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Fertility issues

Posted: Oct 14, 2016

My daughter has been unble to get pregnant since she had a miscarriage 8 years ago. She found out her right tube is completely blocked. She wants a baby so much, and she would make a wonderful mother. All of her friends are working on their 3rd or 4th ones now, and she cannot bring herself to go to baby showers anymore. I encouraged her to look at foster care, since adopting a baby is expensive and takes forever. I am reaching out to my peeps on this board to see if there is any one out there who has experience in this and or words of wisdom? THANKS in advance.

;

Foster care in lieu of adoption will just break her heart more. - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
Foster kids can and are constantly removed to another home for the most arbitrary of reasons.

I have an aunt who took in impossible-to-place foster kids for a while and literally worked miracles with some of them. And as soon as she did, they were no longer "unplaceable," so away they went to a more "appropriate" foster home or up for adoption. (Most of the children did not match her ethnicity or religion, plus she was single.)

She actually tried to adopt several of them and was turned down flat. Apparently, she was good enough to deal with them when everyone else refused to even try, but not good enough to become their mother after she turned them back into decent, happy human beings. The last time tore her and the kid both up so much that she had to just stop fostering any more.

Is she brave and willing to jump right in to parenthood? - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
Have her look into adoption from her state's foster care program. If she is wiling to take a sibling "group," she would be near the top of the list. A group is considered 2 or more, so tell her not to freak out. Groups are harder to place so they need a parent or parents quick. Sometimes there is a baby within the group, but there usually will be at least one older child (between 5 and 10 years of age). SIngle parents are more than welcome, too, as these kids really need a home NOW.

The training my husband and I received before we adopted our children was fantastic. We went through the same training that foster parents do but were not interested in fostering at all. We sort of picked our kids off the state web site, met them in person, and 8 days later brought them home permanently (although I'm sure it wasn't supposed to move that quick, lol).

Did they have problems and issues? Sure did. But you have every resource of the state behind you including medical, dental, and every therapy known to man, all paid for. In fact, the state paid us $400 a month for each child until they turned 21. We really didn't want to take the state's money but were advised to do so in case the kids needed more help later on (really a paperwork issue).

Today our children are all grown up, totally on their own. They are all productive, loving, wonderful members of society. They all want to take care of us as we approach our senior years the way we took care of them when they needed a family.

Please tell your daughter to look into programs in her state. There is absolutely no cost or fees, and she can discontinue her participation anytime, at any level of the process.

Thanks to all - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
Thanks for all the good advice. We have talked about foster care a few times, but she is unsure of how it would be if she became attached, and then for whatever reason the child was put back into the custody of its parents. I like the idea of a group of children, I think that would be more challenging, but way more rewarding in the long run. Thanks to all the advice. Prayers for her as she continues to contemplate her next steps. Either way, I cannot wait to spoil some young un's again.

I'd be curious to know if she had multiple - vaccinations when in

[ In Reply To ..]
childhood. Your daughter's case is not unusual as there seems to be a link between mega childhood vaccinations and infertility. You could try going to a fertility specialist although some insurances do not pay for it anymore (very $$$). I know this is no consolation for you but it is a growing issue in this country.

Yes - R2

[ In Reply To ..]
She had all the usual vaccinations, which were mandatory to enter school. Her right tube is completely blocked and so she only has the chance every other month to conceive. her insurance does not pay for fertility. But thanks for the things to think about. :)

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