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Some insight from somone else
Posted: Feb 7, 2010
Ok, I am wondering if I am feeling gloomy for no reason or what? I feel left out. First of all, we live in South MS. My husband is beside himself because of the Saints going to the superbowl, which is understandable of course. Lots of folks around here are. The thing that makes me feel left out is that he wants to celebrate the Saints going to the superbowl, but I am not included. He is an OTR truckdriver. He is gone a lot. A good friend of his has a good friend who is having a superbowl party, beer, whiskey, food, etc. They live on the river in Louisiana. My husband said he was going to the guy's house today and tomorrow. The superbowl party starts today (Saturday) and continues until Sunday. Well, my husband said he would come home, he wasn't spending the night there. The thing is, he and his friend are going, and I wasn't even asked to go. It kind of hurt my feelings. I feel left out. It isn't that I am just dying to go, because I am not. I have never even met the guy who is having the superbowl party, don't know him at all. I just feel left out. I haven't been asked to go Sunday either. I feel like he wants to be with his friend (who isn't married) and since the friend doesn't have a wife or girlfriend to bring then my husband wants to leave me behind. My mom said she thought it was kind of selfish of him to not want to spend time with his family or at least take me along. He has to leave again Monday. It is superbowl weekend and maybe I am overreacting, but I feel left out. Is it wrong of me to think he should include me or ask me to go or is this a guy thing?
;
It would hurt my feelings more if - Homebody
[ In Reply To ..]hubs asked and then thought I should go to a Superbowl party with him. I can think of so many things I would rather do. He by the way OTR driver, like yours. We have time together when he is home but I would rather sit and watch the grasss grow than have to attend a party or watch the game either one.
Me and you are alike in the fact I am a homebody too... - MSgirl
[ In Reply To ..]It isn't that I WANT to go. By all means, I do not. I just feel like he doesn't want me to go though. If he had asked and I said well I really don't think I wanna go, then I would be happy for him to go. I just wished I'd been asked so I had the opportunity to if I wanted. He and his friend are just so psyched up, and I just feel like what about me. I guess another thing that makes me feel bad is my husband's twin brother is also an OTR truckdriver, and he declined to go with them because he wants to stay home and watch the game with his wife and cook at home. I guess I am just wishing my husband wanted to spend time with me like that.
honey, try 20 years of your anniversary on SB weekend - and then I will listen to your complaints
[ In Reply To ..]there are sometimes that men will be men and need their caves, and you will need your HRT and some understanding. It is all give and take. Pick your battles wisely.
Are you a football fan? - Coltsfan
[ In Reply To ..]I'm kind of wondering if you enjoy watching football. We are huge football fans in my family. It really does drive me crazy to be watching the game with someone who doesn't like football and would like to chat during the game. If you're not, your hubby probably isn't leaving you out intentionally but he's so excited about the game and knows you wouldn't enjoy it. Another thing, if it is mostly guys at the party, I've been to a couple of those Super Bowl parties, TRUST ME you don't want to be there. Maybe your husband is actually protecting you from it. Guys can still act like they're in the seventh grade when you get them all together!!! Never knew bodily functions were so darn funny!
I'm in Indiana and we're so excited about the game tomorrow. The last 2 weeks have been the longest! BTW, I almost feel guilty being a Colts fan. It's pretty cool to see the Saints fans so excited.
Hope you have a great day doing something you enjoy!
GO COLTS!!!! - just me
[ In Reply To ..]Okay, I'm not a big football person but I do root (sp?) for the Colts. I'm in New England, but I like the Colts (just saw one of the Colts Cheerleaders (and I think a Saints cheerleader) interviewed by O'Reilly. I myself missed the game. Didn't know it was on, but at least now I know why there was a big party across the street. LOL
I agree with you though that it's not a lot of fun for big football fans to watch a game with others that are not as excited as they are. I used to live in Bay area and went to a superbowl game party about 15 years ago. Everyone there was huge huge fans and I felt out of place (of course wasn't about to tell them I was rooting for the other team LOL). But they were all having a great time and that was fun to watch them.
Personally I would have enjoyed a day by myself or with my friends doing other things. I do not feel husbands should feel they need to ask their wives/partners whether or not they want to go to a game when they clearly know they would not enjoy it. My DH would just say to me... so in so is having a football party going on and I'm going to go to that, do you have something you can do during that time. I agree with you though. Her hubby is excited about the game (or was excited).
I'd take it as a big "YES" he's going to be gone and I can do whatever I want by myself or with my friends.
I'm with you...been there done that and trust me too. It is not fun if your not into it.
Can it be 20 years? Didn't the only switch it ten - sm -
[ In Reply To ..]or so years ago to 2 weeks after the last playoff game which decided which NFL and AFL teams would be in the Superbowl? It used to always be the last Sunday in January from what I remember (see below as this was not always the case), and now it is the first Sunday in February. So unless your anniversary moves about, it cannot have been Superbowl weekend for the last 20 years. ---- From what I can tell of this, is has only been 7 years since it was switched to the first Sunday in February.
Actually found this on-line: The game is played annually on a Sunday as the final game of the NFL Playoffs. Originally the game took place in early to mid-January, following a 14-game regular season and playoffs. Over the years, the date of the Super Bowl has progressed from the second Sunday in January, to the third, then the fourth Sunday in January; the game is now played on the first Sunday in February, given the current 17-week (16 games and one bye week) regular season and three rounds of playoffs. This progression of the date of the Super Bowl has been caused by the following: the expansion of the NFL regular season in 1978 from 14 games to 16, the expansion of the pre-Super Bowl playoff field from eight to twelve teams, necessitating the addition of a third round of playoffs (also in 1978), the addition of the regular season bye-week in the 1990s, and the decision prior to the 2003 season to start the regular season the week after Labor Day, moving the start of the season to a week later than it had been (in 1997, for example, the regular season started on Sunday, August 31). Former NFL commissioner Pete Rozelle is often considered the mastermind of both the merger and the Super Bowl. His leadership guided the two competitors into the merger agreement and cemented the preeminence of the Super Bowl.
P.S. If I am wrong, then I guess you should not have gotten married on Super Bowl Sunday.
yep, anniversary always last weekend in Jan - got divorced years ago
[ In Reply To ..]and the SB had nothing to do with the divorce. But, I will never forget we had to hurry up and leave our "honeymoon" suite to rush back to join friends for the Bowl party.
Two words -- Retail therapy - shopaholic
[ In Reply To ..]Okay that would be my solution, but let's talk about you. I couldn't tell from your post what you really want. And I can't tell and I'm a woman, I doubt DH can tell either.
Do you want to go? Yes or no. If yes, then tell him. Ask if it's a guys only thing or if he'd mind if you tagged along. It could be that DH has no clue you'd like to go or it could be guys only. You won't know if you don't ask.
If you don't want to go and you're upset about not spending time with him (understandable), then tell him. Ask him to go to lunch with you today before the big game or just spend a little time with you. Then this evening make plans to do something you enjoy. Maybe you can go to SIL's party?
Men are clueless. They have no clue unless you tell them. I've been married 15 years and it took me about 10 years to learn that. But I did learn it. I express myself and my wants clearly. Good luck and remember it is only 1 weekend. If he treats you good the rest of the time, then let him have this 1 weekend.
I agree with you about the retail therapy, great! - Homebody
[ In Reply To ..]I am not a football fan but even if I was, would not expect everyone else to join in and would not feel hurt by hubby wanting to go over to a friend's home and watch. I love movies, hubs falls asleep, even in Gladitor which I consider a man's movie and so that was the last time he got to go with me. I go by myself and love it, have no issue with that. I do not have to stick right underneath him to know he loves me and 1 night away means nothing to me. He comes back each time.
I don't think it would have bothered me.... - MSgirl
[ In Reply To ..]But be got home Thursday afternooon and as soon as he got home the friend came over and they went to the guy's house who is having the superbowl party. Then Friday the friend came back over. Then Saturday the friend came back over and they went to the guy's house again and stayed till late. Then Superbowl Sunday of course left this morning and will get back tonight. Tomorrow he leaves out again to work so I guess I felt like he shafted time with me for his buds. Believe me, I like to have time to myself and if it had been just today I wouldn't have cared the least, but it has been from Thursday til today, not wanting to spend time at home or with me. So, I feel shafted. I agree with time to oneself, but if I wanted to spend all weekend alone I wouldn't be married. I do that enough when he is gone on the road. I will express this to him later. Tonight he will have been drinking and it will be pointless to talk about anything then. If he had spent time with me this weekend and then today went and did his thing that would have been nothing. It is shafting me the whole time he was home that bothers me.
in answer to what I want... - MSgirl
[ In Reply To ..]In answer to what I wanted. Okay, I wanted to be invited to go along to know I was welcome, BUT I wouldn't have went because I didn't want to. I know that sounds weird. Also, if it had just been today, I wouldn't have even cared if he didn't ask me to go. It is because he was there all weekend and I wasn't asked to go even once. The guy is married with an infant so it isn't a bachelor pad or an all guy thing. I asked if his wife was gonna stay to watch and he said yes. I guess I feel like he didn't want to spend any time with me at all. In other words, it was being left out all weekend, not just superbowl day that bothered me and knowing other wives or girlfriends were brought along but I wasn't asked. I guess I am just weird that way.
I agree with you. He should have asked you if you want to come with him - sm
[ In Reply To ..]Maybe he did not ask because he knew all along that you would decline.
Is this a possibility to his defense?
If not, then me too would be sad and disappointed.
I bet you made yourself a nice weekend, though, isn't it?
Maybe your husband knows that you would not WANT to go. - again
[ In Reply To ..]You've admitted that you would NOT want to go as you don't even care for football. You have also admitted that you just wanted to be asked.
Okay, that being said, I think your husband, if he knows you at all, understands that. Why would he ask you to go do something with him when he knows darn well you're not interested?
I've been with my guy for a long time. We refer to things he loves that I do not as gun shows. We refer to things I love that he does not as hat shows. Please understand that these references have absolutely nothing to do with guns or hats. They're simply things we like to do that our mate does not. That happens in relationships. (Come to think of it, it's a GOOD thing that happens!)
A relationship isn't supposed to be the joining of two people who are exactly alike. Let hubby have his "gun show" now and again, and let you have your "hat show" once in a while. It's actually very good for the relationship, I think. You are not supposed to be joined at the hip.
Btw, I do like football and stood up and clapped tonite when the Saints won for the very first time that trophy! I honestly am happy there was no one near me who didn't like football.
LOVE the "gun show" vs "hat show" description! - nm - Zircon - ;)
[ In Reply To ..]
(I would make it "cat-show" instead of "hat show") - LOL - same thing! - Zircon
[ In Reply To ..].
Don't feel bad. It's just a "guy thing"... male bonding, and - all that. With all the - (sm)
[ In Reply To ..]booze that apparently is gonna flow at tht party, it sounds gross to me. Beer and testosterone. UGH!
If he did that all the time, of course, then I would have a problem with it. But I think sometimes the guys need to get their testosterone-fix without the wives around.
As long as he does spend time with his family when he can, I would let him do his "guy-thing" and not take it as being left out.
(I, personally, would rather have a root canal than have to spend a weekend with a buncha drunk, loud, belching, farting, football-crazed men!)
;D
It's normal to feel left out, because you were. - deb
[ In Reply To ..]Too bad you didn't know the wife with the baby, maybe you could have spent time with her and rescued her from the male bonding thing! (Although maybe she really likes football.) It was more than just a game this year, so I can understand all the excitement and turning it into a whole weekend. If you can calmly and rationally tell him how you feel, maybe he'll make it up to you next weekend. :)