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How do you forgive yourself?
Posted: Apr 5, 2012
How do you forgive yourself when you have done something terribly wrong? I had a dog, the joy and sunshine of my life. I had had him for 16 years. He had a few medical problems, a collapsing trachea and congestive heart failure. He was on meds for the trachea which I gave him every day to help control the coughing. I also had meds for storms, as he was deathly afraid of them. I gave him his food Monday morning with his medicine in it. About an hour later, he came and lay down at my feet. When I picked him up he was limp, like he had no bones. I held him for a long time and finally called my daughter and SIL to come home. I had always promised myself and him I would never let him hurt. Somehow, I had it in my head he was hurting, so when my daughter got home, we took him to the vet and had him put to sleep. It was like having one of my children put down. This morning, the horrible thought hit me I had given him the wrong medicine. I checked the plate his food had been on and I HAD GIVEN HIM THE WRONG MEDICINE!! I killed my little dog. No matter what I say to myself, I can not get past the fact I should have known I gave him the wrong med, as he always acted limp and unresponsive with it. I just can not believe I put that baby down and there was nothing wrong with him. Please help me, how do you live with this...I am so heartbroken. Everywhere I look I see him. Everytime I think of him I cry. Please don't say it was just a dog, to me he was my everything. Can you ever really forgive yourself? How?
;
I'm so sorry, lovey - sm
[ In Reply To ..]I feel your pain. Please let yourself off the hook. You loved your little dog and he knew that.
Forgive yourself - cr
[ In Reply To ..]I'm so sorry too. It makes me cry as I'm so close to losing my old cat and I know how much love a person can feel for their pet. It sounds like he didn't suffer, really. You probably inadvertently spared him a harder death since he was ailing. You did no wrong.
Oh, Honey! - It really is okay
[ In Reply To ..]I certainly understand your anguish because my four-legged babies are just that, my babies. But you really need to look at it this way. At 16 years, your baby had a very long and happy life. You never know when those precious babies are going to go, and believe me, it's not easier to find them lying out in the sun on a hot day in the backyard when they had seemed fine (as I did my boy) when you let them out, and finding grass ground into their teeth where they fell over with a heart attack and obviously thrashed around in pain for a while. Your baby surely wouldn't have had that terribly many more years on this painful earth anyway, and instead of having to experience anything really painful, he had a nice, normal day and got to lie in your lap. All he knew was he drifted off to sleep, and if there are animals in Heaven (I never know what to believe about that stuff because I was taught our spirits are what set us humans apart from animals, but I just have a hard time believing they're not there waiting for us.), imagine what a wonderful place he woke up to. There's nothing to forgive. You gave him a wonderful life and a peaceful passage into the afterlife, who knows how much sooner really than it would have happened naturally and how much more painful if you hadn't, and what you did was out of love. That can't be wrong. It will hurt for a long, long time, but don't even think you have anything to "forgive" yourself for because you did nothing wrong. Just try to get over the grief, but PLEASE DON'T DO THAT to yourself. He could have fallen down unexpectedly tomorrow, SERIOUSLY. You took care of him great, and he loves you for it!
forgive yourself... - sm
[ In Reply To ..]Death is only sad for the living, not the dead. Your doggie sounds like he's in a better place, and probably a much easier death than if he'd have died naturally.
I took cat food to the Humane Society - wheres_my_job
[ In Reply To ..]My cat died in my arms, he did the limp and stretchy thing too, so sad! My power cat, my tree climber, explorer, high-spirited frisky cat!
It really helps to do something in their memory, I find, to help other animals, to bring comfort to other animals. Also, you can plant something in their memory too...a patch of catnip for a cat is always nice!
Hope you feel better, find comfort and meaning, and forgiveness for yourself.
it is okay, you gave him many great years, at 16 and problems, - he's at peace. It's okay. n/m
[ In Reply To ..]nm
Dog - anon
[ In Reply To ..]I believe dogs know you like people do. He knows you didn't do it on purpose! I had to have my dog put to sleep when she was 17. Bad part was my dong died right after my dad died of complete invasive care. I tried and tried for a whole week to have her iv infusion and stayed up with her for a week letting her lick ice chips. She had pancreatitis. There really was no hope. The more I looked at her sweet eyes the more I know I was keeping her around because I couldn't bear it and I decided that was pretty selfish of me. She had been with me from age 3 to 17. She just kept looking at me with those sad eyes of "just make this go away. I finanally summoned up to what she would have wanted. It was one of the most hardest things I have ever done!!! Might check with you local vet. We live in Indiana and Purdue donated money to the college in her name and also planted a tree in her named. I still keep all of the great pictures of her. She was the one friend that stuck with my through bullying, etc. I owed her peace. Funny, I've never been able to get close to a dog since. It took everything I had to let her be at peace. My thoughts go out to you and am sending you strength. Mistake or not, i believe you probably did the right thing. Anything that gives you conditional love deserves to do with dignity. I can never explain how much that dog was a part of my like and how much she was always there for me growing up. She loved me no matter what. Find that in the real word with humans, I don't think it would ever compare!!!! Look for a vet or someone that can create an ongoing memory of your beloved pet. She was my best friend and I ache or you and hope you find a way to come to terms with you lose. Your best friend would have wanted it that way. My deepest thoughts are with you!!!
Forgive yourself - MT
[ In Reply To ..]I am so very sorry this happened, but the other posters are right. You loved your baby, and he knew that. I can say very little to give you comfort except that you're not alone. You're only human, and you made a mistake. Maybe you can take some comfort in knowing that he went peacefully and at his age, his quality of life would only have gone downhill. I like to plant trees in memory of those I've lost whether it's a beloved pet member of the family or a person. Hugs to you. I wish I could make that hurt go away. I'm facing the same thing with my Sissy, a big, fat, very long-hair cat who won't be with me much longer. I look into her eyes and can see the aging coming very quickly now. She's 12 years old, and I know it's coming. Thank you for giving your baby such a good life. They deserve the best from us, and you gave him that. God bless you.
Try to look at it this way: (sm) - Meerkat
[ In Reply To ..]Being put down was probably in the card for the very near future, anyway, judging by his age, and all the health problems you describe. With CHF and a collapsed trachea, even with meds life was probably getting pretty difficult for him. If euthanasia happened a little bit earlier than you had planned, although it was heartbreaking for you, the dog may have been relieved to have this final release. As the other poster said, he lived a long, happy, well-cared-for life, so please don't feel it was your fault. This was going to happen anyway, and I think your response by taking him to the vet was because you were already preparing for this inevitability... it just happened a little early.
I hope someday another dog will come into your life, and will be as lucky as this dog was to have you as a guardian.
The vet would not have done tht unless he felt it was - Appropriate
[ In Reply To ..]You are experiencing grief. Guilt is one of the normal stages of that.
You were not totally to blame. Even if you made a mistake, you should not feel that you killed your dog because your veterinarian would not have done it unless it was his opinion that your dog's condition warranted it.
Your dog had been ill for some time. Chances are very good that he had been suffering and that you did not realize it. This episode may have been a blessing for him.
The Rainbow Bridge - sm
[ In Reply To ..]I had to put one of my American Bulldogs down 8 months ago. I to this day cry weekly. I had him cremated and put on my mantle in a beautiful box right alongside my pit bull. The cemetery gave me a beautiful keepsake of his paw print, lock of hair and the poem below. Do not for an instant think you killed your dog. I just had to put my mom's lab down three weeks ago. She did as you were, medicating him, cooking him people dishes, everything she could think of to keep him around - for her. The vet even told her she was being selfish for medicating him and keeping him around. I had to go over there and take him from her. He couldn't get up, wouldn't eat, and looked at with me with those soulful eyes begging me to let him go to the Rainbow Bridge. I struggle with guilt too, but I truly know deep in my heart he was ready to go. I told my kids I wish we as humans could do the same thing. Anyway, here is this poem - keep it close to you as you work through your sorrow.
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
nothing wrong - loving your pet
[ In Reply To ..]You did nothing wrong. Loving a pet is a powerful thing. Focus on all the positive. His death was one moment in a wonderful life. As a cat friend of mine says, we all come here with return ticket home. Blessings.
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