one-sided relationships

Posted: Oct 30, 2011

My sister does not return my texts often times, does not initiate texting, acknowledge cards, gifts nor do her kids. Here is a brief backstory: My mom gave my sister up for adoption, and kept me. I'm 39, my sister is 40, she is about a year and a half older than me. She contacted my (our) mother out of the blue about 8 years ago via letter. A year after receiving that letter we went to meet her and her kids (my neice and nephew). We have a lot of differences, however, I have always longed for a sister being raised an only child. She put a wall up to me immediately stating "I was hoping we would have obesity in common, I did not realize you were so cute and thin." She also tried to put a wedge between my mother and I because she still deals with issues of being put up for adoption and is jealous that I was not put up for adoption. After these differences came to light, I did not desire a close relationship with her figuring it was not possible. Fast forward to four years later, our mom died of a drug overdose. A year after mom's death, I decided to reconnect with my sister, and sent her a card stating how we were sisters and I want a sisterly relationship. She responded openly from appearances, but it turns out she just wanted to let loose on me. She had been in therapy since our mother's death, and she inadvertantly handed me the burden of blame of our mother's choices, giving her up, keeping me, and dying before she had a chance to confront her with all these issues. So, she put them at my doorstep. Me being torn up from my mothers death, no immediate family since my mother had no other kids, was desperate for some kind of family, and so I let her lay all of it on me and tried to be understanding. Over the course of the last three years since reaching out to her, I have sent cards and money to her two kids (my neice and nephew) on their birthday, Christmas, I have sent Christmas presents, I text her on a regular basis trying to kindle some relationship. I send her birthday cards, get well cards when she is sick. She has never acknowledged my birthday, I do not even think she knows it. I have never received communication from her kids (which is what I was hoping for and I have hinted this on many occasions with her as I do not want to cross boundaries), no thank yous from them, nothing. Not one thing in the mail from her either, which I know is wrong to expect, but I am just bitter about the whole thing I'm starting to feel selfish. I have not heard from her in two months. I figured I would let her initiate texting with me since I am the one to do it all the time. When I initiated it, we were texting weekly, sometimes daily. So, I have decided to give up. I am more hurt by this than anything. She is extremely self absorbed, jealous nature, and there is a dark side to her I found out early that I did not mention here. I chose to ignore all that, hoping to win her over with my faithfulness of remembering birthdays, holidays, and trying to nurture this relationship. She does not care. So I give up. I am sorry to say this but I have given up. I will finish out the year with the usual stuff but I feel like i'm wasting my time. There is no emotion behind sending these things anymore or initiating contact as I feel I am not getting the same treatment in return. Has anyone been in a one-sided relationship and finally gave up? I feel selfish but I am empty inside regarding emotion for this girl who is supposed to be my sister. ;