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Tough call. - Sweets

Posted: Mar 17th, 2018 - 2:47 pm In Reply to: I need some advice. My son just confessed to me that his girlfriend - Anony

This is hard. I know that my first instinct would be to call CPS but please take a minute or two before placing that call. First, your son's confiding in you was important. He knows he is in over his head. Second, this GF of his is like many addicts, blaming everybody but herself, and your son is in deep denial that she has a problem. It's a recurring story of how addicts act after getting caught.

That said, however, you must act to protect those babies. First, you need to talk with your son ALONE. Convince him that he has to see a lawyer to get his parental rights explained. In my state, if a father is not married to the mother at the time of birth, he has no parental rights until he goes to court to get paternity declared even if on the birth certificate. You might offer to pay for the legal costs. It would be about $2,000 in my area. Once he gets his paternity established, then he will be in a stronger position.

Second, offer as forcefully as possible to babysit the kids full time while your son is at work. You can monitor the kids better if you become their daily caretaker.

Third, discuss with your son what his GF has said to you. At this point, you will need to explain that he could lose those kids to foster care. You don't want to report his GF to CPS but the children need to be protected. Don't threaten; just stay calm.

This is a very tough call on you as a mom and grandmother. Please don't just call CPS right away. Try to work with your son. I say this because my own sister in the 1980s had her two babies taken away for a whole year by her vindictive ex. He called and said she was on drugs when she was not. She was on pain meds because of a broken leg. It took parenting classes and doctor visits for a whole year to determine that she was not abusing pain meds. We NEVER got a call from CPS about taking those kids (also 1 and 2 at the time). We lived out of state, but my sister begged and begged me to come to take the kids. I traveled numerous times to her state to petition the courts for custody, but they said no, since I live out of state, the kids would be out of jurisdiction. My sister got her babies back and literally ran from the state to live with us to get back on her feet. CPS is a nightmare if you get caught up in it.

Another friend of mine took custody of her sister's four kids on a supposedly emergency basis for about a "month." She had them for three years. Her sister was in jail for drug possession. In our state, if a family does foster care, you don't get paid at all but the kids did get counseling and medical care. It was a nightmare for my friend, who had two of her own plus four more to support. It broke up her marriage. The sister gets out of jail, gets her kids back immediately, and gets on government assistance. My friend is bitter and angry about the whole situation. She took her nieces and nephews just to help out and feels like she got dumped on by CPS and her sister.

Please let us know how things go.

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