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Prayers as the new year begins
Posted: Dec 29, 2015
My husband and I have been married for 20 years. Good years and bad years as is normal for marriage. We are now getting ready to go through a trial separation because he is not happy anymore. I am devastated and need thoughts and prayers for sanity and strength. Thanks in advance.
;
Ouch! I can understand how that must hurt. My marriage - sm
[ In Reply To ..]has had its share of ups and downs, too. We are approaching 27 years now and seem to be at a good place, but I've lived long enough to know that could change tomorrow. I'm hoping that this trial separation will end well for you.
OP - sm
[ In Reply To ..]I need some advice because I cannot stop crying. Please help me. Someone. Since I work from home I have no one to talk to.
Do you know why he is unhappy? - anonie
[ In Reply To ..]Does he tell you why he is not happy? Men go through midlife crisis as well as male menopause which surprised me.
I would have him have a good physical exam. You might also suggest he seek a doctor's advice as to whether he might be suffering from depression.
I sincerely wish you luck and hope things work out for you. I know you have to hurt. I still am hurting in my own way from my divorce from my ex, though, most has to do with our son and my relationship with him which my ex sabotaged years ago.
I know this time of year is not good for depression.
I hope he will open up to you and see if you can work it all out.
Marriage - Rusty
[ In Reply To ..]We too were having struggles in our marriage after 26 years, mostly due to stress of children, bills, etc. Then he got transferred halfway across the country, and we agreed we would stay here as we still had a teenager in school. That was great for me, and apparently great for him when he had something or someone else to be with. He came home asked for a separation, and I said no separation, gives you permission to cheat, lets divorce. He went back and thought it over and fought for me. We all ended up moving in with him, and that was a huge mistake. Nothing changed. Then he got sick, major sick. We moved back home for family/friend support, and to save money. Now he has major health issues, and I am still here. No respect. Little money working here, and I am miserable. But he would not be able to function without me. I do EVERYTHING. So think things through before you do it. Every decision and action has a consequence. I pray you make the right decisions. And of course, if you still love him, fight for him. Good luck.
OP - sm
[ In Reply To ..]I knew about midlife crisis but didn't know about male menopause either. I don't think he understands either because when I asked him why he was unhappy he said "I don't know." We have retired military insurance and it is difficult for him to get an exam unless he's sick. But I will talk to him about these things because I didn't think to do that. Thanks for the advice. I honestly appreciate it.
So sorry to hear about this - sm
[ In Reply To ..]I'm not one to give advice -- I've been divorced for 35 years and never remarried -- but you have my thoughts and prayers for sanity and strength.
I find it interesting that so many people (including myself at times, sadly) think "happiness" exists somewhere else instead of where they already are. The pursuit of happiness for its own sake just doesn't seem sustainable. Happiness is SO fleeting. So...say your husband finds "happiness" somewhere else...how long will it last before he's restless again? Sometimes happiness isn't even one of the ingredients in a meaningful life; maybe peace and defining what has lasting value are better goals.
Just waxing philosophical here. Is counseling out of the question?
Wow. - TY
[ In Reply To ..]I don't know who you are, but I wanted to say TY for these words. ALL of them. Not an opinion or train of thought I had ever considered - for myself. I am so sad most of the time b/c I cant seem to find happiness or quiet my heart in any way.
Your words are eye opening.
Ahhhh, you flatter me - :)
[ In Reply To ..]Heck... I don't know nothin'. But if I were you, I think I would ask my husband to define the happiness he's seeking and thinks he's entitled to. A life free of difficulties, partying with the Pepsi Generation and going out with women who have no baggage? No such thing. Hollywood created this image, and it's an illusion. Life isn't easy, but there are endless opportunities to grow in character. The satisfaction of having made a difference in this crazy world, as well as having honored your commitments in life, including marriage vows -- no matter how challenging -- add up to the ever-elusive "happiness."
Having said this, someone at my office told me to quit my griping last week because she was sick of hearing it. Yeah, I'm SO wise. Oh well. :)
Was wondering how you are doing? - Rusty
[ In Reply To ..]I re-read your posts and I was curious how you were hanging in there? Just wondering about you, and thought I would drop you a line. Prayers.
Things still bad - OP
[ In Reply To ..]My husband walked out on me last night. I've been crying and crying and crying. He says it is because we never talk, but he does not want to go to therapy. I don't know what to do anymore. Thanks for everybody thinking and praying for me.
I am so sorry - Rusty
[ In Reply To ..]I am so sorry for your pain. I wish there was something I could do to ease it, but alas, all I have to offer right now are prayers. I pray you find comfort, I pray you find peace, and I pray you find answers. You are going through the phases. Grief, then comes worry, and then comes anger. I pray you find what you need in God's loving guidance. Again, I am sorry for your loss, but know there are people who care and are praying for you. If you want to, you can send me a PM and we exchange phone numbers. I would be happy to listen to you vent or whatever you need to do, just email. Prayers and blessings to you.
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