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new culture/old obligations

Posted: Mar 9, 2012

My niece has been living with her boyfriend for two or three years. They even bought a modest house together. She is 22 years old and she is getting ready to graduate from college so I guess she thinks now is a good time to get married, when she graduates in May. I wish her all the best, and I love her, but why do people do this -- make a home with someone, then years later register for people to buy them presents? They started their life together when they moved in together and I'm sure their house is fully furnished. Am I the only one who think it's rude and presumptuous?

;

my perspective - Ayn

[ In Reply To ..]
I don't think it's necessarily rude. Fist off, if she and/or they are college students, their home may be "fully furnished" but most likely with hand-me-downs, used, and sale items. I wouldn't begrude them some new things as they "officially" start their life together. Just because they have lived together would you not buy them a gift at all? What about couples who are older and going into a 2nd marriage or even just older and both had established homes of their own prior to the marriage -- would you still buy that couple a wedding gift?

If you, like most of their guests, are going to buy them a gift regardless of their prior living situation, why not register and at least give people a suggestion of the things they want/need?

I always take a gift registry as a suggestion anyway -- I purchase a gift I can afford that I want to give whether it is on a wish list or not.

If you don't want to send a gift - Carrie

[ In Reply To ..]
then don't send a gift. Just send a card to congratulate them.

Registration for gifts is not a command to anyone to purchase them. You don't have to buy anything if you don't want to.

I don't see the point in registering period - sm - XXX

[ In Reply To ..]
My DH had his own home when we met/married (I was still living with parents as I could not afford anything else, though was looking at apts./houses when I met him, tho would not have been able to buy anything w/o my dad helping). We did not register anywhere when we got married (my first, his second), no wedding shower either, look at these as gift grabs. We had a small wedding (about 50) and half gave us money, the other half household/kitchen things, pots/pans, bath towels, toaster, toaster oven, pasta maker, tea maker, etc., we used everything we got but one thing which was a hideous crystal tray, and exchanged it for a really nice roasting pan (anyone who has priced out those knows they are pretty pricy). Every kitchen thing we received ended up being something we (he) did not have in house.

I am sure they don't have everything they want/need and that is where the registry comes in. But I say just take what you get and if you don't like something return it for store credit. It seems to me that people go hog wild on registries and ask for the most absurd and expensive items, granted everyone doesn't but geez a lot sure do. I have never bought anything anyone wanted off a registry, if they don't like what I got them then they have the preogative to return and exchange it.

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