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Tutoring depresses the heck out of me

Posted: Jan 30, 2014

Tonight is my last time tutoring for this tutoring center. Another one of the teachers is quitting (so it brings the total quitting to 3, including me). She wanted me to tutor next week, but I said no, "you can email me if you need help or are desperate later." Why do I leave the door open? Well, that is the nice thing to do.

But it's like the whole day is ruined, useless, because I have to go tutor in the evening, it casts a pall over the entire day. Emotionally. It's like, when I'm there, I'm there, emotionally I'm present and paying attention, responding to the individual children.

In my brain, I realize that a certain kind of poem of mine is getting accepted. And I've got 16 more of them to get published - you send them out in batches of 4 or 5, so I've got 4 batches to put together to send out. And I really have to think about cover letters, bios, all this self-presentation kind of stuff.

And then I go tutor, I slip into my non-person skin, and I give. I'm already emotionally depleted. I feel I SHOULD enjoy tutoring, but it takes so much out of me emotionally. I think maybe writers shouldn't teach. Sacrilege I know. We should LUV to be in a room full of people, pouring ourselves into them, what an ego boost! Er, maybe not so much.

Aaargh.

;

TutorWell - JobSmog

[ In Reply To ..]
Writing and tutoring are kind a related. You write to tell a story and you teach to help them understand what is written. So it's only natural that your creative efforts on the writing end are bottle necked by your having to tutor. That is why many writers live like paupers so they can do what they love best.

thank you for your sympathetic words! - wheres_my_job

[ In Reply To ..]
I tutor in about half an hour. I made a deal with myself to roast a bulb of garlic (the whole thing, not the individual cloves) when I get back. To celebrate revising another chapter of my novel this month, as well as spring (I love when garlic and onions start sprouting in the springtime).

I'll stop now. Thanks again for the insight!

- *

[ In Reply To ..]

We have a jumper! - wheres_my_job

[ In Reply To ..]
Jump, jump, jump to conclusions!

MT friend, I don't "despise" working with children. I find TUTORING deeply DEPRESSING. The other person who commented here spelled it out rather nicely, the source of my depression.

Your lack of sympathy strikes me as a bit of jealousy on your part. You too can find a creative outlet, yes you can! Then no need to take the time to be negative online - you could be making a positive contribution to your own life and that of others instead. Give it a try! You can do it!

[Insert smiley face here]/end

you are really - um whats the word

[ In Reply To ..]
not making a connection in making the leap to thinking I am jealous and need a creative outlet.

Negative people usually need a creative outlet - wheres_my_job

[ In Reply To ..]
that's why they're online, putting their energy into knocking other people.

Give it a try, you can create. Negativity isn't the only possibility.

Good luck!

that sounds like more of an "I" statement - not about me

[ In Reply To ..]
you said "negative people usually need a creative outlet" and you are the one who talks about submitting your writing hoping to be published. It sounds like you thought trying to teach others would work for you, but you slip into your "non-person skin" because it is too emotionally draining. I'm just very puzzled at how you are projecting your unhappiness onto me. I lead a very busy, productive and fulfilling life - serving others, actually, because that suits me best. If serving others is not fulfilling to you and you find it depressing, you will continue to be frustrated every time you accept a job trying to do something related to a "Puritan value."

The other poster was correct in pointing out that self-absorption does not mix well with a job with outward focus.

LOL - to see ourselves as others see us - wheres_my_job

[ In Reply To ..]
Nobody who lives a "busy, productive and fulfilling life" cuts other people down online the way you are - and then "serving others" "suits you best" - as opposed to those "self-absorbed" creative types. LOL again.

The end goal of creating something is NOT "self-expression," it's creating something for OTHER PEOPLE to enjoy/respond to. So creativity ALSO has an "outward focus." I am an excellent teacher. It's a question of the one competing with the other. Many very creative people are excellent teachers as well.

You convince me even more of your harsh Puritan outlook the more you write. Do you knit? Make stained glass lamps? Sing? Whatever it is you do, IF you do something creative - try doing more of it. Find some joy in life, and you won't have to cut other peopled down online.

She wasn't cutting you down - I don't get you - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
I'm trying hard to understand what it is about you. What makes you happy, what do you like to do. Why are you doing something you are unhappy about. I think every post (maybe not every one, but every one that I've read) you vent and people respond and then it becomes a big drama queen post. I've agreed with some of your posts where you reply to people, but when you are writing a post about you and what you don't like (which I think right now seems to be everything LOL) when people reply and give suggestions you just get really nasty with them and insult them.

You seem to be unhappy all the time and then you turn it around on posters as though it is they who are not happy. It's almost like stirring up trouble where there was no trouble. OMG, Mom is that you? LOL

How bout this. You like writing, think I remember you were taking an art class not too long ago (I think that was you but I might be wrong), why aren't you focusing your time on the arts. My DH is kind of the same thing. He loves to write, paint, think of story ideas. He's a very creative person and one of the most fun people to be around. Every day is a new adventure with him. He will never be happy doing mundane things (like I have to do). He doesn't see in 2 dimensions, he sees in about 167 dimensions. :-) I see black and white, he sees a rainbow of colors.

I would just say to you stop doing what it is you don't like doing. Do anything and everything you can to get your artistic talent out there.

BTW, your last paragraph baffles me. She wasn't cutting you down, but you are cutting everyone else down. That's what I don't get about you.

Whatever you do I do wish you the best and hope you truly find something you enjoy doing.

Not getting it, either - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
This helped me with a lot of things like this, though. Link below.

You might not be cut out to teach - No crime there

[ In Reply To ..]
Teaching isn't about you -- it's about them. It is other-focused. If it isn't something you feel called to do, it can be draining.

Definitely, if you can't keep your mind on it, you should not be doing it.

Thanks for pointing out the obvious - wheres_my_job

[ In Reply To ..]
People are so angry when someone steps out of their assigned box - being "good," "dutiful," all those nice Puritan values.

It's educational just posting on MTStars - I sometimes forgot the depth of resentment people feel, towards someone trying to be more in life than what society approves of.

No one is resentful, just offering advice. - Do something you like

[ In Reply To ..]
Other-focused jobs and self-absorption don't mix.

LOL - see post above - wheres_my_job

[ In Reply To ..]
nm

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