nothing else. When we told him that Santa may not may bring him one because he already has a Wii and Playstation, he was quite disappointed. We had a conversation about why he wanted the Xbox and he came to the realization that he only wanted it because it was something he didn't have. He took back his letter and rewrote it, listing several items (much cheaper, thank goodness) and actually quite practical for a 7yo. While we (the parents) feel like utter heels because we spent $$$ on 13, we just couldn't justify spending even more $$$$ on another gaming system. So we've ended up getting 7 several gifts that we know he'll enjoy. Honestly, I think even if we could afford to get more gifts for 13, he wouldn't even notice them because he's really into doing his tech stuff now and would just play with the laptop anyhow. As for 7, he's completely forgotten about the Xbox already and is excited about his new list.
I think DH is having a harder time accepting the fact that 13 is only getting 1 gift. He grew up VERY poor and ignored (3rd child in an alcoholic household) and he tries to compensate with quantity now for his own kids. Personally, I would love my kids to do volunteer work at a shelter or something of the sort, just to learn some appreciation of what they have, and perhaps they'll stop trying to keep up with the Jones' at school. Unfortunately, where I live, they don't really welcome children volunteers. I just have to find other ways to teach them the value of being happy and appreciating what you have.
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