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cleaning out under the kid's bed

Posted: Jan 19, 2011

I just want to s-c-r-e-a-m!!! I'm screaming here so I don't here at home.

My little girl has way too much stuff. It starts in the summer when she has her birthday and keep building until Christmas when her room is about to explode. Her toy box is overflowing. Her hutch/drawers for art work is so full the drawers won't close. She can't walk inside her walk-in closet unless she walks on top of 6 inches of stuff. So much of it is stuff she won't/can't throw away. Cardboard from opened Christmas presents or instruction papers to toys she no longer has or school papers or broken toys or scattered parts of sets of toys. She doesn't want to organize anything and she has collections of the tiniest little things that hurt to step on.

This year I thought I would get smart and pre-clean her room with her before Christmas. It really did help. The closest floor was clean. Nothing was under the bed. The toy box was full, but there were some empty bins in a shelving unit to hold new things. BUT,

She has been home a lot since Christmas because of the weather and holidays. Last week, I hit my limit and she cleaned her room. A few nights ago, I did laundry and only found 5 socks out of a set of 12 to create 2-1/2 pairs that matched. So I looked under the bed. I didn't get mad. I just scooped it all out and gave her 2 bags to fill up with things that could be thrown away. She did it. Christmas candy, cardboard, etc. I was very happy. The next night I asked her to find a place for everything else that was under the bed to "live." A couple of hours later, she proudly showed me her room. Tonight as I tucked her into sleep, my toes stepped on Frosty the Snowman who was under the bed. He started singing. All that stuff had been shoved back under the bed. I dug everything back out and loaded up 2 kitchen bags of toys and trash.

I'm taking suggestions on what to do. Give it all back, but we have to sort through everything together to finds homes (either with her or a charity thrift store) OR she can't have any of it back. There are some great toys in the bags.

Any suggestions? Thanks for letting me vent.

;

Among other things, she has too many toys. - n/msg

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.

yep, that's what I said... - AARPMom

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looking for suggestions, problem solving, helpful advice, some of those among other things thoughts...

BTW, I am hesitate to get rid of many of the small items. She learned to sort tiny objects in play therapy. It soothes her and relaxes her when she is stressed. Unfortunately, she doesn't extend those wonderful sorting skills of hers to her room yet. She is 7.

Also BTW, she only got half the amount of presents this Christmas compared to last year with my realization I was contributing to the issue.

This is the perfect opportunity to teach her to live a simple life. - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
So many of us have too much stuff. As a nation, we have so much stuff that one of the fastest growing businesses is storage, because now, we need storage units to put all our stuff. Don't let her get that way. Having too much stuff is like having a huge weight on your shoulders all of your life. If you find it hard to get rid of her things, then picture your sweet little girl with an anchor around her neck for the rest of her life. That's what it will be like for her. My mom borders on being a hoarder, so I know how this can go on and on and on. Stuff creates disorganization, disorganization creates stress.

She is only 7, so you MUST take the lead. Simply clear out the room of everything. If you don't want to get rid of the toys all at once, store them in a place well out of sight. You can decide, and YOU must decide, how much she should be allowed to keep in her room. I suggest you tell that she can have only what will fit uncluttered into her room. NOTHING on the floor, NOTHING under the bed, NOTHING in piles. If she has just 4 feet of shelving, then she can only keep what will fit on that 4 feet of shelving. You get the idea. But the important thing is to clear the entire room before anything goes back in. It's much, much harder to decide what to keep when there is still so much in the room. It's visually cluttered and confusing, and that makes the mind cluttered and confused. It's much easier to look at an empty space and decide what to put into it, then look at a full space and decide what to take out of it.

Once that's been done, donate as much as you can. Discard anything broken. Recycle the paper!

Then make a very large poster with your daughter that lists the rules for keeping her room clean and organized. Let her help and decorate the poster. Nothing goes on the floor, or it will be taken away. Everything needs to be put away before bedtime, etc. You can add other rules about cleaning, perhaps or making the bed. She is 7, so she'll need lots of reminders and help. But the work will pay off. She'll learn a valuable life skill in that she will learn how to clear the decks, evaluate situations, organize her space and her mind. It's a long process, but it will pay off in other areas, like organizing and completing her school work in years to come. And a MAJOR life skill will be that she'll be able to evaluate what she really needs in life and won't become a collector or hoarder and have to deal with clutter all of her life.

This is an excellent post s/m - MIMT

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This is what I did with my older children (now 21 and 19) and have raised my two younger ones from the beginning this way. My 10yo DS has done excellent with this and he loves to have his stuff orderly and in its place. My 19yo DD is this way as well. My 21yo DS, really couldn't care, not a hoarder, but not organized either, but he no longer lives at home.

My 9yo, he needs help because he tends to hoard. If there is an empty box, he will take it because he "needs" it. He has problems throwing broken toys away, etc. We are a busy family, but I make every effort to make 9yo DS clean his room every Sat morning with help from me, throwing away useless papers from school, boxes, etc. It makes it so much easier to do it weekly. I have to watch him in the summer as well, as boys being boys, he collects rocks, bugs, flowers/plants, sticks, anything! Trying to break him of this, but so far no luck.

already do much of this, it is the - AARPMom

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staying on top of it that I am not good at. She follows her other charts really well (for behavior at home and school) and can even work for long-term rewards such as rewards for 9-week report cards.

I have neglected investing as much time into her room for several reasons, but if I don't want to go nuts I am going to have to get more involved with how she keeps her room. Part of me wants a kid who is tidy - which she isn't at home, but can be outside the home - and part of me is just tired from working 3 jobs and being a single mom who volunteers at school too. I don't have the energy I used to have since menopause, either.

I live a pretty uncluttered life. On the other hand, her g-father showers her with an obscene amount of gifts on any and every occasion he can justify. I started telling that family no more stuffed animals about 3 years ago and it's now down to about 3 new ones a year. We already gave a box and a bag full of stuffed animals to a niece who had a baby. I guess we need to sort and dontate again. The school is collecting books and stuffed animals for their winter carnival, so I can give them some. Many things, though, are kept for hoarding reasons. She says, my pappaw gave them that for this reason...anyway, she pulls out that emotional attachment card and I am not as strong as I could be.

She already has opportunities to be organized (other than one large toy box) with bins, shelving and the hutch. She choses to be messy and not keep like items or toys sorted and organized. Well, I am going to have to accept the situation for what it is and invest more time and energy to it. I really hoped she would learn to be responsible for her things...I know kids her age who are responsible for contributing to the family w/o as much parental involvement...but I need to accept that is not how our family is made.

If she can work at long-term rewards s/m - MIMT

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then she can also do this for her room. You just haven't found the right incentive yet. We have tried keep your room clean all week and get $5. My 9yo DS is very money oriented so that he can add to his ever growing set of Bakugans. Now we are doing keep your room clean for two weeks and mom will take you and a friend roller skating on a Saturday afternoon.

I have also given each of my sons a tub to keep their keepsakes in. This goes in their closet. This is for the old stuff that they have outgrown, but aren't ready to let go yet. Once this gets full, they have to purge. They also have a locked chest thing (they were handmade by a friend, not sure what to call them). In this they keep their most prized possessions that they don't want anyone to touch.

I know being a single parent is hard, I did it with my two older ones. Good luck!

Thank you... I so needed that, too - wimt

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It's funny because I'm also straightening my daughter's room today as she is having a friend over for a sleep over...something we rarely do. She has way, way, way too much stuff. Of course, that's been the story of my life, my husband's life, etc., for our entire 26 year marriage. With our two older kids (26 and 23) their rooms were always cluttered. I vowed to do things differently with the 10-year-old, but she has so much stuff in that room it's unreal. My mother is a hoarder... I mean, enough that she could very be on the TV show and fit right in. I've always vowed not to get that way, but I fight it all the time...that reluctance to get rid of things. My house is nothing like hers, but we definitely have too much stuff, and you're right, I really don't want to pass this along to my daughter. I'm going up to fill up at least one bag with stuffed animals as that pile is about 5 feet tall...no kidding.

clutter - momma

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WHAT A GREAT POST! THANKS THAT HAS HELPED ME A GREAT DEAL!!! I WILL PASS THIS INFORMATION ON TO FRIENDS, FAMILY AND SELF. WE ALL NEED REMINDERS FROM TIME TO TIME!!

feeling better - AARPMom

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I was able to get into her room today while she was at school and put some things on top of the shelves in her closet and then vaccum the floors, make the bed, wash her clothes. I'll let her have some of her things back that I put up high, but only in trade for letting go of something else. She did agree to cull out her stuffd animals and only keep those that will fit in the basket that holds them.

Thanks for the ideas and support :)

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