I will pray with you :) - hurtingMT Posted: Oct 18th, 2017 - 11:58 pm In Reply to: Bipolar/depression/anxiety - sad
I was diagnosed with MDD and GAD about 15 years ago - I am 34. Usual back and forth with meds, and I was coping okay until my layoff in August. Since then, everything has been a downhill slide. I've had awful mood swings, I cry constantly, pick my fingers until they bleed, don't want to leave the house because I'm afraid of my car breaking down (I always think I smell it burning, but it isn't). I was donating plasma, but then they deferred me after a machine malfunction and since then, my anxiety has shot my pulse through the roof every time I go in there because I'm afraid of being deferred again, and thus, I cannot donate most of the time. Another little financial strain, since that was helping out some at least. Unemployment is minimal, but I am happy to have something at least. My daughter just started 3rd grade and she isn't doing very well in school. I'm afraid she may have a learning disability and I'm trying to get her some help. Husband just dismisses my feelings as PMS or whatever - stays out in his shop from the time he comes home from work until dinner time, then talks about how awful his job is (I'm like hey - at least you have one), then goes to bed. Says I'm just crazy. I'm falling apart. No money to go back to school either, and no one to help with my 8 and 11 year old children so I can go back to work outside the home. I feel like I've had the wind knocked out of me and I can't get back up. I've just been praying for the strength to get myself some help and get back on my feet.
Anyway, sorry for the long vent. I don't mean to hog the post. I understand how hard the depression and anxiety can be, and I understand the perception of being trapped so to speak. I'm sure there are a lot of MTs who feel this way right now with the state of the industry. Maybe after this initial blow is over, we will begin to feel good enough to get back up and keep fighting.
I am truly sorry for the depression/anxiety you are feeling. Please know that you are not alone. I will most definitely be praying for you.
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