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Drowning
Posted: May 18, 2015
I feel like I'm drowning. I'm in my 30s. Single. No children. No friends really. I live with my mother. She hasn't been able to work going on 2 years now and she's waiting for a disability denial appeal court date. Still no word on that other than it could take 12 to 18 months for a date. I am struggling paying her bills and mine as well, along with putting food on the dinner table and the miscellaneous expenses that keep coming up. Money gets tighter and tighter every week as my paychecks get smaller and smaller. It would be nice if my sister could help out a bit with some of my mom's bills, but she can't and I don't think she would help if she could.
I get more and more depressed as time goes on. The loneliness is killing me. The stress is killing me. The worry is killing me. I cannot afford insurance in order to go see a doctor for some help. I make too much money as a single person with no dependents for any kind of state or federal financial help. But yet I'm just barely managing to keep my head above the water. Just barely.
I cannot afford any luxuries, just the basics here. Cannot even afford the gas to take a day trip just to get away and go somewhere away from everything for a day.
I'm slowly drowning. The water is getting deeper every day and I'm getting tired of trying to keep my head up.
;
hugs for Drowning. - URloved
[ In Reply To ..]You are not alone, and you are loved. We are living on rice and beans, and whatever veges we can find to throw in (asparagus right now). Try a vacation in your head (I know that sounds strange) but close your eyes, picture yourself under a palm tree on a beach, toes in the warm sand, light summer breeze, and the foam of the waves trickling over your toes. Go to that place every time you close your eyes. Know you are not alone, ever. Reaching through the screen and giving you a big hug.
'When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.'
Harriet Beecher Stowe
Thank you.. - OP
[ In Reply To ..]Thanks so much. :)
Have you tried getting help with food stamps? There are (sm) - Trying to help
[ In Reply To ..]local food banks that could probably help you with food at least. As far as getting monetary help, how old is your mom? Could she get any kind of disability? What about Catholic Charities in your area? You don't have to be Catholic for them to help you. Salvation Army? Call the local welfare or human services and see if they can give you a referral of some kind.
Drowning - issues
[ In Reply To ..]I agree with what the above person advises (sm). Don't know if you are in a large city or a small town but even finding a church that can give you some counseling might be of some help. What I would not like to see is your feeling so overwhelmed, that you simply "freeze up" and do nothing. You know God gives us trials to conquer in life; that may be true in your life right now. Used to be so easy to make friends but the way society is set up today, it is very difficult, I know. Even if you are unable to take a day trip somewhere, find a nice park or garden to visit for a few hours and just let your brain go quiet and see if you can at least rejuvenate yourself some. Take it day be day; remember "this too shall pass."
If you keep doing what you have always done - xx
[ In Reply To ..]you will continue to get the same results. You need to take charge of your life and make a change.
You need a better job because clearly MT is not doing what you need it to do. You will probably have to get a job outside of the home, but only the first step is scary. Once you have seen that you can do that, you will be fine.
Good luck to you. You can do this.
My mom is... - OP
[ In Reply To ..]My mom is in her late 50s, still has a few more years to go before she can get social security. She is disabled, just not disabled enough to qualify for disability (according to her denial letter). She first put in a claim for disability 2 years ago when she finally got to the point where she could no longer work, which they denied. She got a lawyer and appealed the denial over a year ago. We're just waiting for a date for a hearing. Luckily she did qualify for Medicaid, so she has that at least. But food stamps, only $7 a month. There is 1 food bank that I know of here (very rural area), so if it gets to that point I will have to go there. Thanks for your reply.
My heart goes out to you. - me
[ In Reply To ..]You situation sounds so frustrating. I have a couple of ideas and hopefully some others will add some too. I wonder if your mom could get food from a local food bank to help lower your grocery bill. Where I live there are some run by churches and some run by individual towns. If you can't afford a trip, maybe you could take a getaway to your local library to read some inspiring books or self-help books. Is there a park nearby where you could just sit and enjoy nature? You might feel stuck right now, but life is always changing and if you trust that the universe (or God, whatever you believe in) will take care of you, it will.
I love to read.. - OP
[ In Reply To ..]I love to read, I just haven't done much reading in the past few years. Maybe that is something I can make time to do. To relax. Get away for a bit. Thank you :)
I'm not religious, but I think everything happens for a reason. I would just like to know the reason for my situation.. soon would be nice.
Hi - me too
[ In Reply To ..]You're not alone. I'm swimming in the same pool with you. Every time my husband sees a doctor, it seems like they tell us he needs more tests & those tests lead to more doctors to see, more time off work, more long-term problems. It's been like this for many years, but he's running out of places in his body to have more trouble. He may be out of work permanently soon. I work 2 jobs regularly, a 3rd job on-call, and have taken on a 4th job today that's just temporary but good money. We've decided to move... sell whatever we can, sell the house, and leave here. The bills are too much & there's no hope of ever paying them off. Moving will take off a lot of pressure. Two of the jobs will go with me & it will be enough. I don't know if moving is an option for you. Maybe, maybe not. But it sounds like it's time for you to look at ALL the options open to you & see what might work. If you're at the bottom, your choice is to come back up for air or go sideways & see if that direction leads you to something that allows you to feel like hope isn't gone. Get some rest... as hard as that probably is, your mind needs the break. It takes me almost 2 hours to fall asleep sometimes, but sleep does eventually happen. Maybe something can be sold, maybe something doesn't truly need to be bought, maybe the light bill can go down just a little. I'm sure you've already thought about all that. Hang onto hope. Any effort you make is worth it. Don't give up. Maybe your mom has some ideas.
To me too.. - OP
[ In Reply To ..]I wish moving was an option for me, unfortunately it is not at this time. It takes me quite a while to fall asleep too. Just toss and turn until I eventually fall asleep. I have sold a few things, trying to sell more. Wish I had more things that were worth selling. We have cut way back on electricity use, prepaid cell phone for emergencies only, etc. It just isn't enough. But everything will work out in the end. I've come back for more air and I'm just floating around now, I guess.
It sounds like you and your husband are in a pretty rough spot too. I hope it lightens up a bit for you all. Remember you are not alone either.
Thanks :)
OP - me too
[ In Reply To ..]We'll be ok, just a matter of how & when. We've been together about 30 years & have weathered storms of all kinds. I'm sure we'll weather this one too. Sometimes, I'm just fine & can tackle anything. Other days, I just feel overwhelmed & wonder why somebody can't tell me "It'll be ok" & have it be true. As long as I keep bouncing between the 2 extremes, it means I'm not down permanently. Once we get moved, it'll be ok. Having a cheaper house payment will mean we can put bigger chunks on the other bills that keep growing at the moment. ... I hope a solution presents itself for you, either in your dreams, in the mail, at the door, somehow, something to make some of that pressure fall off of you. It's hard to manage under constant stress. Keep looking for options. Maybe bartering could help. I've traded my time & knowledge for the use of somebody's car when mine broke down, did pet sitting for somebody to mow the lawn last month when hubby couldn't (not an option for me either). I've done sewing for a dentist to knock money off a dental bill. When a friend was selling their beautiful dining table & chairs, I bought it with time & labor ... their son was moving out of state & I helped get him packed & truck loaded. We haven't had a table in probably 10 years, now we do. I've had a great time doing these things. The pet sitting is entirely fun... ever play with somebody else's cats??? Hilarious! The people don't worry when they're out of town & you have a blast... win/win. I really wish I could do that for a career.
This should not happen to MTs or anyone else - anonie
[ In Reply To ..]Why is it that illegals and everyone else and his brother can get what they need given to them by our government, but we are the ones suffering.
I am having financial problems but did get help on my electric bill. Have my name in for a one-bedroom apartment hopefully that will come up soon. I am second on the list. I just hope I can get one and get moved in. I think I probably will stay there till I am gone.
I also got a refund of money from my state because of not declaring the amount I am paying for my supplemental insurance.
Does your state have any kind of insurance available for people in your situation.
Does your mother have insurance. I am assuming maybe she does, Medicare maybe.
I would try for food stamps. They say it is getting easier to get on them all the time. Anything to cut down on the bills would sure help you. Try the suggestions made by all here and please don't give up. This is a horrible time and stressful for you.
It may help just to take a walk every day. That at least gets you out of the house. Do you have any pets at all. I wish I could have one but they are too expensive, extra rent for them and vet bills.
Please let us know how you are doing and if there is any way in the world we could help you more. My prayers are with you. You are a real good daughter to help your mother. I helped mine as much as I could and she stayed out on her own till she had a devastating stroke at 87 and had to give up her home. She then was in a nursing home till she died at 91.
Take good care of you please. We only have 20 months left of Obama and I do hope that we get a good president this time.
I only have insurance because of OBAMA - wheres_my_job
[ In Reply To ..]I'm not happy about the new trade bill, I think it will end up with tens of thousands of more people losing their jobs. But the insurance has made a huge difference in my life, I feel like I can come up for air, at least a little bit, and have a little bit of hope for the future.
I'm sure any Republican president will want to destroy that little bit of hope I have. That's what they do. They're Republicans. Obama was a HUGE disappointment to liberals, me included. Bipartisanship - yeah, right.
I and millions of other DON'T have insurance - because of OBAMA.
[ In Reply To ..]nm
What's the specifics of your situation? - wheres_my_job
[ In Reply To ..]Or if you have a news article to link to, so we can tell if it's just Obama hatred or the truth, thanks.
This has nothing to do with illegals or Obamacare.. - It has everything to do with our -
[ In Reply To ..]government being nothing but puppets of giant, greedy corporations that want ever-larger amounts of money to line their pockets, at the expense of just letting regular working people just "sink or swim". Unfortunately the deck is stacked against most of us, so that ever-larger numbers of us can no longer swim. Jobs harder to find, wages going down, requirements to get those jobs going up, with more and more competition from recent college grads.
Healthcare should be a right for everyone, not just the well-to-do. Someone like her mother, who has worked, but who can no longer do so, should be allowed to live the rest of her life with good medical care, enough food to eat, and a roof over her head.
Caregivers like the OP should not simply be allowed to fall through the cracks when it comes to their own healthcare, bills, time off, etc. Multiply the OP's problems by millions, and this country has a big problem on its hands already, and it's only going to get worse as we Boomers keep aging.
Yes you can get health insurance - wheres_my_job
[ In Reply To ..]You are in a household, and you provide food for your household as well as pay the bills. Maybe you could claim your mom on income tax next year, not sure, but you could check into it.
But definitely in your situation, when you are providing for others, you WILL qualify for health insurance, and I'm pretty sure it will pay for a number of therapy visits per year.
You should absolutely call or go online to apply for Obamacare.
Good luck.
I tried getting insurance.. - OP
[ In Reply To ..]I tried getting insurance through Obamacare this year. Didn't qualify for medicaid. Since "affordable" insurance is offered through my employer, I didn't qualify for any assistance through the Marketplace. I absolutely cannot do $300+ monthly premiums plus the deductibles through the online Marketplace. The monthly premiums through my employer are reasonable, it's the deductible that I absolutely cannot do.
When they created Obamacare, they planned on the single 30-somethings with no kids like me to pay for it. But not all 30-somethings are rolling in $$$ to give away to them.
How much are you making a month? - wheres_my_job
[ In Reply To ..]Did the calculator take into consideration you are providing for another person also? You are providing for your mother, you have a two-person household.
Bad advice - because of OBAMA
[ In Reply To ..]You don't know if she will qualify for health insurance. Obamacare is not a cure. Many people still cannot afford the health insurance.
Let her contact some professionals who actually know what is going on. They will be able to guide her in the right direction.
She's in a 2-person household, one on disability - wheres_my_job
[ In Reply To ..]I filled out all the Obamacare questions, so I know what they ask. Just as millions of other people know as well.
In same thread, person single, laid off, got - Obamacare at no cost
[ In Reply To ..]This is a person who I think had a well paying job, trucking company, laid off and applied and told me it cost $00.00 for her for the insurance. Worth a try and especially since the OP has 2 people she is trying to take care of.
Have you tried Amazon Mechanical Turk? - wheres_my_job
[ In Reply To ..]You can do surveys and make an extra 10 bucks a week, easy.
That's 40 more dollars a month, for taking surveys - your MOM could probably do the surveys as well! And rake in more money!
It's not going to be a ton of money, but if you are desperate, $10-20 a week is going to make a big difference.
Give it a try.
Mechanical Turk.. - OP
[ In Reply To ..]I have not even heard of Amazon Mechanical Turk. I will definitely look into it, though. Thanks!!
You can make 70/week selling plasma. - nm
[ In Reply To ..]nm
I've looked at mechanical turk. You make 2 to 5 cents - 10 cents or more for doing a task
[ In Reply To ..]Think that is worse than MT pay.
I would try your employment agency. Unfortunately because of what is going on with the economy unemployment has skyrocketed with more than one third of the country unemployed.
I'm in the same situation you are. Sole supporter of a family. It's tough. I would try your employment agency. Also look at the websites Indeed, Monster.com and there is a site called rat race rebellion. Legit jobs there.
To Drowning - Moi
[ In Reply To ..]Do you have an extra bedroom? If so, you could rent out a room to a boarder. My aunt did this for 300 dollars a month to a lady who worked and was gone a lot. Sometimes the lady baked goodies and chipped in on groceries. It helped her a lot.
Extra bedroom.. - OP
[ In Reply To ..]We don't have an extra bedroom, so that isn't an option. Thanks for that suggestion, though! Appreciate it.
I'm so sorry. When you are trying to get assistance sm - acuteMLS
[ In Reply To ..](and please do try) from food stamps or Medicaid, please remember you are a TWO-PERSON HOUSEHOLD.
I feel sure your income is so low you should be getting some sort of benefits.
The last time I applied for assistance - OP
[ In Reply To ..]We qualified for $7 a month in food stamps. I spent more than that in gas to go to the Social Services to apply for food stamps. $7 is better than nothing.. but not worth it to me.
Thanks ya'll for... - OP
[ In Reply To ..]Hey everyone, thanks for the replies, advice, sympathy, understanding and giving me some hope. It's really appreciated. I'm feeling a bit better today after reading everything you all wrote. I know things will get better, it just doesn't seem like it ever will. But I will still keep trying, like I always do. Thanks again.
You make a good point - Me, Too
[ In Reply To ..]I, too fall into the same category; single, but making too much (not much above the income limit) for any help at all. Being single doesn't always mean living is cheaper. Everything falls on one paycheck. I always fell between the cracks. I am wishing the very best for you. I hope things turn around for you before long. You are a strong person. Your mother is blessed to have a daughter like you.
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