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Not to worry - But just the same, this fear is exhausting

Posted: Nov 5th, 2017 - 8:30 pm In Reply to: Please seek help. - People care. We care.

I have social network on FB of over 4500 people, total 7000 when adding them all up. Placed a gofundme drive (I have been struggling since February after a 5 yr job ended), and only one person responded.

I believe everyone is in the same boat. Especially in my state, California, as taxes are rising on every purchase and a 50 dollar grocery store trip is now 200. Utilities same.

I do wish i had a significant other, a child, a friend but this isolating job has kept me in the house for a decade, 3-11 shift, every weekend and holiday so I have dropped out of Main Stream. During housing crisis, my street changed forever and even today, having a yard sale, not one person walked up to see my stuff (art/bracelets) despite my neighbor having a huge one next door.

I am getting the dreaded phone calls now, and talking to the bill collectors literally causes me to burst into tears. Applied for SSDI and went into psychological interview, wailed like a baby the entire time (had not vented for years and apologized perfusely) and was denied.

I am old and tired, feel as if I have worked enough, and though I had saved, it went quickly. If I could make it two more years, SS would kick in and that would give me ample income after my nearly 40 year work history.

Thank you ladies. I cannot do myself in, I am too afraid I would fail and end up on a respirator or in a state hospital. Under this stress, no sleep, lost 20 pounds, my heart should be the one to give out and I would welcome it as there is little more to hope for than a routine and trying to put out fires.



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