It is so sad when you still care about someone, maybe still love

because their behaviors are screwing up your life so badly. I believe I know my own answer, this is simply venting to people who hopefully understand.

For several years I have tried and tried until I am blue in the face to teach this man to NOT interrupt me at work  -  IC  MT.   I lost a perfectly good job in house because of him and this same behavior.    I thought I could control it somewhat when I turned IC MT.  Nope.

He knows very well about being paid by the line and no work = no money, no earned time or sick time or benefits,  how this career is circling the drain,  if I lose this job now its a very good chance I wont get another, and we will both be all done. 

Fast forward a few years.  I am now our sole support, and he knows it.  That was the deal we made,  he files for disability and not working now, and I support us until it comes through.

A few weeks ago I threatened him that because of his interruptions constantly that I dont have enough money made to pay the rent.   I cut off his tobacco and told him he better get patches and medication to stop smoking because we cant afford tobacco.  He said "its only $2 every other day" and I reminded him that adds up to $40-50 a month and that should go to the electric or internet bill.  I gave him a choice,  keep the tobacco and choose which utility to shut off.  Without either one,  I cant work and we are screwed, so YOU make the choice of which one to shut off.  He straightened up a little bit for a week or so, then gradually it comes creeping back. 

Today is about the last straw, I cant take any more.   I told him do not come upstairs to my office unless the place is on fire,  unless he or the pets need emergency health care.

Three times.   THREE.   FRIGGING.    TIMES.  he comes up here for piddly crap that is not in the least bit anywhere near important. 

The last time he comes up to ask  am I mad at him.  

No, of course not, why ever would you ask???   YOU MORON.     I absolutely love having my work interrupted, losing time and money,  running the risk of making a critical error for QA to slam me to the pavement and taze me.  This is great,  knowing you interrupt me so much that I may not be able to pay the frigging rent this next month. 

He has nowhere to go if he's not working, no family to take him in, no money unless his insurance settlement comes in very soon, and he really cant work full time because of his physical illness.

I have had enough.  I have been living in fear for weeks that I've made a critical error that will show up on the next audit and I will be out the door.  I am sick of stressing and worrying each week because I am low on lines and have to rush towards the end of the week to make it up and hope the work is there.

I care,  I dont want to turn him out in 90 degree temps and nowhere to go,  but if he keeps this crap up,  I will eventually make a critical error and lose this job.

I dont know what else to do;  I guess,  shove him overboard to save myself.

I have cried,  I have prayed,  I have explained this to him until I am blue in the face.  I even bullied him to start therapy for his issues.

He can go to the dam therapist tomorrow alone and explain why he's there alone,  why I didnt come with him and wont ever again.  He can explain why he's effed things up all by himself.