A community of 30,000 US Transcriptionist serving Medical Transcription Industry

What do you think about this?


Posted: Apr 24, 2017

I'll try and make this short:  About a year ago I borrowed some money from my sis ($3K).  We were struggling trying to make ends meet.  DH and I both had jobs, but needed a little help.  She took out of her retirement and asked that we pay her back a little bit each month so she would know she'd be getting something in.  Everything was going great, finally got caught up and had planned to start paying her back 3 months later.  Unforatunately DH got laid off.  He also got sick and we had a bunch of doctor bills.  Then the next month I got notice that I was being laid off. Ugs!!!  She knew my DH got laid off.  I ended up getting another job, but at a drastic reduction in pay.  We could not afford anything.  Cut back on everything.  We are doing nothing and don't spend money on anything except what we need.  I sold whatever I could to pay the rent.  Including a cemetary plot my mom bought for us because first, we had to get the money from somewhere and second, there is no plan for me to be shipped across the country after I'm gone.  It was security my mom wanted us laid to rest next to her.  Well when you have no money and if you don't pay your rent, well you know what happens.  I remember my sister telling me she wanted a big "gated" family buriel area.  Anyway...So here it is a year later and I have not been able to pay her anything yet (constantly trying to find ways to make extra money so I can start paying her something, but right now we make less than what our bills are, eat very little and do nothing.

Fast forward...today is my sis' birthday.  A few weeks ago was my birthday and my sis has a great sense of humor.  She send me a messiage on my facebook page that said happy b-day to my favorite sister...oh wait, my only sister.  I laughed and thought it was cute.  Today I send her a message with a funny meme that said happy birthday and had a cat jumping out of a cake holding a sign "your adopted" and the kid crying.  This is something she would laugh at because of course she's not adopted, but she used to joke to me that I was and we'd laugh.  I put that on this morning and now I was just checking her facebook page and it's gone, but she has a ton of other messages.  Then I scrolled down and I saw a message she wrote thanking everyone for caring during this difficult time.

I've tried calling her, but she doesn't answer her phone (for anyone - even my dad).  I've emailed her and she doesn't respond.  My dad tells me she is always on the go doing things with her daughter.  I know a few months ago her son (who is "slow") moved out and in with his girlfriend and she was pretty upset about that, but everyone was telling her to let him go (he's 26 years old, but she said she never wanted him to leave home). 

So not seeing my funny b-day wish (when she puts up funny stuff herself), I am not sure what to think.  She turned 59, so don't think it's a big upset year.  Just weird my facebook card is gone.  I just posted a message saying happy birthday, hope she had a good day and hope everything is going okay.

I'm just baffled and wanted to know what you think.  I've been feeling guilt now for I don't know how long about not being able to pay her anything yet.  It's like trying to squeeze water out of a turnip.  We don't have enough money to pay all our bills.  We keep trying to find ways to improve our income so we can at least get something to her.  Do you think she's mad over that?  I know it's hard to know if that is it.  I just don't know what to think.  I don't think the card offended her.  She's got a very dry and goofy sense of humor.  One time when my cousin was in the hospital after an accident my sis sent him a get well card that said get well on the front and inside said "I hope you don't die", so something like this is just weird to me.

Going to change my name to "Guilt"

;

I guess I'm a little confused. First, I thought you couldn't (sm) - nm

[ In Reply To ..]
remove a FB post that someone else posted, and doesn't your father have any idea what the difficult time she is going through refers to? Is he worried?

If someone posts something on your timeline - xx

[ In Reply To ..]
(which is what people do who post birthday wishes to other people), you most certainly can remove it. You can remove anything posted on your own timeline, regardless of who posted it. You can't remove something posted on someone else's timeline, but the OP didn't post the "funny" birthday message on her own timeline, she posted it on her sister's timeline. That's how things like birthday wishes are posted.

The OP needs to find someone in the family who knows what's going on to get a definitive answer. It is possible that something unfortunate has happened and the sister thought the OP knew about it and maybe felt the first birthday message was inappropriate under the circumstances.

Until the OP gets more information, there is no way to know what is going on.

This would appear to be an example of why financial experts recommend that one never borrow from or lend to family or friends. It never ends well and nearly always changes the relationship dynamic. Give the money if you want to help, but don't expect to get it back. Money problems have a way of becoming self-perpetuating, even for people who actually do mean to pay it back.

From someone close, I would prefer personal - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
I would prefer a phone call or a real paper card than a Facebook post. It really takes no effort to make a post, but it does take a little caring to mail a letter. You need to make an effort to talk to her--not everyone else in the family. Apologize.

I lost one sister who drove me crazy. I wish she could still call me once in awhile. I have lost another to early Alzheimer's. I am doing everything I can to make her days a little easier.

Money becomes more and more of a worry as you get closer to retirement. Make some plans to try pay her back--I am sure that money means a lot to her also. She was good enough to lend it to you.
Why are you addressing your comments to me? - xx
[ In Reply To ..]
I am not the OP. I'm not the one who borrowed the money, and I don't need to apologize for anything.
OMG! Are you a QC? - Must be a 3-point error.
[ In Reply To ..]
Please don't deduct my pay. I apologize. I am a terrible poster.

I think a vacation day is in order.

Facebook timeline - Why not ask her

[ In Reply To ..]
I think it depends on how your account is set up. On my Timeline I have the option of hiding posts but not removing them, as well as reporting offensive content. If you are not on someone's list of close friends and have been move to acquaintances or a different list, not all of your posts will show on their Timeline. Someone can block you or unfriend you without your knowledge, it could be a Facebook technical issue or maybe even something you did when you posted. Could you call your sister and wish her a happy birthday instead of something as impersonal as Facebook?

Thank God everyone... - op

[ In Reply To ..]
I am new to Facebook, so had no idea that my post was not removed, it was hidden. Jeepers! I just got on and saw 19 messages hidden and there was mine.

I still need to get in contact with her and find out if everything is okay, and I definitely need to pay her back. Even if I send her small amounts, it will add up. I've often thought of having my gold capped tooth pulled and getting the money for that to send her (yes I seriously have thought of that, though its a little drastic). I've got some things I want to sell and send her the money and guess I better tell her I sold my cemetery plot so she is not shocked when she goes to visit our mom and there is someone laid on the other side of her. If it's a handsome guy I don't think my mom would mind. LOL Truthfully, had to pay the rent and what am I going to do with a cementery plot across the country that I wouldn't be residing there for another 40 or so years. Seriously I have to find a plan to pay her back. The guilt is horrible.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. That last post saying OMG cracked me up.

Won't get much for your capped tooth - anonie

[ In Reply To ..]
I sent my cap away to a place my dentist said accepts gold caps and all I got was $7.00 so not much at all. Of course today's monetary rate of gold might bet you a bit more.

Update - OP

[ In Reply To ..]
Just an update (in case anyone is interested). Spoke to my dad. Had a family health issue and nobody could get in touch with my sister. Long story short (I hope). She had her phone disconnected and doesn't answer cell phone cos she's in a financial bind. She had a stroke, lost her job, her husbands business dropped off. Her son (special needs - 26 years old going on 12 - still watches cartoons, plays with power rangers, etc). He had a great home. Had everything handed to him, never had to do anything. Had a job he loved, friends etc. He meets a girl through facebook who lives 2 towns away (about a 40 minute drive). She became friends with him after he was bragging about his job and having money (from the job) and a check for $1000 (something about the state re-structuring something and found they should have paid him more. My sis and her husband said don't spend it in case its a mistake until we know more "okay, okay, mom I won't" He's got just enough smarts to know better, but doesn't understand things fully. So he meets this girl online and about 2 days later bought her an engagement ring to give to her when he met her in person. Sis and husband did banking with him. They go in and he deposits his check and they get the balance and there is 8 dollars left. He lied to them and then was getting really mad (he doesn't handle emotional issues well). They were not yelling, but they were concerned that he lost it. Come to find out whatever he had left after buying her an engagement ring he walked around with part of the money hanging out of his wallet so people would believe he was rich (he finally told them). So his new "fiance" wants him to move in with her (she is also not altogether there, a bit overweight), but has a boyfriend. So my nephew moves in with them but sleeps on the couch. He takes off and doesn't contact them to let him know where he is (sis finds out on facebook). Dad told me he quit his job, lives with this girl and sleeps on their couch. They sell everything they can to get some money to eat. They have nothing. Last year before all this happened, sis and husband bought him a computer (about a $300 computer). He sold it for $10. They also bought him a phone so he would be able to call them if he needed a ride back home. He sold it. Sis is pretty much in a depression, they are having financial difficulties. My dad said she's really down and avoids phone calls, but she's not depressed. They have a daughter that keeps them going and her church activities. So...that is what is going on with her. My DH is going to get an extra job (and I'm looking for more work) so we can pay them back, but we are going through financial difficulties, so unsure at this point what we are going to do, but we have to pay them back. Not an option anymore.

I wish I could help my sis figure out something about her son. They adopted him from another country, didn't know until months after they adopted him that he was special needs. Their whole lives was around him. Did everything (vacation, special olympics, giving him whatever he asked for) and now it's a rug pulled out from under them. She told me one time she never wanted him to leave and live their the rest of his life with them, so know it's a heartbreak for her. I've never offered her advice about kids because I don't have kids so I really would not have anything of value to "advise" her on. I am wondering though if he is special needs and there is a girl taking advantage of him if there is some kind of group that would step in. My dad said they sell everything they can, walk around towns looking for things they can sell and they are always getting evicted from places (I don't understand that because if they are evicted and have no jobs how is anyone renting to them.

Anyway...at least she didn't remove my b-day message, but still, what a mess. All I can do is keep her in my prayers and start paying her back as soon as I can.

You've probably thought of this but what about something like sm - delivering pizza a few times a week

[ In Reply To ..]
You can make some extra cash and send that to her, and probably enough to help yourselves, too. I have a friend who works at Chili's two nights a week and makes an extra $100-$250 a week. She's older (55) not old, but two days a week is enough but not too much.

Similar Messages: