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Oh my gosh I can't believe myself...

Posted: Dec 14, 2010

I have been on facebook and I am friends with a guy I knew in high school. Well he started chatting and flirting and at first I gave him the cold shoulder, but then I guess he broke me down, and I started just talking, not flirting. The talks keep getting more and more intense and have led to talking about sex. I actually flirted around too tonight. Tonight he asked me to send him nude pics. I would NEVER do that. I told him don't hold his breath. Then I reminded him he is married to a beutiful wife and I am married as well. He said he likes to have fun though. He works offshore and is offshore right now. He went so far as to tell me he loves me tonight. I said what? You can't love me. I know he doesn't love me, just infatuated. I think I'm gettin in too deep. I am gonna have to stay off facebook for a while or something. Has anyone ever had this internet chat flirting and sex talks before? What did you do? How did you handle it? It's just crazy. I never saw myself getting into this.

;

LOL - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
Well, he sounds like a real pig! I would just tell him that you are married and do not wish to talk to him anymore. If you don't and you are married, you could get yourself in trouble. Just don't talk anymore. There was nothing wrong with talking, the how are you, what are you up to now, talking about spouse, kids, etc., but when he started flirting, you should have put a stop to it right away. Regardless, I would put a stop to it now unless you want trouble down the road in your marriage.

You are getting in way too deep. If you don't - see message

[ In Reply To ..]
want trouble down the road, block him from your Facebook and emails. Walk away now before your family finds out. Things like this can get out of hand very quickly.

he probably does this all the time with any female who is willing. - its his game; don't play n/m

[ In Reply To ..]
nm

I second that opinion - Uh oh

[ In Reply To ..]
BLOCK HIM, BLOCK HIM, BLOCK HIM.

From your FB, from your mind, and from your heart. No judgment here at all, OP, but once you allowed him to traverse that line between casual chat and sex talk, by many that would be called "cheating" right there even though no actual physical contact has taken place.

Put yourself in your hubby's situation. How would YOU feel if you read messages between he and an ex that are of the nature you've been engaging in?

BLOCK HIM, for the sake of your marriage.

Been there and done that. You think it's all just good clean fun - SM

[ In Reply To ..]
because you're not actually physically cheating. It doesn't seem real when it's words on a screen, but it is.

I carried on an "online" relationship like this for three years -- YES three years. It was with a guy I had dated in high school. He had always been more into me than I was into him. My marriage was going sour and me and the guy "reconnected" on classmates.com. I lived 600 miles away from him and so I thought we would just be email friends. I even told my husband that I had reconnected with an old friend from high school.

It quickly turned into cyber sex and then we graduated to talking on the phone. We both got webcams. And you can imagine where it went from there.

Then one day the guy tells me I think I'm going to drive down there this weekend to see you. All of a sudden I was like WHOA WHOA WHOA. I have two kids, a house, a dog. The reality of it all hit me like a ton of bricks! I was playing a game, stroking my ego by flirting with a guy who had always wanted me because I was unhappy in my marriage and now all that innocent flirting and cyber fun was about to show up on my front door step in the flesh in front of my kids and my husband. As unhappy as I was in my marriage, I still wasn't sure I wanted to just end it just like that.

So I pulled the plug figurative and literally. I felt horrible for the guy because I had led him on and I was a grown woman who knew better than that. I wasn't some silly teenager anymore. I also felt horrible because I had a family and no matter how unhappy I was with my husband, how could I let me kids know that I had behaved badly on the internet all the while watching them like hawks.

So as you can see. It isn't really innocent. It messes with your mind and the guys mind. In the end my marriage ended for a lot of reasons, but I will end my story by saying my husband did find out that my innocent reconnect with an old friend was more than that and in the middle of an argument one night, he pulled out a stack of papers which were emails between me and the guy that were of an erotic nature. I didn't even know my husband was computer savvy enough to pull something off like hack into my email.

It was humiliating to say the least. I didn't deny it or rationalize it. I apologized and said no matter how unhappy I was in the marriage, it was no excuse to do what I did. We tried to work on our marriage for a little while after that, but the internet infidelity always came up in fights. My husband never forgave me and he always believed that the guy and I had actually, physically hooked up.

So there's my story. Nip it in the bud!

Wow - that was very, VERY well-stated. - Thanks for sharing your story! nm

[ In Reply To ..]
XX

Are you sure he hacked them or did the ex forward them? - Uh oh

[ In Reply To ..]
I was once duped for 8 months by a married guy who claimed to be a single father. We had literally thousands of emails during those nights when he just couldn't come over because his kid was sick (yeah, right...true reason was his wife was home, but I didn't know it at the time).

I ended the relationship as soon as I found out he was married (red flags had been there but he was a pro at explaining them away in a perfectly rationale manner). He stalked me around for awhile, even sabotaged my vehicle and showed up at about midnight at the hospital where I was working pounding on the door (he knew I was working alone at nights). The guy I was dating at the time insisted on calling my ex's wife to let her know what her husband was up to, not only for fear of what he might to do to me if he ever managed to catch me alone but just that it was the morally "right" thing to do.

He called and alerted the wife, who said she'd suspected for some time he'd been having an affair. Long story short, I talked with her, explained my side of the situation and apologized for my unknowing participation, and she asked that I forward her all of the emails for use in her divorce action against him. I obliged her, although I warned her they were unedited and extremely graphic in some cases. She understood.

All things worked out for the best. She remarried about 18 months later and has a stable home life for she and her 2 children (1 of which was with the philanderer). I ended up marrying the guy I was dating who blew the whistle on the philanderer and we're doing the "happily ever after" thing.

And the philanderer? Oh, he's living all by himself in a studio apartment a few blocks from here and, the last time he tried to contact me on FB, I immediately blocked him without so much as a blink of my mascared eye.

Karma bit him right in the...Yeah.

So, that's why I wonder if your husband hacked into your emails or if the guy who felt scorned forwarded them to your husband when he was rebuffed.

I suppose that could be one explanation on how my - SM

[ In Reply To ..]
ex-husband got the emails. And the other guy was always pretty adept at tracking me down before I got married through the years since high school. He show up out of nowhere right when I had broken up with my boyfriend or was in between boyfriends. Hmmmmmm...

Now you're making me paranoid! LOL

It doesn't matter anyway how my ex-husband got the emails. He got them and it taught me a very valuable lesson.

LOL - Time to "unfriend" him. (nm) - Doppelganger

[ In Reply To ..]
;)

My opinion - I don't think you'll like it though - Mom

[ In Reply To ..]
This is what I'd tell my daughter if she told me your story.

1. If you are married you have no business flirting with an old "guy" friend.

2. Do you not respect your husband enough that you feel you can flirt behind his back.

3. Have your told your husband about your old flame/friend or are you keeping it a secret from him, and why?

4. Why did you join facebook? To meet old flames. After all if you want to connect with old girlfriends there is email and the telephone/mail via the US post office.

And lastly I'd tell my daughter..facebook can be a very dangerous site. It's not limited to just your friends. Anyone can find you and that may not always be a good thing. Talk to your husband and tell him what you are doing. If your marriage is good then you should not hesitate to tell him you met up with an old flame/friend of yours and you are flirting with each other. If you don't want to give up your old flames can your husband live with that. How would you feel if he told you he connected with his old flames/girlfriends. My daughter is the jealous type and I know she wouldn't like it one bit.

Ya know, I don't think she needs a lecture from someone else's mother. - SM

[ In Reply To ..]
The tone of her post suggests she already has some guilty feelings about it. She's just asking for advice, not a sermon.

I don't get why people have to be so judgmental. Let he/she who is without sin, cast the first stone!

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