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"I point the finger at... gaming...that increasingly rewards


Posted: Dec 17, 2012

Excerpts from Washington Post article: The Newtown discussion necessarily sweeps in the

** news media, which give the killers a notoriety they couldn’t have achieved legitimately
**Hollywood, which markets spectacular make-believe violence
**The computer gaming industry, which profits from ultra-realistic shooting games that are bloodier than ever.

I point the finger unreservedly at the entertainment industry, which has spawned and cultivated gaming that by design is

**increasingly real,
**geared to action as the shooter’s point of view,
**increasingly dehumanizes victims, and
**increasingly rewards players by how many they kill,

said Michael Welner, a forensic psychiatrist and chairman of the Forensic Panel, who works on more than 20 homicide cases a year.

[ IMO, gun control is only part, perhaps the least part, of the action that we need to take. The way Mothers Against Drunk Driving changed societal attitudes at the household level toward drunk driving, so acceptance at the family level of outrageous levels of violence is required to meet this problem.

Those who are old enough will recall that MADD was a ground-level movement that occurred only after population growth and density increased rates of deaths from drunk drivers to levels that appalled us all. Before that, we smiled and shook our heads at friends who insisted on driving themselves home, but we let them go--and invited them back next time. The MADD movement made us all come to view it all as highly unrespectable. And we STOPPED TOLERATING AND ENABLING it.

As a society, we need to come to see routinely using high levels of violence to entertain ourselves and our children as extremely unacceptable behavior. We need to be shocked when we learn neighbors have violent games in their houses and let their children watch ultra violent movies on TV, to the point that we won't allow our children to visit such an environment. Only with such a change of attitudes within ourselves will we reverse this trend away from a civilized society.]

;

I blame a whole lot of things - sm

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The country, for people having to work 2 jobs, or both parents working and no one home to raise the kids, for the lack of jobs, the lack of religion, the lack of morals, the lack of respect.

These kids are not being taught properly because there is no one in the home to teach them. Schools and day cares are raising our children, or video games and television are raising our children.

What the hell happened to our planet?

Although only a small % ultimately murder, violent video - games increase the level of hostile

[ In Reply To ..]
and aggressive behavior teens display toward each other, documented in studies. This goes for girls too. The effect was seen after a "sustained period of playing violent games."

When I was in high school it was almost unthinkable for girls to get in a physical altercation or threaten each other physically. That would have been seen as really trashy behavior. The boys did occasionally, not often and virtually always in a controlled way, though, as in meeting after school. In a school with almost 2000 students, I don't recall ever seeing our vice principal bull his way down a hall to break up a fight.

I've seen this in my own video game addicted son - whose depression, I believe,

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is fed and thrives on that constant input. He has degenerated from a friendly, comical, gregarious, popular, well-liked, sweet, compassionate and highly social college student and young adult into a lonely, isolated, friendless, partnerless, embittered, unmotivated, abrasive, snippy, negative, dark and moody individual who stays holed up in his gloomy apartment with his cat (the only relationship that brings him joy), glued to the screen and mired in virtual anomie.

I'd like to tell myself that his former nonviolent, peaceful and spiritually evolved persona will win out in the end, but this tragedy has propelled me to formulate plans to launch a verbally passive campaign to address these issues, particularly in light of the history of mental illness in our family of bipolar disorder in my dad, my brother's suicide and my own problems with recurrent depression which, thankfully, has been successfully treated with therapy and medication maintenance.

I do not look forward to these encounters, as I know I will be subjected to his spontaneous denials, hostility and anger, but the potential consequences of doing nothing are far too dire to ponder. I can only hope there are others across the country who are heeding the same wake-up calls I am getting from the Sandy Hook tragedy.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. My son - had some rough teen years

[ In Reply To ..]
but grew out of them, with the help of the military which gave him structure when he wouldn't tolerate parenting but wasn't ready to be on his own. He did NOT have today's video game environment, or I'm sure he would have immersed himself in games when he was depressed.

Is there any way you could get him out doing something else now and then? Activity is a way to combat depression and, of course, isn't gaming. Go into dept if necessary paying for some activity a friend is into that he's wished for? I mention a friend because our son really liked dirt biking in the desert, but for some while he wouldn't do even that if it meant going with his dad.

BTW, he and his dad are good friends these days. Time and maturity, and survival of course, did great things.
I really appreciate these suggestions, as I find myself - at a loss knowing how to proceed.
[ In Reply To ..]
Skateboarding and biking was to my son what dirt biking was to yours, until he took a bad fall and broke his shoulder. That was a year or so ago, and he has cautiously resumed that activity in an infrequent and much less enthusiastic manner. He was really good at it, had won local competitions and traveled to view or participate in national events. However, there was a real down side to that which played itself out at the park nearest to his residence.

His dad is Middle Eastern, and my son's physical appearance and political perspectives reflect that. As a result, he became targeted by bullying bigots who, on many occasions, refused to allow him to peacefully enjoy his avid enthusiasm for his hobby. 9/11 was a strongly defining event in his life, and because of that environment, I doubt he will ever return to that "outlet" again.

One of the problems I try to be mindful of is the generation gap and parent-child divide that makes channeling input relatively tricky. On that front, it is not helpful that his dad's (my ex) parenting takes the form of what I consider to be unrealistically high expectations of him that smack of his dad's codependent need to see his son become a (professional) clone of himself, and to strive for accumulation of wealth as outwards signs of "value" and personal worth. This is NOT who my son is. His basic nature is humble and spiritual, and the interests that drive him both emotionally and intellectually do not gravitate toward those sorts of personal identification.

Last night I let my son know that Sandy Hook has thrust me into full "parental mode," a phrase we use between us whenever I migrate away from the "best friend and confidante" (his words, not mine) part of our adult relationship. I expressed my intent to address the subject of mental health within the context of this tragedy, with the disclaimer that I would not be in lecture mode aimed at him personally, and would be more interested in hearing his input on that general topic. I know he has concerns about the history of mental health in our fairly dysfunctional family, and fears about the inheritance factor with regard to my dad's bipolar disorder and protracted institutionalization and my brother's suicide. I am considering trying to initially avoid verbal exchanges and instead, just ask him if he would be willing to read some articles on those subjects, which I will be prepared to provide. It would be my hope he would be willing to bring that subject up with me on his own in future direct dialogues. I also have made an appointment with a therapist (unfortunately, not available until Feb 1), and will be trying to discuss this further with her.

Beyond that, I am remain open to any other suggestions that may be of help.
What you're going through is the hardest of the hard. - Just reading that brings so much back.
[ In Reply To ..]
It sounds like you are making big steps already. The February appointment is great.

Since I never did have the answers, just a couple of general thoughts come to mind. Tread gently over the holidays, maybe? They can churn up all kinds of emotional turmoil.

The other is that when it was my turn to have this problem it never occurred to me to look for a support group, and I really could have used talking with other parents with my problem. While you wait for your appointment, why not find a group of parents of troubled teens to share ideas and support with? Local and/or on line? Start out by using it to strengthen your own courage and your resolve, and to just plain make yourself feel better?

Best wishes, but time and nature are on your side, you know. Compared to adulthood, adolescence is a form of insanity for most kids, so you and your son are probably going to find growing up a wonderful liberation from all the angst and other problems of the high school years. We did.

While talking about his small son the other day, I joked at my son that my decades-empty lap was still available if he ever needed it, and he actually smiled at me and told me he'd keep that in mind. Like he liked the thought. Wow! :)
Great ideas. Will take them for a test drive. Thanks for the - encouragement and positivity. nm
[ In Reply To ..]
.

I think that... - xyz

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...realistic shooting games are probably a component in desensitization to violence. But people in other countries play these same games, and those countries don't have nearly the amount of gun deaths that we have here in the U.S.

Perhaps. But people are people. If a game increases - hostility here, it's doing it elsewhere. nm

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x

People are people, but cultures are cultures and - laws are laws, too.

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Examination of the differences between those elements of US and global perspectives could provide insight.
In other countries and cultures, kids still respect their parents, - backwards typist
[ In Reply To ..]
still follow rules the parents set out for them, and know the consequences if they break those rules.

In the U.S., besides the parents working so much, there is a lot more pressure for the kids to be the best of the best (or A+ perfection), to have more than one outside activity (usually a different after school activity 5 times a week), and as another poster stated, give these kids everything their little hearts desire to make up for not being there. Parents try to be their kids BFF instead of being the parent. Dr. Spock started it all back in the days. Included in this is the "no fault law" (my kid didn't do it).

But lately, have you noticed that even the parents are becoming violent at high school games by the PARENTS? What type of attitude/responsibility does that show the kids?

Yes, people are people... - xyz

[ In Reply To ..]
...and undoubtedly violent killing games lead to desensitization. The reason other countries don't have the high percentage of gun deaths we do here is because of stronger laws against guns. I'm not saying ban all guns, but a ban on assault weapons would be a good place to start. If that cuts into someone's target-shooting hobby, too bad...let's consider that human life is more important that your right to own an assault rifle.
You ignore so many facts. - about gun control.
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In 1982 Kennesaw, GA passed a law requiring one person from each household to own a gun with a few exceptions. Crime plummeted after that and they became known as a murder free town for 25 years. How many murders have been done with knives-so do we have tighter control on who can own a knife? Let us not forget that almost 10,000 fatalities in 2011 were the result of drunk driving, yet I don't hear people screaming for tighter laws or ban on alcohol and many of the very ones who want tighter gun laws have liquor cabinets in their homes. Do I think background checks and registration should be done? Yes, I do. but do I think we should ban them? No, no I don't. Banning the guns will not stop the criminal-hence, the word criminal-they don't go through legal means to get what they need-so the only person being hurt by tougher gun laws is the innocent victim who could have protected himself or others. Emotions need to be set aside and logic and facts need to be out on the forefront. Oh, and here is another angle-mind and mood altering meds that are so easily given out and patient's are not monitored. Don't believe me? Read this: http://ssristories.com/index.php
Forced gun ownership? - Get a grip, will ya?
[ In Reply To ..]
A stunning shock and awe giant government approach that may be fine and dandy for sparsely populated rural areas but I can assure you that those of us who live in metropolitan areas will tacitly dismiss this lunacy and demand much more realistic, comprehensive, and multidimensional measures. Here's another fact ignored in your post. Metro populations outnumber rural counts by 5-to-1.

http://www.census.gov/geo/www/ua/2010urbanruralclass.html
That's great, but - Kennesaw had only 5000 people
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it has more now, a whopping 25,000, but it's a small town...
There were exceptions to the law - not everyone was forced
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to own a gun-those that were mentally ill or handicapped and those who were conscientious objectors were exempt. Now around 30,000 citizens and the violent crime rate is one of the lowest if not the lowest in the country in comparison to other places the same size has to say something. Texas 2008 girl stabs friends and principal, Florida 1999 teen threatens classmates with a knife, Indiana 2006 teen attacks classmate with a knife, 2007 teen stabs classmate in Indiana, 2001 man attacks children and teachers with a machete in Pennsylvania, 1995 California young woman deliberately hits 3 children with her car, Washington 2011 girl age 15 stabs 2 girls in a bathroom, 1997 boy 16 years old cuts his mother's throat and then goes to school on a shooting spree-he was finally stopped by the assistant principal who happened to have a licensed gun of his own and was able to apprehend the student and hold him until police arrived. How many lives were destroyed by knives? How many saved by this assistant principal who was a licensed gun owner? How many could have been saved had others had guns to stop these shooting sprees. As for the metropolitan areas, well from what I read most of the crime is committed by someone who does not have a weapon legally (gun control will not stop that) and they prey on those who they know are undefended. If you think more strict gun laws will stop this you are living under a rock and refuse to face the reality. More people are killed in car accidents than my guns-are you ready to make stricter automobile ownership laws? I wish at least one teacher in that school or that principal had a gun at the time-lives would have been saved-the statistics prove that whether you like it or not.

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