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I need some pearls of motherly wisdom here.
Posted: Mar 28, 2017
My 24yo son lives with his girlfriend and has two kids with her. I just got a text from son today basically telling me that he doesn't like the way I treat his girlfriend. That I make passive aggressive remarks and I need to stop. I need to realize that he is an adult and I need to let him go and stay out of their business. I'm not going to lie. I don't particularly like the girlfriend. For starters, she's still married to another man and has had two kids with my son. She's left the kids at home with my son and has stayed out all night partying, too drunk to drive home, on more than one occasion. My son had the only job, worked nights, and paid all the bills, and she thought that instead of sleeping, he should be taking care of the kids so she could go do whatever it is she thinks she needs to do. So yes I've got some opinions about her. Yes, I have advised my son that he needs to put his foot down. He's the primary bread winner and she's needs to be appreciative of that fact.
But here's the thing, a month ago when my son needed to go to the ER because he had severe stomach flu and was dehydrated from throwing up so much, she couldn't take him because both kids were sick. Who did they call? Me. When my son lost his job and they couldn't pay their water bill, their rent, etc., who did they call? Me. When they need gas money or cigarette money or whatever and they are completely broke, who do they call? Me! When my son's anxiety kicks in and no one can talk him down, who do they call? Me again.
What started this recent episode was they owe my nephew $400 which she promised to pay when she got her settlement she's been waiting on from some sort of lawsuit. She got her money a month ago and still hasn't paid him back. He loaned them the money when they were trying to move to a new rental house and were of course broke. He even helped them move. My nephew not wanting to make this an issue between him and my son (they are like brothers), asked me if I would remind them to pay him back. So I did nicely did so. They said they would. The kids had been sick and they just hadn't been able to get to the bank. Then it steadily became excuse after excuse. My son doesn't have access to her money because she deposited into a bank account in her grandfather's name because she didn't want her husband to find out she came into money. So he has had to ask her to withdrawal the money to pay my nephew to which she keeps dragging her feet. So last week she and I had words and she told me it was none of my business. That she, my son, and my nephew were adults and they would work it out. I said fine and I haven't said another word about it. I even spoke to my son yesterday and never mentioned it. And now today I get the text from my son telling me to respect his girlfriend as the mother of his children and stop holding on so tight to him.
So I ask you, how would you respond? I'm hurt beyond belief. My son and I had a very close relationship. I was a single mom and we have this bond. He was my only child until age 9 when I had my daughter. Then it was us three against the world. We took care of each other, looked out for each other for a long time. It has been hard letting go of him, I admit that. It's been hard for my daughter too. And in a couple of years, my daughter is going to be going off to college and I feel like I'm hanging on to both my kids of dear life. So maybe it's time for me to find a new life. Any suggestions? :)
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I think the best thing you can do is to allow - your son to make his own
[ In Reply To ..]mistakes, allow him to fall and suffer any consequences for his decisions. That's the only way to learn. Think about the hardest lessons you have learned in life. They are usually when you fall the hardest and it hurts the most.
He's an adult, and as much as we moms want to intervene because we know they are heading in the wrong direction or making wrong choices, we can't. We raise them to become adults and to function in this world as independent people. I would get my own hobbies, my own life, and not allow my adult child or children to be my life. It will only lead to disappointment as you well know.
I think I would continue to be there for him, but know your boundaries. You will always be his mom and he knows that, that's why he calls you when he needs you. Other than that, I would butt out. Plus he's told you to do that, so I would comply :-)
I've always said it was so much easier when they were in diapers getting into everything and making a mess than it is when they become adults. We can't control their lives any longer, and that's hard to accept for us moms.
Yes, butt out, completely out except for grandchildren - sm
[ In Reply To ..]Twenty-four is an adult, but that does not mean they are grown up completely. It also means your job is done. You should not say one negative thing. Be as sweet as you can be. Love your grandchildren. Do not let anything come between you and your grandchildren. It is already a given that you and your son will stay close. Humor the GF. Be kind. She is the mother of those children. BUT CLOSE YOUR PURSE AND LOCK IT!! Make excuses as to why you cannot give them money. Anything, just don't do it. You have been solving problems you should not be solving even if that is your son. Let them work these things out.
Get a life, a new life. Do not let your life revolve around the children and grandchildren. Go out and be you, church, book clubs, volunteering, socializing and catching up with friends - anything that interests you and keeps you busy and happy. It is now time for you to focus on you. Besides, your opinions do not matter and they only cause problems.
If son or GF come to you with their problems, financial or otherwise, you need to say, that is not my place, you need to work this out. Do not give the GF any reason to complain about you. Do not have words with her, or opine to your son behind her back. Let it go. If there are problems, such as your nephew, do not get involved. Do not answer the phone. End the drama and live in peace. Your son will soon see that you have nothing to do with their problems and will have to face the issues himself with her.
I started to write a reply to OP, but erased it. (sm) - Mother of 2 grown sons
[ In Reply To ..]It was coming out all wrong. I wish I had written this post. If they want you to butt out, fine, but that goes with the responsibility of them handling their own problems.
personally, I would say okie dokie and leave it at that - too much drama, nm
[ In Reply To ..].
I have a 26yo son. - dogsbody
[ In Reply To ..]Some of the experiences/conversations you mention, I have had with MY son. Some of your child's reactions are 'attacks' that I have experienced also.
Reading what you have written, I just feel that your feelings are exactly right. And, since you often keep quiet about problems--again--exactly right. And you probably are NOT a person who has to feel RIGHT all the time. But in this instance, you ARE right.
But it is time to get your center back. You're hurt...I get that. They need and then reject...I get that too. But with the exception of helping the children, get your own Mojo back. I think your concerns are true life prophesies. Just hold yourself together and step back and get your center back and roll with it.
It seems like this is the age where all moms need - to do that, doesn't it?
[ In Reply To ..]x
Do as asked - Backwoods Typist
[ In Reply To ..]It's time they faced the consequences of their own actions. Love the grand kids, but close the purse strings. Tell them you have your own issues and bills to worry about and nothing extra to give. My parents went through a time when they helped my sister too much and she took them for granted, and that's what they are doing to you. I know it is hard to see your baby struggle, but that is part of growing up and the best way to learn is the hard way. One can work another job for whatever money the first job falls short on. Maybe they will give up cigarettes, which helps not just your son and GF, but also the grand kids. It will also put an end to the GFs party life. At 26, your time raising him is done. Now is you time. Eventually, they will have to deal with their own problems, which they should have already been doing. You can head off problems but for so long. Only thing putting it off does is compound and complicate.
Take a step back and do what makes you happy..find your new life. Volunteer, join a club of interest, learn a new skill...whatever is your happy thing. When you know your phone is ringing with drama or issues from them, hit ignore and let it hit voicemail and deal with it in your time. By all means, be nice to the GF even though you don't care for her. Be there for your son, but not in the same capacity that you have been. It's time for baby bird to find his wings, and momma bird needs to encourage that. You will always be his mom and you guys will always have a bond, but sometimes you have to take a step back and practice a little tough love for a lesson learned. He chose his bed...now let him learn to sleep in it. Best of luck!
Messy - problem
[ In Reply To ..]You can kiss that $400 goodbye. As for your son, I would completely break off with him right now and let him find his way through his messy life. You need to do this for your own sanity. We are on this earth to learn lessons I believe. Don't take it to heart. One day, your son will soon wake up hopefully. I had to make a complete break with one of my nieces because of money issues. You have to survive to go on.
I'd "stop holding on so tight to him," but that - wamt
[ In Reply To ..]also means that my financial assistance would end, etc. I don't think they get to have it both ways and call all the shots and tell you to let them handle things themselves, oh, but please fork over cash, etc. If they're truly adults, then they need to figure things out for themselves. Tough to do when grand-kids are involved, but there's little choice for you. I'm also very skeptical that the relationship will last very long since the girlfriend is obviously immature and taking advantage of your son. It's probably just a matter of time before it all blows up. Sad for the grand-kids in this situation, but this whole thing looks like a mess.
Stay out of it! - Old fashioned old lady
[ In Reply To ..]I would have one last conversation with my son. I would tell him I how I feel about his adulterous relationship. I would tell him that I love my grandchildren, but legally they are the legitimate children of his wife and her husband, I have no claim on them and it is better I stay away from them and not further this relationship with them any further for their sakes as well as my own. Indeed if the children's legal father wants those children they are his, and if his family wants to take them out of this immoral relationship, they have legal standing to do so, I have no legal standing, in the eyes of the law they are not my grandchildren, and his paramour is another man's wife. Indeed, the legal father could probably obtain a restraining order forbidding me to have anything to do with them. I would lay this out in stark legal terms for my foolish son. (I would first see a lawyer though and find out exactly what my rights and standing are, if any) I would tell my lamebrain son that if he wants a relationship with me, that he takes the necessary legal steps to legitimize those children and make them his; that is, if your state's laws provide a mechanism for doing so. He may or may not be the sperm donor but those children are NOT his, or your grandchildren.
I would also soften this by begging his forgiveness that I was somehow so derelict in my duty as a mother as to fail to give him a better moral code, not to mention some common sense.
Tell him further that the woman you will accept as the mother of his children is his wife. Put the shoe on the other foot in the starkest terms possible,for the sake of his immortal soul and your sanity. He has to measure up to your standards, not bludgeon you into accepting his using your affection for those children when neither your nor he have any legal right for a relationship.
(And tell your nephew that his money his probably gone, and remind him that this is a sinful dishonorable unstable immoral relationship and that he should not try to keep it going.)
Two of those kids ARE her grandchildren. - NM
[ In Reply To ..]This is what makes it hard. There are children involved here. I would talk to your son and his GF and apologize for any tension or hard feelings you may have caused. Tell them they are adults and you intend to treat them as such, while maintaining a relationship with your grandchildren. Tell them you do not wish to cause or be involved in any conflict with them, financially or otherwise. Actually, it would do you and the children a lot of good to be together without their parents as much as possible. Be someone they can look up to and they can confide in.
Spend time with the children, buy them clothes, gifts, what YOU want to buy or think they need. CUT THE MONEY OFF to the parents. If you are confronted with any requests for funds or conflict, just kindly remind them they are adults and you do not wish them to discuss their financial matters with you any longer, as it will only cause you to form opinions you do not want to express, and this will cause a lot less conflict. Be kind when you say these things, and give them this warning BEFORE they come to you for money again.
After all mom, you are old fashioned to them, and our old fashioned opinions do not seem to matter these days, only cause problems. Stay out of their personal lives and build your own. It will make their problems seem much more insignificant to you if you design a fulfilling life for yourself, and with your grandchildren.
Please understand what I am trying to say - soon to be great-grandmother (old fashioned old la
[ In Reply To ..]I am coming at this as a senior citizen, who has children and grandchildren, and expecting a great-grandchild. I do, indeed, come from another era when marriage was still considered holy, and you taught your sons and daughters to respect that (although of course they -- we -- did not always do so.) Still there was a moral framework in place and it made things easier to decide the proper course of action.
I believe this still holds true, though we tend to disregard it. And that it still the place of the head of the family (OP) to put things in proper moral and legal context, and act accordingly -- especially since the laws governing marriage, marital rights, legitimacy, etc., have not changed.
I understand those children are likely her biological grandchildren. But that does not change the fact they are NOT her grandchildren. They are legally the grandchildren of his son's mistress's parents and the mistress's husband's parents. Neither she nor her son have any say or right to those children. No matter who has actually fathered those children, those children are the LEGITIMATE children of adulterous wife and the legal husband. The grandmother (OP) is heading toward heartbreak if she does not recognize this. It is best for her, for her son, and for the children, until this matter is legally resolved.
Thus her son can and should try to take steps to establish paternity but it may not be easy (or even possible) since the law regards children born into wedlock as belonging to the husband and the wife. Probably only the husband of your son's mistress can force the issue. Again, state laws will differ and you need a lawyer to explain it. But there is also the possibility that the children she believes to be her biological grandchildren may not be so. They may actually be the husband's.
Remember this, your son's mistress is still married and who knows how honest she is being with anyone. A marriage is still a marriage, no better how bad it may be! A marriage, in a sense lasts until death, even when there is separation, annulment, or divorce! The marriage bond never completely breaks, ever! Come on, those of us who are not in the first blush of youth, know this.
Therefore my advice to this poor lady is this, detach, detach, detach! Don't let the grandchildren become any more attached to you. See a lawyer, find out what rights you may have, if any, and decide how you want to proceed.
It may be that you can compel a paternity test, if the children are your son's, you can then establish some rights over the children (visitation rights) and if you deem it a good idea, you may be able to get those children out of this unhealthy situation and take custody of them, perhaps jointly with the other set of grandparents who are probably just as angry and distressed as you are, putting real stability in their lives, out of the control of these three flakes.
In any case, once you have legally established yourself as the grandparent, if your state's laws allow, you are in a situation where your son or his mistress cannot control you, and you are in a far better situation to help those children. Indeed, when grandparents' rights are established, they are stronger when there is no marriage. And you have then created a situation, where these two nincompoops have an authority figure to whom they are to some extent accountable and who can legally step in when she deems it appropriate.
In any case, dear OP, you do no one any good by condoning this situation. It is wrong and immoral, and very very bad for your son. No son who loves his mother should ever ask her to accept a woman as immoral and dishonorable as his mistress is; put this indisputable fact into the mix and get on your high horse if you like!
How dare your son bring this wretched immoral, worse than an honest, streetwalker home to you and demand you accept her. How could he choose such a woman as mother of his children? Ask him that, make him think! Women, especially his mother and the woman who is to someday be his wife, should not be dishonored in such a cavalier manner, not to mention begetting children so casually and carelessly!
You may think I am harsh and unforgiving, so be it. The only way out of this that works is for the OP to be outraged at the immorality of this situation, not accept it, or fail to articulate the egregious injury her son has inflicted on their entire family with clarity and emphasis.
Again, the first steps here are to:
1) DETACH.
2) Identify her legal rights.
3) If she has some legal rights, decide what steps she wants to take, perhaps best done in tandem with the mistress's family and the mistress's husband's family, to protect these children from an inherently unstable and destructive (not to mention godless and immoral) situation.
I ask you this. WWJD? - nm
[ In Reply To ..]x
Okay you ask what would Jesus do? - Old fashioned
[ In Reply To ..]okay, let's look at this from a biblical perspective, shall we? I did not really want to drag religion into this that much, other than to say adultery is pretty much universally and very harshly condemned, not to mention for most of man's history, there have been laws against it.
Problem here is, a lot of people who have a distorted view of Jesus. He was not weak minded or soft headed. Pre-incarnate Jesus drove Adam and Eve from Eden with a whip, incarnate Jesus drove the money changers from the temple with a whip. Jesus was not kind to Sodom & Gomorrah for that matter. While Jesus is perfectly good, He is not always all that "nice." He can be quite harsh and judgemental. He drove Israel into captivity for their apostasy and immorality, in fact He called their sin "adulterous." Jesus, in short, loathes and condemns adultery in the strongest possible terms.
Jesus says:
For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.
One of the 10 commandments is "thou shalt not commit adultry."
In Leviticus 20:10 we find this:
"If a man commits adultery with another man's wife--with the wife of his neighbor--both the adulterer and the adulteress are to be put to death."
So we find that Jesus considers adultery a capital offense. Now we also have Christ forgiving the woman at the well who has had 5 husbands but what does He say to her: "Go and sin no more." He does not accept or condone her adultery. He comforts and forgives her because she is shattered in spirit, broken, grieving, and filled with sorrow, shame, and regret. But make no mistake, He forbids her to continue in the life that she has been leading, and if she does, she again breaks His commandment and again lives in condemnation.
If you are a Jew or a Christian, then you must accept the fact that adultery is a horrible sin. But Christianity teaches that us that because of Calvary, the REPENTANT sinner is forgiven. A sinner who lives in adultery is clearly living in sin and not living in grace. For a parent, never does Christ ask that we accept the sin or the sinner into our intimate circle, although we can love the sinner and pray for the restoration of our loved ones. Indeed, as a parent, if our acceptance of a sin unto death results in the loss of our child's immortal soul, are we not murderers of that child?
Now I do believe there is a point where you can still have a relationship with your child who is living in sin (after all we are all sinners) you can leave the door open for him/her, but you do not do it from a point of weakness, you do not let him order you to accept a relationship with a woman whose bed (as the book of Proverbs teaches) is the way of disease and death.
In addition, St. Paul wrote of how the believers are to treat adulterers, which is to dismiss them from fellowship until they give up their sin.
There is nothing Christian whatsoever about saying that Jesus would require this poor woman to respect and accept this wanton adulteress who has betrayed her marriage vows made before the throne of God by bringing two children into this world who are not the children of her husband, and in whose bed, your son, if he does not leave it, will lead to hellfire and damnation.
Now I am nearing the end of my life, I try to walk with God these days and give Him a daily accounting of my life; I have a diagnosis of cancer and I know my days are not long on this earth.
I know too, that God is not served by counseling a parent to accept a sin that will send her child into eternal damnation. It is better for the sake of her son's immortal soul (not to mention a hopeful future) to any way encourage or be associated with this sin.
Secondly, the children are important whether or not they are her biological grandchildren. I am pretty sure that Jesus would counsel that the children are all that are important about this relationship, nothing else, certainly not those two fools, and that she should act in the best interest of those children, and not have the slightest concern about being in this woman's good graces.
So at this point, given the fact she has no legal right to these children, it is best for them and for her to back off, rather than break their hearts, for the fact is, those children can be cut off from her, and her son, on a moment's whim, forever.
Therefore, what she needs to do, is to see an attorney, find out what she can do, if nothing just back off completely. and insist that her son get out of this relationship ASAP and find a lovely young woman who is free to love him in honorable marriage, and then into this sacred environment, bring forth wanted children whose parentage is not in doubt.
That does not of course in anyway negate his responsibility to the children he has already fathered, he is responsible to them and for them, and to some extent their mother. But not in her bed, not in her home.
If the OP can compel a paternity test, and establish that there is a legal relationship, that I think is what Jesus would want her to do. And then, armed with the legal right, via the courts, she can intervene in those childrens' lives in whatever might be an appropriate manner in the future, it may be that just insisting on visitation is all that should be done. She and her grandchildren then have legal rights to each other,and it does not require that she "respect" their mother or have much of anything to do with her.
I think that what Jesus would advise her to do, is recognize this sinful repellant relationship for what it is, not allow her son to put any demands on her whatsoever, and exercise her legal options once she has some.
Jesus is the visible manifestation God, He is the Great I Am who is before Abraham was, who changes not, incapable of telling a lie. God says that adultery is utterly evil (and if you have ever been caught up in its wake you know that it is, it is like a small earth quake in the middle of the ocean, by the time it has completed its damage, there is a 30-foot tsunami ravaging the coasts of many nations.)
Now as a matter of practicality, and leaving theology out of this, as I would prefer to do, if this woman does divorce her husband, your son marries her, and adopts his biological children so that there are no questions as to their status and there are rights, then the OP must then accept and respect this person as his son's legal wife and the mother of his legitimate children. She must then be polite and courteous, of course.
But as for right now, from a JudeoChristian prespective, or simply as an ethical humanist, the son has no right to demand his mother respect this woman, indeed he should have nothing but shame before his mother.
I don't agree with the son at all, but as for not - sm
[ In Reply To ..]bringing religion into it? Your first post used the words "immortal soul," "unholy" union, and "moral" something or other.
I always find it amazing how certain "people of faith," ignore the rest of what Jesus taight. You know, the parts about love, compassion, tolerance, oh, and that part about "Judgment is mine, sayeth the Lord?" It's people like you that drove me from organized religion.
Let me say, I think the son ought to be taken out to the woodshed for treating his mother like this. But, if you think for one minute a mother can deny her son, or children she believes to be her grandchildren, for the sake of morality, condemnation of adultry, or setting an example for his "immortal soul," I think you're sadly mistaken.
Do I think you're harsh? Yes. Do I think you're a bully? Most certainly.
An important distinction about something you posted - sm
[ In Reply To ..]You wrote, "in addition, St. Paul wrote of how the believers are to treat adulterers, which is to dismiss them from fellowship until they give up their sin."
Paul is referring specifically to other believers, not those who are yet unsaved. Paul goes on to say in 1 Corinthians 5:9-13. "I wrote to you in my epistle not to keep company with sexually immoral people. Yet I certainly did not mean with the sexually immoral people of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner--not even to eat with such a person. For what have I to do with judging those also who are outside? Do you not judge those who are inside? But those who are outside God judges. Therefore, 'put away from yourselves the evil person.'"
Are the woman's son and his girlfriend believers? We should speak the truth in love and endeavor to have unsaved souls see in us the love of Jesus, who died for us when we were yet sinners. Once we come to Jesus, God is the one who then sanctifies us as He completes His work in us.
God does hate sin, but He loves sinners.
God bless you, Sister, as you near the end of your time here. I pray that God blesses you with peace and comfort and an ever-growing knowledge of who He is.
Thanks for all the advice. I know that I need to let go and let him find his way. - OP
[ In Reply To ..]And that's what I'm going to try to do it, but I have to tell ya it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do! When your kids have been your life and all of sudden they're not, it's a shock. I have to get a new life, one that is about me now. It feels weird and unnatural to me.
I did want to address Old Fashioned Lady's posts. I understand what you are saying as far as my son's relationship with his GF being adulterous and immoral. I was brought up in a very conservative religious background myself and I have an issue with her being married to someone else and living with and having children with my son without getting a proper divorce. BUT those are my grandbabies, my blood. I love them with my whole heart. I cannot bring myself to even contemplate that someone other than my son would be their "legal father" and I would absolutely not let anyone try to take those babies away from my son, legal rights or no.
Having said all that, the GF had her legal husband sign affidavits with each birth that stated he was not their biological father and had no legal claim and my son signed affidavits as well stating he was their biological father. My son was adamant about keeping the other guy away from his children, and the hospital provided these forms for them. The girls have my son's name legally and they are his heart and soul.
Anyway, thanks again for all the advice. Now I've just got to figure out what I want do for myself. I have to find a hobby or something. Reconnect with friends I guess. So strange...
For the OP - sm
[ In Reply To ..]I do not blame you for the way you feel about your son and grandchildren. NEVER distance yourself from them. That would be what is unnatural.
However, let's talk about YOU. Everybody says get a life. How? It is hard and a little bit scary. Start with the simplest things. What are your interests? Say you want to join a book club, or maybe do some volunteering. Start somewhere like that and it will expose you to other people with hobbies and activities that you might also enjoy. Also reconnecting with friends and sharing a common interest is somewhere to start. Hey, if you don't like it, no big deal, just keep moving on until you are comfortable with 1 or more things. I don't know, cooking class, pottery class, quilting, anything. This allows you to get to know new people, as well as reconnecting with old friends. Volunteer somewhere. Start slow and gradually build. Just keep busy with your mind engaged on something for just YOU.
I am not in your place. I have a wonderful relationship with my children and grandchildren, even though one of the son-in-laws really irks me. But they are involved in their own lives and I get together with them when invited, or no one has anything planned, or one of the kids school or sporting events. However, I do not feel like I have a life of my own so I signed up for a cooking class. Small town and our local bowling alley is begging for people to join their league. Not sure about that one but I am going to check it out. If I don't like it, I will quit. Simple. Then I will volunteer at our hospital. I may decide to drive some of the elderly at the nursing home. I empathize with you and wish you a very happy life created by YOU, and peace with your family.
"we have this bond" - "us three against the world" sm
[ In Reply To ..]You ARE hanging onto your kids for dear life. Don't for a second think that you have "this bond" with your son that takes precedence over his bond with his partner or his kids.
I absolutely know that my bond with my children should not - OP
[ In Reply To ..]take precedence over the bond they develop with their spouses. My confusion and hurt feelings come from them asking me for money, to help them take care of the kids, take of him when he is sick, and then all of sudden I'm to involved in their lives and it's none of my business! They brought me into their business!
It seems as though they don't want my advice on anything, just my money.
I realize I have to let go. I'm saying it's hard, that's all. But thank you for the drive by advice.
I appreciate the others who took time to give a thoughtful reply, offered words of encouragement, and understanding. Advice given with love and compassion, is just nicer, ya know.
The truth hurts, but a person can cushion the blow.
Mother of 26yo as above... - dogsbody
[ In Reply To ..]Just wanted to say again that I understand the 'bond' and the come into my problems and get out of my life that these kids dish out. The moms of my son's friends from HS and beyond are ALL going through the same whether married/unmarried, working/still in school.
It's a bipolar existence we lead isn't it (?) but...the real thing that we need to keep in mind is that you and I will be in a nursing home when our sons are (hopefully) leading full and satisfying lives.
So, backing off is maybe the final and best gift we can give them (and ourselves, sigh). p.s. I sink back into mommy-dom esp. when my son is ill. Hard isn't it???
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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/16/former-first-lady-barbara_n_2141769.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular ...