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Requesting prayers for my DIL (sm)

Posted: Aug 6, 2015

She just turned 50. She is the mother of my only grandchild who is 8. She has scleroderma and is having just a terrible time with it. She has been tried on different chemo agents, but always has side effects and gets taken off. This last, she has an infection on her toe, and my granddaughter questions her about when does she think she is going to die. This just breaks my heart. She answers the questions as best she can, telling her none of us know, we just do the best we can while we are here. This makes me just so sad. Please pray for her, my precious granddaughter and my son, that she will be around for a long, long time for them. Thanks

;

So sorry - me

[ In Reply To ..]
We went through a hard time several years ago in our family. My husband was sick a lot & I had to train our son on what to do, how to recognize problems, how to call me at work when he was about 2 years old. He learned very well. I always believed that telling him everything he needed to know would reduce the fear he could easily feel every time he found his dad passed out. With the knowledge, he could handle it. He was brilliant. The flip side of that coin was that he also couldn't help but know that his dad could die. It terrified him & he had very bad dreams about it. He was fine during times of trouble & I was free to leave work any time he called, but when things were calm, he'd fall apart. My son is older now. Unfortunately, his dad could still die any day. Sometimes, treatments help & sometimes they don't. It's not good, not fair, not fun, definitely not easy, but you can make sure your granddaughter knows she's loved & will always have people to care for her. If things go bad for your dau-in-law, it'll be tough, but stay close to them. My mom died when I was almost 5. It was very hard. There was no extra family & my dad had no idea what he was doing or what he should do for young kids. Nobody talked about anything that happened. Your granddaughter has the chance to learn, to be close to multiple people, to know she won't be alone in this. It's great that she's free to ask questions. It's sad that she's asking about death. If she's very focused on that, then perhaps she needs information that no one is aware of yet, that she doesn't know how to ask correctly. Sending out the same question all the time means she's not getting the right answer... which means she's not asking the right question to take care of whatever the particular fear or need is. Could she go along on one of these chemo doc visits & see what happens, ask questions of staff?

Thank you. I'm sorry you lost (sm) - OP

[ In Reply To ..]
your mom at such an early age. It must have been so difficult. Things were different back then and people didn't really ask for help much. Kids learned usually at a young age not to ask questions that they knew would upset the adults. I bet you have raised your son to be a strong man. I know my granddaughter goes to a lot of her mom's appts, but I'm really not sure about if she goes in with her. I never thought to ask, but that's a very good point. Thanks for bringing it up, and thank you for your prayers. I will pray for your family as well.

Hope things will be ok - me

[ In Reply To ..]
It is tough to lose a parent early. There are things I never got to do with my mom, conversations that never happened, etc. The hardest thing though (with 20/20 hindsight) is that I didn't get those things with anyone else either. It's not that no one could fill her shoes... nobody tried. I had a stepmother, but there were things she didn't know also, not having a child of her own. We get along great, but that was something that worked out after I grew up. I think what I want most for your family is this... if anything happens to your daughter-in-law (& I truly hope she gets well), your granddaughter will do better if her mom is openly remembered, talked about, cried over, if someone will do the mom/daughter things with her as she grows up, at least tries to fill the void that may never truly fill up. I'm fine, but it's been an incredibly long trip to find a normal life. My siblings & I would've done so much better if our mom hadn't been so obviously erased from our lives when she died. It might be the way things were done "back then", but it was the wrong way. If your granddaughter asks a question, she's ready on some level to hear an answer, the truth, whatever amount of truth she can handle at whatever age, but she'll have already considered the options when she asks it. It sounds like you guys are a good family. She's having a tough time knowing that her mom is in trouble. Keep her talking. It'll help. :)

Prayers for your DIL - GJ

[ In Reply To ..]
I will be praying for her, and for you, too.

Thanks. I really do appreciate it. - OP

[ In Reply To ..]
nm

prayers for DIL - sbmt

[ In Reply To ..]
I am praying for your family right now

Thank you. - OP

[ In Reply To ..]
nm

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