A community of 30,000 US Transcriptionist serving Medical Transcription Industry

bullying concern..what would you do

Posted: Oct 3, 2011

We moved to a new town July 1. My 11 year old son immediately made a "friend" with a 10-year-old boy down the street, or so I thought. Within 2 weeks there was a problem. I yelled for my son to come home and the boy didn't want him to leave so started calling him names and when my son told him that he would be in trouble if he didn't come on home (which of course is true), the boy grabbed my son by the shoulders and threw him down. My son, who is not aggressive, got up and told the boy he was going home. Since that day (this has been now almost 3 months ago), when my son is playing anywhere not in our yard or this boy's yard (my son will play with the bully's younger brother), the boy will pick fights. On 4 separate occasions, he has punched my son in the face, knocked hiim down on the ground, kicked him in the stomach, and grabbed him by the shoulders and pull him down again. My son has tried to retaliate by punching this boy and apparently has hit him a couple of times, but this situation is not getting any better. This boy is making it where my son cannot try to become friends with the other kids in the neighborhood because they were his friends first and he doesn't want my son anywhere around them...so this is another reason for the fights.

The mom and stepdad of the other boy forced hiim to apologize to my son, so now if my son is in his yard playing with his younger brother, the boy won't do anything, he makes sure it is somewhere away from parents' eyes. He won't step foot onto our property because my son has told him he will beat the crap out of him if he comes into our yard (not my idea...his only).

My sister was killled years ago in a school shooting due to a boy that was bullied retaliating so this situation is really tearing me up. I would hope my child would not get to that point, this is 1 boy, not a group of kids and he and I have a very open line of communication, unlike the boy who kiilled my sister did with his parents, but because I have always taught him to turn the other cheek, now I have a child who doesn't know how to defend himself. OHHHHH Please help. I enrolled him in TaeKwonDo last week to hopefully help later on with self defense, but what do we do in the meantime??? His parents are not going to be able to help anymore than they already have, he doesn't do anything in their presence or if he even thinks they might be watching. Thanks for any advice.

;

bully - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
I do hate a bully. Always have! I have a 20yo son who when he was about 11 or 12 was walking home from school with another kid. They got along fine. The third kid was a year older and had a 9-mm handgun that he was putting to my son's friend's head. This wasn't my kid who it was being done to but I didn't care. I marched over to this kids house to look for his parents. He opened his garage door in a full black hoodie, holding this 9-mm. As soon as he saw me he closed the door. I immediately called the school in the morning and called the police. The police went over and it turned out to be a 9-mm look alike BB gun. Police told the parents it was so life like that if he had pointed it at them they would have shot him. The very next day I went to wait for my son and his friend to walk home. I waited on a picnic table across the street at another school. I didn't walk with the boys, but made it very obvious I was there and following them home. The third boy yelled alot of stupid stuff and of course told his parents that I followed him. THEN I receive a phone call from the third boys parents - how they were a good Christain family and being a single parent I oculdn't possibly being doing as well with my child. That did it. The tirade began. Needless to say, I never had an inch of trouble with this kid after telling the parents my "thoughts" and that I would follow him anytime and anywhere I wanted to. If it helps any, all of my son's and now my 10yo daughter's friends are afraid of me. Not in a bad way. They still come over and hang out and stuff, but they don't get out of line with me ever. My son had a friend in High school that when they had a fight told my son he was going to come over an beat him up. My son told him "my mom won't out up with that" LOL. Problem ended right then. My suggestion is get involved as much as you can. There is nothing wrong with the younger generation having a fear of the older one. You don't have to touch him. Just make sure he is aware that you are going to do whatever you have to in order to make this stop. I wouldn't care if he thought you were going to hit him. Of course, you can't, but I wouldn't care if he thought I would. I was bullied mercilessly growing up and I won't take this kind of crap from any kid. If they want to be a bully they had better pick on another kid instead of mine or I absolutely would make this kid's life miserable. This is JMO and I am certainly not advocating you touch this kid at ALL. But there is more you can do to make it difficult and uncomfortable for him.

bully - ME

[ In Reply To ..]
I am so sorry your son has to go through this and you feel a bit helpless as to what to do. Have you called the police or talked to a detective or something to find out what you should do about this? I would think his parents should take more action on disciplining him. Maybe ask the police or juvenile hall if they have a scared straight program, because if his parents cared enough about their kid they would want him not to be a bully. Something is very wrong with that child.

bully - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
Truthfully, something is really wrong with the kid's parents! People nowadays forget that kids don't run the show! Chances are this kid beats up on his brother as well or there may be some abuse going on at home. You can't fix what's going on aat home unfortunately. If the kid acts right, I would allow him to come over to your house to play. Always be kind to him at your house, but put up with absolutely no BS. He could be starved for someone to pay attention to him, but going about it the wrong way. He learned this somewhere or felt the need to be this way. Regardless, I would get the police involved, I would try to talk again to the parents, but I would put up with absolutely nothing out of this kid. Remember this kid does not run the show here, you do!

technology is wonderful these days - Advocate Hidden Video

[ In Reply To ..]
Video cameras are on cell phones, watches, the tip of a writing pen, the list goes on. Find out the laws in your state and exercise your right to live a peaceful life through hidden cameras.

It sounds to me as if this child's parents did everything - in their power to stop this. What I

[ In Reply To ..]
would do is go back to the parents and tell them that it is still happening. He is not doing it where they can see, so they might not realize it is still going on. The first time that you told them, they made moves to make it stop. I really think that people overreact sometimes by calling the police and forget that these are children. I really do hope that you take care of this problem!

I agree... - KiKi

[ In Reply To ..]
wholeheartedly with anon. Get involved and stay involved. Once kids know that a parent isn't going to put up with this, they back down. If this boy realizes he has even an inch, he will continue to make your son's life miserable. His parents are probably pushovers even though they are doing what they kind. My kids never bullied and would have been in BIG trouble if I or my husband had ever heard about it or seen it. On the other hand, no one bullied them. Our daughter would put a knot any anybody's head who tried to bully her and our sons didn't put up with anything either. We had pretty scrappy kids but they also knew to respect other kids and especially adults. Bullying was not allowed in our house.

Take the time to follow your son around, even if it bothers him. If the bully sees your son has this kind of support, I think he'll change his tune. I was a mama bear. You hurt my child and you will pay somehow. Good luck to you. I hope your son can be rid of this problem. I know my kids would be punished if they ever treated someone this way.

I agree with all of the above tactics, with police as a last resort. - This is what I did.

[ In Reply To ..]
I hate to admit this but here goes. There was a bully boy that lived up the street, always picking on the younger kids. He and my oldest daughter were the same age. When she was trying to learn to ride a bike, she fell in the cul-de-sac in front of his house. He and his friends were riding their bikes in a circle around her and spitting on her. She sat there crying, and when I ran to get her, I screamed at him and told him he should be ashamed of himself. Evidently, his mother heard about it and did not like it. The next day she is pushing her bike home and he rides by on his and kicks her. She comes home crying. I went to his house to speak with his mother and told her what had been happening. Her response was, "I think you need to let these kids work things out on their own." My husband was so angry!!! He taught both of our girls how to defend themselves, and to even use a stick if necessary.

Sure enough, the bully up the street gets her down on the ground, sitting on top of her, spitting in her face and laughing at her while she is crying. My younger daughter gets a stick and really starts letting him have it. When he gets off of the oldest daughter to go after the younger one, they both have sticks and go after him. He is screaming, crying and cussing. Of course his mother marches down to my house with him (crying and cussing). She was hot. My response to her, "You would not do anything about this when it was my child being hurt. You said I needed to let the kids work this out, so my husband taught them how." I also warned her that if he came after them again, the same thing was going to happen as well. From now on, if necessary, my girls had my permission to defend themselves against them. If she did not like it, she needed to teach her son to behave.

I hate to admit to the above, I really do. My girls were never aggressive toward anyone else. They hardly ever hit each other. I do have to say, this boy kept his distance and never picked on them again.

I agree - dmz

[ In Reply To ..]
We always told our kids - don't start it but finish it. Bullies will continue their tactics if not challenged. I just came back from the wake of an 18-year-old male who just graduated high school and killed himself because of bullying. This is happening more and more if you read the papers. Something needs to be done and parents need to get involved and if all else fails, I agree the police are a last resort - if a kid is charged with injuring someone and gets taken in for "questioning" it might make an impact on them if they're young enough to be terrified in an officer's presence. JMO.

Original poster....UPDATE - concerned mom

[ In Reply To ..]
Today I had had enough when I found out the boy pushed my child from behind and in pushing him so hard his glasses flew off and then my son couldn't find his glasses. After some searching in the area and not able to find them, (which was in a neighbors yard behind the boy's house), I asked the parents if they had a metal detector to help find them. They had no idea what had happened and were mortified so they quickly put their shoes on to help find them (they were found of course). After they were found I had a heart-to-heart with them wanting to know their knowledge of the situation and what their intentions were. They said that their boy has been being bullied by another boy in our same neighborhood and they have talked with him about how it feels. They also told me that they talked with him that bullying would not be tolerated and told my son that if their son continued to let the stepdad know and they would continue trying to remedy the situation. We all are in the same understanding, this will not be tolerated by either boy (my son included) and I feel they are trying to do what they can with whatever knowledge they get about what is going on. I feel better knowing that they say they will not tolerate it. I did tell them, though, that if this continued that Brett had our permission if this boy started anything, he could finish it and if this boy came home with a black eye, that my son was probably to blame because of being instructed that he is not allowed to start anything, but he was given permission to finish it. Not sure if my son has the guts to do it, but will see. Thanks for all the great advice. I am taking all of it into consideration for future reference. Let's see what happens over the next couple of weeks.

Similar Messages:

Nov 11, 2009
I called mother to check on her this morning, pretty much like I always do, but especially because she was not feeling well yesterday, when she was extremely fatigued and cold not feeling like her normal self. Monday I had taken her to the doc for a check up and he started her on Cirpro, one-half tab every morning as preventative treatment for UTI. What's concerning is when I called her today she was relieved that I called because she has been unable to call anyone because she has fo ...

Apr 09, 2010
Do you think people use the anonymity of hiding behind the computer screen as an excuse to get away with bullying others? Do you think they would have the nerve to do such a thing in a face to face meeting? I'm curious. Oh and I'm talking about adult bullying. I know there have been cases on FB and other such sites where teens have been bullied to the point of suicide which is horrible. Do you think adult bullying can have a similar affect if the person they are bullying is already hav ...

Mar 16, 2010
Your children are at risk and are putting our children who have not reached the age to have had all their vaccinations at risk. You realize the only reason you have a reasonable expectation of your children not dying from a preventable disease is because of those of us who have our children vaccinated don't you? Probably not. You would fit in much better in a third world country where vaccinations and routine health care aren't readily available since you do not believe in them a ...

Nov 17, 2016
I don't know how liberals llive with themselves. Honestly, I don't. Not because of their positions, but because their positions make no sense. Start anywhere you like with the so-called "liberal agenda" and you'll find staggering contradictions. So, for instance, the very people who have done the most to destroy the value of family in society offer "the family" as one of their main emotional arguments with respect to illegal immigration. Yes, I said it - ...

Oct 20, 2016
Now Podesta knows how the rest of us feel about Hillary! ...