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What do you do when ...


Posted: Apr 13, 2017

You're sure that your parents are disappointed in you and you're not sure they love you? In fact you're pretty sure they don't.  It hurts so much and I don't have anyone to talk to.  I just needed to get it out. Please don't judge me or make any unkind comments.  I can't take it. It's ok if you don't respond.  I just needed an anonymous place to go.

 

 

;

You could be wrong - Just guessing

[ In Reply To ..]
I've been in that boat. I spent most of my life feeling that way and only recently found out how wrong my assumption was. I suggest you talk to them, find out what's going on. If you really want to know, be prepared for any answer you might receive, good or bad. Ask a specific question and tell them you want an honest answer, that you deserve that. Don't be mad at them if you hear a bad response; you did ask. You might very well hear a good reply and open up a close relationship. That's what I've done and it's all good now. Lots of talk, lots of listening. No matter what the truth is, you don't know the whole story behind your feelings. Those feelings shouldn't be blown off. You feel them for a reason. Just keep an open mind. What I heard was the last thing I ever expected to be told. You really don't know what's behind THEIR feelings. Yet. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst. This is a Pandora's box, but perhaps it's time to open it.

Some people just don't know how to show love. - Here for you

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Besides the fact, as above poster stated, that you could be wrong, consider that some people just do not show love as some think appropriate. My mom has never told me she loved me unless I told her first. I cannot remember the last time she hugged me. She has just never been a loving person, but I do honestly feel that if anything ever happened to me it would tear her up.

Maybe you could try a conversation with your parents, probably one at a time. Open up to them. Tell them that it may be you, but you are not feeling loved, or simply say that you need to feel loved. If you are not comfortable with this, or truly do believe you are right, what then? It would be my suggestion that you get some professional or religious counseling, which ever suits you. Work through these feelings and learn to accept things that you cannot change, and mostly importantly LOVE YOURSELF.

My brother and I had a conversation today about how bad our parents were when we were younger. He lives out of state and says he wants to be close to them but he just can't. He said he feels guilty, and he means to stay in touch with them, but he just doesn't. My response to him was that these are feelings of guilt. Putting this into perspective, he is right in how he feels. However, being right does not always make you feel better, sometimes worse. I told him he has a good heart and really wants to do the right thing, but his heart has been damaged. I told him not to accept this feeling as guilt, but instead realize it is only he wishes things were different. Wishes many things were different, but that was not up to us, we were children.

There are many people with unloving parents. That does not make them unworthy of love. You need a counselor to help you with these feelings, whether they are true or not. While you can't really get help on this anonymous board, DO KNOW that I understand how you feel, and I care. God bless you.

Here for you too - Porcher

[ In Reply To ..]
Could be how they were raised. Look at how their parents raised them. Was there a lot of expression of affection? Are there similarities in how they are treating you? Sometimes, the older generations seem to not be into showing affection so much, not wrong, just different. Some of them had hard lives.

The other two posters had some really good responses. Do you have any other family members who might take you under their wing who you can bond with like aunts, uncles, etc.? Maybe if you can’t talk to your parents about this, talk to some other family member you trust completely. They may be able to give you more insight on the matter. Of course, you can always talk to your family here! We will be glad to listen. Sometimes, that’s all it takes too.

Here’s a verse I found in the Bible in Psalms 27:10 - “When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.” Please remember that Jesus loves you so much more than any human is capable of, even your parents. Humans are imperfect, love imperfectly, make mistakes, may be wounded, and are going to let you down, but He never will. Try not to be hurt at them, but pray for them and you may be surprised the good things that could happen. It’s natural for you to want your parents to show that they love you, and you want to please them and not disappoint them, and I think they are pretty lucky to have you. I don’t have any children of my own, but if you were mine, I would certainly love such a sweet child. You may not be a “child” but you know what I’m trying to say!

Three responses above filled with lots of wisdom - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
especially from Porcher.

To the OP: I felt like you did, too. I DID have the talk with my mother when I was 25 years old. I did not get the result I wanted. I said many prayers, asking God to give me that loving parent-child relationship I so longed for. Some time in my 40's (I'm now pushing 60), I stopped praying for my relationship with my parents and started praying about their relationship with Jesus. I believe God healed me of the pain of the loss of the relationship that never was. However, my request for a loving parent-child relationship was granted, and that was my relationship with my heavenly Father. I have peace about all of it now, and I look forward to enjoying my parents in heaven. May God bless you abundantly.

Not sure if my parents loved me BUT I - learned to work around it.

[ In Reply To ..]
I definitely made excuses including they were so young and had financial issues. They did the best they could with the limitations they had in life.

Think about it. Do not let something you have no control of drag you down.

A play on an old song is if you aren't with the people who love you, love the ones you are with.

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