Talent, skill, and compliments

I've got this situation roiling around in my head, and would be interested to hear others' thoughts. Talent is a gift from God. Either you have the gift, or you don't. Skill is attained by locking yourself in a closet (figuratively speaking) and working at it until your eyeballs fall out and your fingers won't move anymore. (Or whatever body parts apply to the particular skill in question.) I have a talent for music. I have achieved some level of skill by spending countless hours in that closet, over many years, not to mention lessons, classes, playing in ensembles, etc. I am no stranger to hard work, nor am I a stranger to performing. In the last couple of months, I've been given the opportunity to use my talent (backed up by those hard-won skills) in my church's worship team a couple of times. The most recent time, just a few minutes before the service began, another song was added to the set list--a song I didn't know well and had no opportunity to rehearse. So I took a deep breath, said yet another little prayer, and I winged it. Made up a part right on the spot, and it worked. Glory to God. I made myself available, talent and skills (and instrument) in hand, and afterwards, many people sought me out to compliment me, including some of the other musicians. Anyone who is a performer knows the adrenalin high that comes after a successful performance. I do try to keep it all in perspective; I know I've worked very, very hard to get to this skill level, and the talent, again, is a gift, which I was given an opportunity to use. I am not a glory-hound, I don't want a spotlight on me, I do exactly what the music director tells me to do, but on the other hand I know what I can do, musically, and it's a tremendous rush when you get an opportunity to put everything you know on the line, in public, and you succeed. So the next time I got an e-mail from the director, concerning rehearsals for the Christmas program, I responded--and as an afterthought, mentioned that I had gotten a lot of compliments on my part in the winged-it song, and I'd love to do some more upbeat songs like that, given the opportunity. (So far, I've only been allowed to play on the slower songs.) I guess I wasn't supposed to notice the compliments. (Hard to do when somebody's right in your face telling you how good it sounded.) And I guess I wasn't supposed to mention how much I enjoyed playing the more upbeat tune. (It was thrown into the set list at the last minute, literally, at the pastor's request, and I was handed a copy of the chord chart along with everyone else, so it wasn't as if I was asked to step off the stage before the song.) So imagine my surprise and dismay when I was issued quite a verbal spanking by the music director. Apparently my "heart to humbly serve" or something like that is in question, as is my willingness to follow his leadership. Just because I said I had a good time playing that song and got a lot of compliments, and wanted to play more songs like that? Excuse me? I've done every single thing he's asked of me, no more, no less, and he himself has praised my playing more than once. And here I had thought it was the highest of compliments that I was trusted enough to just jump in and go for it, lack of rehearsal notwithstanding. I took the spanking "like a man," even though I'm female (although I was mostly just in dumbfounded silence, because I had NO idea it was coming), and since then, I have pulled up my big girl panties and resisted the temptation to try to argue or explain myself. No, I haven't been kicked off the team, but I am now afraid to open my mouth at all, especially with anything that even hints at a "suggestion," such as whether I should try for a harmony or a counter-melody, or just hang out on a whole note or three. So this brings us back to the talent versus skill issue. I take no credit for my talent. I do take at least SOME credit for my skill, doggone it, because I was the one who did all that hard work to develop my talent and practiced until my fingers wouldn't move, and then did it all over again the next day. Again I try to keep it all in perspective, try to be humble, I just smile and say thank you when I get compliments, and try not to get a swelled head. I think I have a pretty realistic idea of just what my skill level is and I don't think I'm better than I am--but I am actually pretty good. Am I allowed to even think that?? (I am also my own harshest critic and can point out every tiny little mistake I make.) I guess I should also clarify that there is NO sheet music of any kind; just chord and lyric charts, so I have to make up all of my parts anyway. But this usually begins at mid-week rehearsal, which I record, and then further refine my parts by practicing with the recording, so by Sunday morning I have some idea of what I'm doing and how it fits in with what the other musicians are doing. The part I made up on the spot that day was quite similar in style to my usual parts, and in fact a little more anemic, since I didn't have time to refine and tweak it. And STILL the congregation loved it; at least, the members that talked to me afterwards did, and I was specifically complimented on THAT song. Go figure. If you've read this far, thanks for your time. I'd be interested in hearing any thoughts anyone might have.