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Church Greeters Stationed At Southern Border To - Deter Immigrants (Satire)

Posted: Jan 12th, 2019 - 12:25 pm

TEXAS—In an innovative new plan to deter illegal immigrants from crossing into our country, church greeters are being stationed along the border, smiling and stretching out their hands to cheerily greet anyone who approaches.

The excitable, impossibly peppy greeters will chase down Mexican immigrants in order to shake their hand, welcome them to the country, and give them a bulletin and church swag, inevitably prompting the frightened immigrants to run away as fast as they can. "Welcome to America, we're so glad to have you with us this morning. How has your week been?" they'll recite dutifully to each approaching immigrant before the frightened travelers run away in a serpentine pattern.

"Studies have shown that overzealous church greeters can prevent illegal crossings 422% more effectively than a traditional, solid barrier," said a US Border Patrol agent. "When illegal aliens see the happy church volunteers trying to chase them down and ask about their week, they're sure to flee many miles away so their personal space isn't violated by the notoriously extroverted church staffers again."

The plan will reportedly also include stations with extremely watered-down coffee to discourage the immigrants from entering any further.

LINK/URL: Church Greeters Stationed At Southern Border To

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Church Greeters Stationed At Southern Border To - Deter Immigrants (Satire) (Views: 653, 2019-01-12, 12:25 pm)
- This is a filthy, piggish attempt at satire and would probably be defined by - that site as hate speech were it (Views: 201, 2019-01-12, 7:53 pm)
  - This is humor aimed at church members. You know what is - filthy and piggish? Ana Navarro (Views: 119, 2019-01-13, 3:53 am)
- This is funny. Jerry Seinfeld is right, comedy is dead. - nm (Views: 130, 2019-01-13, 1:28 am)
  - Snopes actuallyfact checked Babylon Bee for mocking - CNN, not realizing it was a satire (Views: 116, 2019-01-13, 1:48 am)
  - We used to joke about Indiana docs saying "womiting" - for vomiting back in the day. Even (Views: 143, 2019-01-13, 6:04 am)
    - Indian, not Indiana. - Laughing at myself! (Views: 101, 2019-01-13, 6:05 am)
- People with no sense of humor don't even realize Babylon - Bee is making fun of its own (Views: 130, 2019-01-13, 1:38 am)
- People are so eager to be offended now, they don't even - realize this humor is aimed at church (Views: 123, 2019-01-13, 3:50 am)
- This is funny. They should have mentioned the dreaded - "Visitors Collection Envelope." (Views: 105, 2019-01-13, 5:33 am)
- Hysterical. Cause sometimes satire isn't satire. - (that's what makes it funny, (Views: 139, 2019-01-13, 7:49 am)
- That would work on me. - BlessedBeTheFrootLoops (Views: 130, 2019-01-14, 12:37 pm)
  - I didn't think it was a joke - Judy (Views: 103, 2019-01-14, 2:54 pm)