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Tough situation. - Sweets

Posted: Apr 14th, 2018 - 2:09 pm In Reply to: Help, I need advice please! - FamDamily

I was in a situation where my son and ex-DIL were divorcing, and I was the primary caretaker for my grandchild. It stuck me in the middle of a very tense situation. My ex-DIL was telling me all kinds of lies. It just got to the point - and remains to this day - that I will not get involved in any conversation with my ex-DIL about any subject except my grandchild. I text and call and Facebook her about what's going on with my grandchild and make arrangements. I never ever comment or like a Facebook post or ask my ex-DIL about her life, job, or unemployed boyfriend. I had to do this to minimize the toxic effect this woman had on me. I also never ever ever say anything bad about my ex-DIL to anybody except my husband and in private. My son and I have repaired our relationship from that awful time of divorce and his ex-wife's lies and drama. We will talk and he has finally opened up and shared some details about things that happened to him during his marriage.

For another example of a different approach to your same situation: about 20 years ago, my SIL was having an affair. Long story, but my MIL found out and confronted my SIL about the affair. And my MIL never told her son, my BIL, about the affair. There were two kids involved. So, after a time, my SIL starts another affair and this time my BIL finds out. When he then found out that his mother knew about the other affair, he got all kinds of mad and hurt that my MIL had not told him. In defense of my MIL though, my SIL begged her not to tell, would stop the affair, etc., etc. plus, my MIL did not want to get involved in someone else's marriage. They did eventually divorce and my BIL is very happily remarried.

I chose to just bow out of my ex-DIL's business while my MIL confronted her then DIL. Both approaches ended up the same way though for both of us a mothers to son going through a bad marriage: the scapegoat. In your case, I think if you smell a rat, then there's probably a rat and your DIL is having an affair. Get some more information before you decide to tell your son. You certainly don't want to go to him based on innuendos and hunches, My MIL found out when a friend of hers saw my SIL (now ex) at the motel with her boyfriend and scurried over to tell my MIL.

Good luck. I'm afraid I haven't been much help.

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