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Mom's estate is getting closer to dividing up the household contents ... sm

Posted: Aug 29, 2010

I am so dreading it. There are 4 of us siblings. I'm executor. Everyone is okay with having an auction, but first they want go to through everything. I just know after that, there won't be anything left to auction and I'll be stuck finding new homes for the rest. What I'd like to do is set a limit to everyone being allowed to have a random number of items, perhaps 10, that they would like to have. The rest if they want it bad enough could be bought at auction.

One sibling is a pack rat and wants anything antique. Another sibling and myself only wants 1 or 2 items as a remembrance. I'm not sure of what the 4th sibling wants, the 2 items he said so far just in passing were just sentimental to him.

We did have a family meeting in the house so that they could do a walk-through because they did not really know what was in the house, upstairs, etc. I had told everyone we are not taking anything out of the house, it had to be appraised yet (2 wks ago). My sister had the audacity to actually walk out the door with a pickle jar!! Then the next week, she called and wanted some potting soil that was at mom's. I told her again no, the appraisal is not done and we are not taking anything out of the house.

I'm not sure how this dividing contents work. If one sibling takes away more items with higher value than another sibling that only wants one item, is that reported to the court and then is reflected when the funds are dispensed? I have a meeting with the attorney late next week, but this question is weighing heavily on my mind this weekend.

I'm trying my best to keep everything civil but it's difficult knowing two personalities are to take any and everything they can get while they can and if they can't, sneak it out. I do know when we divide things up, the pickle jar will be in her column. :)

;

When we divided up our mom's estate, we didn't worry about value - Happy MT Robin

[ In Reply To ..]
We didn't have to go through probate either because of the way Mom had everything set up, so maybe that will make a difference.

There are five of us and Mom had always said that we would start with the oldest and he would pick one thing, then next in line picks, etc. After the first round, then the second oldest picks first, etc.

We didn't exactly work it that way; instead it just really turned into, "hey, does anyone want the kitchen table, cause I'd really like it." Mom had loose change tucked away eveywhere and we divided that up evenly. Anything that was monetary or actual coin got divided up. With the rest of the stuff in the house, we called an estate sale company to come in and handle the rest. The three of us who lived in town actually took that opportunity to bring stuff over from our own houses and put it in the estate sale. The proceeds were divided up evenly among all five of us and anything that didn't get sold got donated to a charity.

We didn't worry about the monetary value of the things that were taken from the house. My oldest sister got the big dining room table, but she brought hers over from home to put in the kitchen instead. She also got the china cabinet because Mom had given her the china from our grandmother several years prior to that. Patty is the only one who really entertains and would really use it, so it was a good match. I got the buffet that sort of went along with it because I spoke up and I now use it in my bedroom for blankets.

Sorry for rambling. I think what I'm trying to say is unless there's a legal reason against it, let her have the potting soil. It's not going to add a huge amount to the appraisal value and it will prevent headaches and hard feelings. Pick your battles, but I certainly wouldn't restrict anyone to a specific number of things, again, not unless there's a legal reason to. Good luck. This is a really hard time for a lot of families and it can either be done with a spirit of cameraderie or it can tear you apart.

When I step back, it is rather silly about the soil :) - Anne

[ In Reply To ..]
The whole thing with me, if you let one person have one thing, another will want something else, or the first will want more. I just didn\'t want to start that. My original intent was the rotation just the way you explained it when we did actually get around to dividing. It just seems to have gotten lost in the conversations with siblings since.

I don\'t want bad feelings, there are enough other issues as it is. You\'re right, forget about the value.

The estate is in probate.

What I did - travelinMT

[ In Reply To ..]
I was the executor of my mom's estate. She had a living trust which laid out specifically what everyone got (money wise). The rest I let her grandson's go through and take what they wanted. I never tried to tally up what was worth more, it was the things they wanted to remember her by. The rest I sold or gave to charity.

Like others have said choose your battles, it's not worth dividing your family over material things.

moms estate - beth

[ In Reply To ..]
To make everything fair. If anyone wants anything make them get it at auction and then in the end all you have to do is divy up money. Would save some headaches. Especially when families cannot agree upon something. Or once everything is appraised and certain people want this or that, let them have it but just add of their apprasial amount and deduct that from total profit when you divide money!!

When my grandfather died, my mother and her 2 - see message

[ In Reply To ..]
sisters had everythign appraised and then kept trakc of the value of what each person and (us) their children took. Then they were added up and the one with things of "more value" balanced out the other 2 cash wise. That way, everything was fair. The one with the more appraised value items essentially "paid" the other 2 for taking the items. Fortunately, they all 3 get along well and there was no problem. The rest they put up for action and split 3 ways.

This is what a friend of mine did when his mom died - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
He had 3 siblings and what they did was if it wasn't specifically spelled out in the will they put everything of value on a piece of paper, furniture, appliances, jewelry, etc, put it in a bucket and each drew out of the bucket. They then bartered back and forth, I have the recliner, don't need it, is anyone willing to trade something that I might want for it, etc. It worked out very well, everyone got things they needed/wanted and the rest was given away to charity. Maybe not the best solution but it worked for them.

Some things have no $ value but are priceless. - Wish I could do over.

[ In Reply To ..]
All I wanted were my Dad's books, and I couldn't even get that. They were sold. The money meant nothing to me.

Why not have everyone write on a piece of paper what it is they would like to have. If there are no conflicts, no problem. Then sell the rest and divide the money.

I was not even given the chance to buy what I wanted, and I bet someone paid $25 for what meant the world to me.

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