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Parenting....
Posted: Jan 15, 2015
Today I woke to find a news story about free range parenting. I seriously have never heard the term until reading the story about how parents allowed their 10-year-old son and 6-year-old daughter to walk home from the park. The kids were stopped by police on the way, and the parents had a visit from CPS. They tried to explain that their kids are "free range kids." Anyway, I don't allow my children (7 and 10) to walk alone in our neighborhood, and although I don't feel I'm going to change this, it has me questioning if I give them enough freedom. We also play in the backyard. We live in a rental in not the best neighborhood as about a month after we moved in we found out there was a sex offender on our street (diagonally from our house). We are moving to a better neighborhood soon when we are financially able to move. When I grew up in the 80s and early 90s, our parents let us wander all over the neighborhood.
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Times - me
[ In Reply To ..]When I was a kid, we were out pretty much all day if weather was good & half the time when weather was bad. Bikes & walks were done all over the neighborhood. Walked to school when there was no bus up to 2 miles one way. Now there's a bus to take you across the street (little kids taking bus to cross a highway to school is good, but high school kids should know how to cross). For awhile, we lived 3 blocks from my kids' school. Daughter was almost hit by a truck right after school. Crossing guard pulled her out of the way & the truck followed! The crossing guard walked her all the way home for safety. My son & his friends burst into the house one afternoon to say that somebody had tried to kidnap another child on the way home from school. Kids are getting stolen from their own yards & even out of their houses in the middle of the night these days. My youngest is old enough now to handle himself, but if I had any more little kids, they would not be allowed to roam freely now. Sad, because the freedom I enjoyed would not be felt by younger kids. Free range adults are bad enough (some of them), but free range kids is asking for trouble. It's just not safe enough.
Don't think the police...SM - Old Anon
[ In Reply To ..]had any business stopping those kids if they weren't in any imminent danger. They could have kept an eye out and maybe followed the kids to their home. If police were that concerned, they might have then spoken to the parents about any concerns they had, but I think involving CPS was way out of line. We don't yet live in a police state, but looks like that is what it is becoming. Looks like a good case for the American Civil Liberties Union.
I agree. While I thinks is great that the police are - SM
[ In Reply To ..]interested in the wellbeing of these kids, I think maybe following them home or keeping an out for any potential dangers would have been sufficient. Siccing CPS on the parents is a bit extreme. I live in a small town and I'm two blocks away from the town park. I let my kids walk to and from the park from about age 10 on. Never alone, but with a group of kids or each other.
before you relocate - anon
[ In Reply To ..]Use the below website for any place you're interested in moving to. It'll let you know in advance if there are any sex offenders there, so you can look elsewhere.
Thank you - Momtothree
[ In Reply To ..]We did check before moving in here, but for some reason it didn't show up until about a month after we moved in. The guy has a woman living with him (sometimes kids are at their house), and he works as an auto mechanic. I realize people like that could be anywhere and could reside in the best neighborhood. I think parents just have to be careful, watch, and teach their children about safety.
Since we are talking about the safety of our children. I have a question. - SM - Concerned Mom
[ In Reply To ..]I have a 14yo daughter who of course uses facebook, instagram, etc. Over Christmas break, she started talking to a girl who is from a nearby town and who said she would be moving to our town and starting school after Christmas break. My daughter mentioned her a couple times to me, mainly saying they were getting a new girl in her grade and that she had already made friends with her. This morning, I was taking my daughter and one of her other friends to school. The friend started talking about this new girl saying she doesn't think she's for real. That it's probably some guy pretending to be a girl on Instagram. My daughter argued that she was wrong, but my ears pricked up and so I asked why didn't my daughter's friend think the girl was for real. She said that the girl hasn't shown up for school yet and when asked where she was, the "new girl" said she was there, she just spent the entire day with the principal of the school getting oriented. My daughter's friend moved to our school district in the middle of the school year last year and so she knows the protocol for new students and she only spent two hours with the principal and then was given a "buddy" to help her find her classes and navigate the new school. So my daughter's friend was immediately suspicious, as now am I. Then my daughter's friend says that this "new girl" sent nude pictures of herself to one of the boys they go to school with asking him to in return send "her" pictures. Now I'm really suspicious. My daughter got really angry with her friend for telling me all this and I can't figure out if she's angry because she feels stupid or because I might think she was stupid for believing this new girl or if she truly believes this girl is for real. I explained to my daughter that we will live in a dangerous world and it is my job to be suspicious and maybe even paranoid. So I asked her what this new girl's name was. In my opinion, it sounded fake. I will not post the last name here just in case she's real, but the first name was "Libby Lu" which made me immediately think of the little girls shops that were in shopping malls up until a few years ago.
So now I'm wondering how to further investigate this. Should I call the school and ask if they have a new student by this name and will the school even tell me if they do? I know for sure that this evening when my daughter gets home from school, I will be checking out this girls Instagram and Facebook feeds. I've already googled the entire name and came up with a ton of links for the girls' shop. Any suggestions?
I'd call and talk to the principal and let s/m - sereneone
[ In Reply To ..]him/her know about this. I doubt they'll confirm whether there is truly such a child or not but may take action if they find out other kids are being contacted. Couldn't hurt to make the school aware.
FB/Instagram - clyde
[ In Reply To ..]As far as social media goes, as a parent I feel you should have access to your child's passwords and you should log into her accounts frequently to ensure she is being safe. We have a rule in my house that you don't add someone to your social media group if you don't personally know them, having seen them personally and befriended them.
As far as this particular situation, at least on Facebook there is a "report" button you can use to report a possible fake profile. If it were me, I'd go onto my daughter's profile and report this person to Facebook (and Instagram if this person is there to), and I'd also report it to the school since it sounds like your daughter isn't the only one who added this "person" to their social media groups. If inappropriate photographs were shared online, the school will report it to the police, who will investigage and get the IP address of the offending party.
I had the same rule with my daughter, that she had to know - Concerned Mom
[ In Reply To ..]the person face to face before adding them to FB or Instragram. Plus I made it a point to know everyone she follows or his friends with online and I thought I had done a thorough job. Except now that I sit and think about it, it's been awhile since I checked out her accounts. She's a good girl- straight A's, athlete, lots of friends, well liked - and so I became less diligent, telling myself I should and could trust her. And I can trust and she is a good girl, except I forget she is a kid and kids don't see the dangers, don't heed the warning signs.
I think I will call the principal and this evening I will be logging on to my daughter's accounts. I can't seem to get her to understand that she's not in trouble, but that I'm trying to protect her. Oh well, I'm find with her being mad at me as long as she's safely in her room pouting!
I don't keep my kids caged - Momtothree
[ In Reply To ..]At the same time, I make sure they are safe. My daughter has a best friend who lives in another state (we live about 40 minutes from them), and we take turns doing sleepovers for an entire weekend. They stay at their grandparents in the summer. I have done a lot of walking in our neighborhood, and I don't always feel safe walking by myself here, so I won't let our kids walk here. Recently a guy probably in his 50s stopped to ask if I would like a ride, and this wasn't the first time someone has asked me. I said no thank you and kept walking. I think there is some kind of middle ground between being a free range parent and overprotective, and that's where I'm trying to be :)
I meant to say I won't let them walk by themselves - Momtothree
[ In Reply To ..]I have let them walk with me in our neighborhood, and I do teach them about safety and what to do in certain situations
I would report it to school - sm
[ In Reply To ..]Because it does sound like someone may be preying on the students of this particular school and some parents may not monitor their children as much as you and a child could get hurt.
My daughter has FB and I usually monitored her's pretty well, had her password and such. Well, her rule was not to add anyone she didn't know and I noticed she had been talking to this "boy" on there that was supposedly her age, but they didn't have mutual friends or anything. I don't remember how exactly I found out, but I did realize he was an adult male, pretending to be a young boy. He had asked my daughter where she lived and other questions and thank God, she didn't answer! I sent him a message on FB, giving him a piece of my mind, and he said some boy had hacked his FB and it was the young boy talking to my daughter, not him. Of course, I know that was a lie and I monitor her FB daily now.
I was "free range" too, though that wasn't always - what my mom intended! - sm
[ In Reply To ..]Granted,times were a little different when I was a kid, but even then, there were bad things that happened to kids. Still, I think a certain amount of freedom to come and go when you want when you're young is part of having a childhood, and not a completely caged, monitored existence.
When I was 7, there was a girl who lived down the street that I loved to play with, but her mom literally would not let her set one foot off the curb of their property. I lived only 3 doors down, yet if she came to my house to play, her mom would DRIVE her. I learned it was because she used to have an older brother who was hit and killed by a car.
I understand the mother's grief, and her fear of losing her other child, but to confine her in that way wasn't fair to the girl. It was stunting her social life, as most of the other kids wouldn't play with her because they got tired of always having to play at her house. We used to run wild through the vacant lots and down the canyon trails, and this poor girl never got to experience that. She wasn't allowed in my friend's tree house. ("Might fall out.") Wasn't allowed to go swimming. ("Might drown.") I always used to wonder what happened to her when she got to be dating age, but most likely she wasn't allowed to do that either. No doubt she still lives with her mom, and never leaves the property.
I think that's as sad as seeing an eagle or a tiger having to live its life in a cage. Yes, it would have more risks if it were free, but at least it would have actually lived, rather than merely existed.
My Opinion - see msg
[ In Reply To ..]I think a 10-year-old is too young to be "babysitting" a 6-year-old. I do think the police should have followed them to make sure they were safe, then maybe gone to the parents with their concern, but I wouldn't have gotten CPS involved.
And can you imagine how terrible that 10-year-old would have felt if something happened to the 6-yo? I think that's a terrible burden to put the 10-yo in charge, which is what it appears to be here. And 10-year-olds are not mature adults! They are easily distracted by things around them, and besides there is no way she could have protected the younger one if someone were to snatch the younger one up.
I saw a situation once where I almost called the police, but it was on a very busy road, so I wasn't too worried. Anyway, a 12-year-old was walking in front of a 5-yo, and she had her music ear pieces in! First, if her brother hollered or something, she never would have heard it. Second, if anything, the younger child should have been walking at her side, or in front of her where she could see him. That was truly a case of the parents neglecting to make sure the older one knew her role for the younger one.
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