A community of 30,000 US Transcriptionist serving Medical Transcription Industry

Hanging by a Thread


Posted: Apr 22, 2016

Please, if anyone has ideas for no-to-low-stress types of jobs, post them here.  I am to the point I can barely function.  The MT industry has been stressful for me since I started nearly a decade ago (for all the reasons you are familiar with) and with a company acquisition and new software, new client (to the company with the lack of proper specs, mixed feedback), expander issues, extensive time spent while not working trying to make sense of it all and gain some sort of control, and not making nearly enough money to pay my bills, I feel I just need a job where I don't have to think much (and no pressure) so I can recover.


I'm in a pathetic state at this point.  Not even sure I can manage to put a decent outfit together and make my hair look normal.  On top of work stress and other life stresses, I married for the 2nd time a couple years ago and it has been a nightmare.  I think the longest length of time it has gone sort of smoothly was a couple weeks.  Typically, every few days to a week he goes off on me.  He is verbally and emotionally abusive (I hate to use that last word, but that's what it is.)  I won't bother go into specifics.  When he is nice, he is usually cool and distant (more like someone you know from down the street or something).  He is self-absorbed and makes me feel undeserving.  He lives in my house and only pays half the utilities (when he is way better off than I am - - more than comfortable).  I pay for the house, animal babies, my own food, gifts.  (I think that's enough to give you the idea.)  When I got beside myself recently (in the midst of him blowing up on me because he didn't hear me say "thanks" for something [which I had]) and brought up that since I am paying for the house we live in, it seems like he should pay for all the utilities, his response was, "It doesn't cost you anything for me to live here." 


He does have a fun, playful side (but a small %) and does do certain things for me, but everything is on his terms and I am never comfortable asking for anything.  He is one of those people who is a nice person on the surface until need something he doesn't want to give you (including affection, security, etc.) and he takes everyday comments or kidding around like a horrible insult.  He's anal and wants everything his own way and particular about how you handle his belongings but is often disrespectful to my things and how I would like them handled.  If I try to give him examples of how he has different standards for himself, he can't seem to see it no matter what examples I give.  Some of it he probably can't see, and some of it I know he gets but doesn't care (not enough to do anything about it anyway).  I could go on, but I think I have made my point for you to see my added stress.  This is someone I knew for quite awhile and should have realized.  I am not sure WTF was wrong with me.


At this point, I have been sick for the last few days and he basically just keeps his distance and doesn't even ask me how I am feeling.  He probably thinks I'm faking (even though I worked all week regardless).  I am really struggling (mentally and financially) and not going to be able to keep up with my bills.  It's all I can do not to quit my job.  I look at jobs online and feel I am not qualified for anything (even though I really am) and am afraid I can't handle anything at this point ... but I have no choice.  I have to do something.


If anyone has any ideas for an easy job for me (so I can at least recuperate and attempt to keep paying my bills), please share them.  I can't tell you how much I will apprecate it. 

 

Sorry for any errors.  I proofed this but made changes as I went, so I probably goofed something up.  

;

Look online - me

[ In Reply To ..]
Google map your area & see what's out there. You can apply for work online for just about everything these days and not leave your house. You won't need to decide on outfit or hair til you get an interview. Much less stress than walking business to business with a ton of resumes to hand out. I hope things get better for you. Not being snide, but when he's leaving you alone, smile a bit to yourself. He's giving you time off. :) (Been in abusive situation before, so time off is good.)

Thanks - Kristy

[ In Reply To ..]
Thanks. I have been looking online. Just thought maybe some people could think of certain types to focus in on. I know it all comes back to me.

The thing about him ignoring me, it still feels like rejection, and he is like a big storm cloud looming around. He is an overall angry person (and the vibes are significant). I need him to leave. I have told him so on numerous occasions but he won't go. Anyone know if there is anyway to make a spouse leave prior to divorce?

Anywhere YOU can go? - me

[ In Reply To ..]
I'm assuming you can't afford to leave and get your own place. Anybody who might let you stay with them while you work things out on your future? Otherwise, if he doesn't want to leave, you're pretty well stuck with him. If by remote chance your house is in your name, sell it. He can leave that way, but it would be a tough way to force things.

See if you can get a restraining order. - nm

[ In Reply To ..]
xx

Substitute teaching & making him your "ex" - Mary

[ In Reply To ..]
I don't know if this might be an option where you live, but investigate the possibility of doing substitute teaching. Where I live, one needs an associates degree, and I don't know if you have that, but that may not be a requirement where you live. Contact your local public school system; they may even have the information you need online. I did substitute teaching for a couple of years during the time I was in between MT jobs. Each evening, I could call in to an automated system and see what openings there were for the following day. I could pick and choose which school, what age group, etc. Sometimes I got positions that I liked, and I was able to continue there or return as needed. Other times, I served at schools or in classes that I knew were not a good fit. I hope this helps you. In any event, I would say get rid of your husband, make him your ex-husband. Please do the following BEFORE telling him you want him to leave, etc. (1) Put a lock on your credit so that no one, including him, could take out any credit cards, charge anything to you, etc. (2) If you have any money in a joint bank account, move YOUR money to a new account or an account that is in ONLY your name so that he cannot touch it. (3) Go ahead and consult with a divorce attorney and meet him/her for a consultation. Oftentimes, an attorney will not charge for a consultation, but they will let you know that on the phone either way. A divorce attorney can help you protect yourself from a financial point of view. (4) See if there is any type of Women's Resource Center in your town. Their sole purpose is to help women who are stuck between a rock and a hard place as you are. (5) Let us know how you are doing. We care about you.

Also ... - Kristy

[ In Reply To ..]
Does it seem odd (and wrong) to you all that my husband wants to live in his wife's home, me being totally responsible for all my own expenses, and not do more than pay 1/2 of utilities? Sure, it's technically my house, but in marriage you would assume you are going to be together for years and years, so why should I take the whole hit for the house we live in? He ends up making me feel like I am weird, but it feels hurtful, especially when I am struggling and he is secure. If it were reversed I would be helping him a lot without even thinking twice.

Depends - me

[ In Reply To ..]
In my current marriage, I pay for everything. Even when he worked, I made sure the bills were paid. When he didn't work, I felt very taken advantage of. He went shopping and I went to work. At this point, we've been married a long time and he's disabled. He was never abusive, but I did feel very neglected. I don't expect much for company anymore. My pets keep me company and keep me sane. My ex had issues and I left pretty early. You figure out how you need to handle things and then do it. If you think he'd take counseling, then maybe that's where you start. If not, then explore your options. Maybe take a weekend (or whatever days off) and just do a short road trip to clear your head and relax. Got a beach or mountain nearby? Rent a cabin for a couple days? See if your family or friends will loan you money for a mental health weekend if it's more than you can do right now. Surely, they know you need it.
Kristy - youdeservebetter
[ In Reply To ..]
Kristy, please focus on you and look into therapy. You deserve so much better. Therapy will empower you and help you realize that you do not need to stay in such an abusive situation. No real man would treat someone the way he is treating you. Please take care of yourself and your children--you deserve to be happy! Get rid of him..he is bring no value to your life. Good luck!
ps kristy - youdeservebetter
[ In Reply To ..]
I mentioned kids but it doesn't look like you have any except for the furry type...sorry about that..

umm - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
He sounds like a narcissistic abuser. Even if he does not physically harm you, he is abusive in every other way.

You need to LEAVE him. Don't wait for him to get better, he won't, only worse.

See if there is a Worksource in your state/city.. through the State Employment office. They are a great resource for resumes, job search, interviewing skills, EVERYTHING!!

Check craig's list for jobs. Here it is VERY widely used.

AND don't delay PACKING UP and MOVING OUT!!

Muster your strength and come out stronger!!

Thank you ... - Kristy

[ In Reply To ..]
Yes, the house is in my name. He sold his and moved in here. I have thought about moving myself; but, it would have to be with my kids (and families). And, knowing him, he would probably just keep staying in my house with me paying for it! I can't afford to sell it, as I got a good deal on it and could never afford what I would have to pay elsewhere now.

I have Googled various times things about him and how he makes me feel, and narcissist is what always comes up. It's true, they say there is really no help and they tend to get worse.

I will try all the resources you mentioned, and I really appreciate it. At this point, just feeling like someone understands and validates that I am not insane is priceless.

Thank you!

you need to check your state laws - about getting him out.

[ In Reply To ..]
You may be able to get the sheriff to come and escort him out. Or wait til he goes to town and change the locks. Have his crap on the porch when he gets back. I was married to an abuser for 10 years. Looking back, I wonder why I took it that long.

kicking the bum out... - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
give him a 30-day written notice. contact legal aid to see if that is all you have to do
Read "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft - Val
[ In Reply To ..]
Excellent book. I have included a link -- not sure it will work though.

He does it because HE CAN! Guarantee -- once you get rid of that sack of &^%, you won't wonder what's wrong with you and you won't feel like you can't function. He is sucking the life out of you. Divorce him. Now. Protect yourself. Now.

If he walks like a duck and quacks like a duck... - JB

[ In Reply To ..]
I totally agree that the description you give sounds like he is a narcissist. I was once in a very tumultuous relationship with one myself and I wasted way too many years with him until I finally figured out this personality type and joined an online support group which totally saved my life emotionally. I would google and find one to help you through dealing with this mentality until you can get your life on track. I wasted so much time thinking "if only he could be nice all the time and not just when he wants to." He cant be nice all the time because that is not possible for the selfish narcissist. He was like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. He purposely wants you to suffer and be miserable. He ENJOYS that. It makes him feel empowered, which is what they are all about. Let your job situation take the back burner until you can move forward and gain your house and emotional security for yourself. You are worth it and do not need to suffer in a relationship like this. My situation was different in the fact that we were not married, but renting a place together. The happiest day of my life was the day I was able to move out and into my own place. I remember after the movers left I sat down in the middle of the floor of my new place and cried and cried tears of happiness. The biggest weight in the universe had been lifted off my shoulders. I want you to feel this way too and just know it IS possible. Do not give up and you can always count on us here to be here for you to listen and support you.

Quit your job - Let him support you, he married you.r your support

[ In Reply To ..]
Just quit. Tell him this job is too much and you can't do it anymore.

What you - Need to do

[ In Reply To ..]
Is grow a backbone, file for divorce because thats the only way you can get him out. As long as you are married, that house is as much his as it is yours, whether its only in your name or not. Dont worry about the job right now. Most of your stress revolves around him right now, obviously. Dont worry about how you can afford the future without him. Believe me, you will be much better off once he is gone. Even the job may seem better once hes gone. Stop being a door mat. Your doing this to yourself at this point. Stop it! Get strong; get rid of the dead weight & see how much happier you will be!! Everything else will fall into place once you realize you are so much better than what you are allowing to be done to you. Believe it!

consider a temp agency - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
If you're near a city check with a temp agency like Kelly Services. I actually got into MT through KS years and years ago. I worked for them many times between writing gigs and they were absolutely wonderful. The money's not great these days (big surprise), but they are very good at matching your skill set to the right jobs, temp employers/colleagues are usually thrilled to have the help, and it's not unusual to be hired permanently. So, a great way for companies and prospective employees to try each other out. And to get your feet wet in the outside world again. In fact, I called them fairly recently and asked how much being over 50 would factor in, and the lady I talked to emphatically said "Not in the least. We don't even consider age. I've never seen it be an issue." If I lived near a city (which I don't), I would definitely consider it.

p.s. - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
Might want to consider getting him out of there before venturing out and leaving him alone with everything, especially pets. Been in your situation. A Christian counselor and a priest both told me "Can't counsel you, you got nothing here. And the only thing you have to feel guilty about is that you didn't get out sooner." I recommend Anne Bronte's "The Tenant of Wildfell Hall" for comfort in the meantime. It will do a lot to validate your instincts and shore up your confidence.

Great Idea! As a matter of fact.... - Mary

[ In Reply To ..]
As a matter of fact, a temp agency was how I got my current job. In addition to editing, I work in all the other clerical spots in a doctors' office. I've been here for 5 years, and I love it!

Need 2 major changes - pick one at a time - all smiles

[ In Reply To ..]
You have 2 major things in your life that are sucking the life out of you.

First, it seems that the husband should be the first to go. I would say legal separation WITH restraining order to get him gone. Believe me, that is as much or more of your self-esteem issue that transcription. I sympathize. I married the same man and it took me 3 years to realize what a serious mistake I had made and how seriously it destroyed my self image. This guy had the audacity to tell me NOT to look pretty, NOT to wear makeup, NOT to talk to anyone else. That is the sign of a real abuser.

with him gone, you should qualify for some financial assistance on utilities, food, etc.

Second, proofreading, copy editing is a little easier than transcription. Does not pay any more but you don't have to listen and type, just read. Not hard to understand the typewritten word. Part time at first might boost your ego.

Third, you HAVE to get out and get something that is positive, no matter how small it might be. Church, social events, or something where you are with people who acknowledge that you exist, and eventually will appreciate your company. Even if only 1-2 mornings, afternoons, evenings per month.

YOU DESERVE IT.

we love you - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
First of all, I'd venture to say most if not all of us here understand and empathize with one or both of your predicaments. You are not alone. Second, you need to get yourself safe. Possession may be 9/10 of the law where the house etc., is concerned and there are repercussions to being the one to leave, but especially if you do not feel safe you must research the laws in your state, talk to people who know (women's shelters are a great resource)and if you have to be the one to leave, find a way to do it, hopefully without losing what is yours. Third, Get Help. You may need to leave without confronting him, but whatever you decide, don't do it alone. If he doesn't "fight fair," don't confront him, just get out. In a safe relationship, you're always free to leave. Fourth, cover your tracks. If you seek counseling, talk to women's advocates, a lawyer, look for housing -- anything -- don't leave the slightest evidence on your PC, cell phone, journal, card purchases -- not ANYWHERE. Don't just delete emails, delete everything: History, recycle bin, even talk to an expert. Be prepared to answer for the mileage on your car. If you are still dealing with whether you have any feelings for each other, great; deal with it later from a position of safety and strength. You will probably learn everything about him you need to know by leaving. People tend to show their true colors in that situation. Lastly, if you are a praying person, pray very hard. Take a warm bath, clear your mind, go outside, pray for your husband's soul, and ask God to show you what to do. That's what I did, I found the perfect place to move the same day, and the day I left I was offered the job that saved me (used to be a great place, I'll give you 2 guesses where). Feel free to private message me and, above all, Choose Life.

Legal Aid - Linda

[ In Reply To ..]
I've been through this but we weren't married. Getting him out was the best thing I have ever done. He refused to leave so I called police who escorted him out. He was also a deadbeat. I think you need some legal advice, and you might get that from Legal Aid, regarding his right to the home. If it is a community property state or if are still the only homeowner since you bought the house. I would not leave, but have him leave. If you left I can see him staying there for free for as long as he can.

As far as the job goes, the type of stress you are experiencing right now would be worse in a new MT job, having to deal with new QA, dictators and specs. What do you think of putting that on hold while you solve the home problem, just so you aren't overwhelmed.

I can tell you have really taken a hit to your self esteem and confidence. Having to deal with men like this can destroy your confidence. I think the best thing to do is get him out, then deal with the job situation.

I use Indeed.com and just search my home town, reading all the ads. You might try that.

Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

hanging by a thread - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
I agree about not quitting the job. Not only is it a secure paycheck, regardless of the downsides, it is also portable. You can move virtually anywhere at a moment's notice. Been there:)

Be Careful - About Listening

[ In Reply To ..]
to those who are suggesting a restraining order. You cannot just walk into the police station and request one. There has to be a "legitimate" reason, mostly "physical abuse," where the evidence is seen. Do not lie just to get one, and do not abuse "the system" to accomplish your means. You said he was not physically abusive, so I would not even try a restraining order at this point. You do not want to be at fault either for using the law to your advantage. If he IS physical with you, document, document, document, with pictures, recordings, witnesses, etc. Then you can try for a restraining order. People should be careful of what they are suggesting without knowing the facts first. and YES, you could use some legal counsel. Don't be afraid. Take care of yourself first. Good luck to you!!

Thanks again everyone. Short message. - Kristy

[ In Reply To ..]
Thank you much for your support and suggestions. I definitely have to find some resolution to all this. The job thing thrown in the mix has complicated it now with so much extra stress. I guess I just have to take one day at a time and have a check list of things that need to be taken care of to get myself in a better position. I could go on all day examples, but no point in that.

It is extremely disheartening to realize the degree this man is willing to disregard me (and worse). I guess I'm the type to take a crumb and run with it. Not a bad trait unless you get tangled up with the wrong type. I gave him way too much credit and so does he.

Relationships can be so confusing because no one is all bad all the time. I think that's why too many of us continue on way too long.

Thank you again for your support, suggestions, and resources. You help make the world a better place. ♥

He may be trying to make you so miserable - sm - XXX

[ In Reply To ..]
that you leave.....then he gets the house in the divorce, who knows. Or at least makes you have to sell it and divide or give him a percent of any proceeds. I would go to a divorce lawyer pronto, find out your rights, what to expect if you do decide to serve him with papers, obviously you need to get him out of YOUR house. He ought to have plenty in the bank if his job is better than yours and he has more money as you say, so he can get off his butt and get his own place/apartment. He may clean you out furniture wise of course as he sounds like he may be vindictive enough for that but that's a chance you will have to take. Your mental health is worth more than a sofa. Though sounds like you have not been married long so it may not be too bad in the division of assets, since it sounds like you don't mingle your money, and I really hope the house is in your name only as is the mortgage, that will simplify things for sure. So get to a divorce lawyer, go for a 15 or 30 minute consult and take that first step in gaining back some control in your life. Good luck.

I agree, no TRO - Concerned

[ In Reply To ..]
It does not sound the guy is physically abusive, just remote, unsupportive, manipulative, and does not have a clue about what it means to married.

I agree also, that original poster needs to get out of the house more and have a life of her own. I would also like to suggest she consider some professional counseling to help her decide what to do about her untenable marriage.

If she is considering divorce, and I certainly think she should be, it might be a good idea to consult an attorney so she can protect herself financially, and maybe even get some spousal support so she can retrain for better career.

I also wonder, if she might be able to get her marriage annulled, rather than a divorce, because whatever it is that she has with this man, it is not a marriage.

It my husband told me that he did not have to help out with the mortgage because it was not costing me any more for him to live there, my answer would be, oh yes it is, I am struggling to keep this house, and pay the bills, and if you were not here, I could rent out the master bedroom & bath for $600 a month. That is what you are costing me, so get your own place or pay up!



Tell us where you live, dear. It's so much - easier to help when we know this.

[ In Reply To ..]
We might well have some members in your area who could form a support group, for instance.

Sounds to me like he is cheating - been there

[ In Reply To ..]
I think your rat has some cheese on the side.

A thought: Take your rat to small claims court and sue him for the rent and whatever else you can think of that he should be paying and is not. Go as high as your state will allow for back rent, and ask for costs. Then go levy on his paycheck and his bank account.

Just tell the judge your rat is not paying any expenses and you are drowning in bills, you have had a major cut in pay, and your job is has gotten so tough and so stressful you are not even sure you can keep it.

Quit your job, take him back to small claims court every month for spousal support.

If any bill collector calls, hand him the phone and tell him to talk to them. Tell the bill collector he is your husband and tell them where he works, let them go after him, he has more money than you.

Regarding small claims court, it is a novel approach, but I don't think there is anything in the law that would prevent you from going that route.

If he leaves, good, ask for alimony.

Unload him and get a pleasant, - paying roommate.

[ In Reply To ..]
It sounds like 98% of your stress is from him. Get rid of that and then work on the other.

That's what I did... - Abby

[ In Reply To ..]
When I kicked a deadbeat out after a 6 year "relationship". It worked out so well. I offered my master bedroom and bath for rent for $400 a month (in the 80's), you can get more now. They had also kitchen privileges. Did this for several years without any problems. It's very important to check references first though, which can be tricky as people who only rent rooms often don't have any references. Today you can get a lot of info by Googling them and checking FB.

Before you break it off: Close any joint accounts and put all your money in a new account under your name only. It's also a good idea to photograph your belongings of value and note serial numbers. Finally change the locks. I'm hoping for the best for you!

Consult a lawyer - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
My niece just filed for divorce and the house was in her name. She threw her husband out and changed the locks. I'm sure it depends on what state you live in, but if it can be done, I think you should consult a lawyer and see if you can force him to move out and even try to get some alimony. Once that albatross is off your neck, you will feel different about the job situation. I think your local unemployment office may be a good resource for that. They can help you get your resume brushed up and get you some leads on a new job that might be a better fit for you than soul-sucking MT.

Read his description and thought narcissist. - GottaGo

[ In Reply To ..]
The first time I read a description of a narcissist -- about 2 weeks after breaking up with my last BF -- my blood ran cold. All of a sudden nothing that made any sense at all made PERFECT sense. Does he come off to the outside as just the greatest guy ever but inside your house he is an unholy terror? When you first met him, was he extremely awesome, best boyfriend EVER, and you thought you'd finally met Mr. Right ... only for him to change completely on you very quickly once he thought he had you? Does he fly into rages? Can he not take even the slightest suggestion of how to do something different/better? If so, you might have a narcissist on your hands. Start looking up "covert narcissist" on the Narcissist Support channel on YouTube as a great launching point. What a mess.

Now, as far as the work stuff: I think the suggestion to get him out and get a paying roommate into your master bedroom/bath is a great idea. Secondarily, I'd recommend selling on eBay. It's a great way to make extra cash. You can start out by selling what you already have in your house. No initial capital investment required. I didn't have a printer or a postal scale when I started (I used my Weight Watchers scale!). I've posted my progress with this over time here and just came back for the first time in a long time to do an update. I've progressed to the point where I've just hired my first part-time employee. Business is booming. I started doing eBay after reading a post several years ago about a woman who made $800 in her first month on eBay just selling stuff from her closet and stuff that was laying around. That gave me the idea, and I took it and ran with it and have been growing my business ever since. Again, YouTube is your friend here. Hundreds of eBay tutorials out there.

I definitely understand being beaten down. Life can and will get better for you, luv!

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Moderator: Was The Military Vote Thread Delete Just A Nov 09, 2012
The board is getting out of control and could use a wholesale clean up or is this what we have to look forward to for the unforeseeable future?  This environment is making it impossible to use the forum for its original intent.  Isn't there anything you can do to help? ...

The Tolerance Thread/response/re Byrd/one PersonMar 19, 2013
It seems to have disappeared.  I'm not going to inquire about why it's gone, but I did want to repost my reply regarding associating modern-day Democrats with Byrd and the fact that there was only one person caught making a statement on tape.  --Byrd  was over 40 years ago. Surely we can't use Robert Byrd and other racist Southern Democrats circa pre-1960s as examples of who modern day Democrats identify with, no more than we could use Lincoln as a modern day R ...

The Gay Obama Thread Is Gone But The Limbaugh Prezdant PowahMay 27, 2013
With all due respect, Moderator, I don't see the consistency here. especially since the Gay Obama thread actually evolved into a political discussion and was pretty civil. As always, I appeciate this forum and respect your discretion, but I think our skin was pretty thick and resiliant on the Gay Obama thread.  I know you can't be here 24/7, but it's a shame a post that remained as long as the Gay Obama post did, with the offending post probably being the subject thread, th ...

I Was Encouraged To Start A New Thread So I Will. Why Do Cons Celebrate Latest SCOTUS Ruling But Jun 27, 2014
Why is this one right, but not ACA or Roe V Wade? ...

Down The Board In The "According To The CBO" Thread, Someone Mentioned...Feb 07, 2013
hoping "to be one of the 7 million who no longer have EMPLOYMENT-BASED insurance."  I'm hoping this as well and wonder if anyone might be more familiar with the new regs than I am.  My question is, if your employer does offer "affordable" insurance but it totally stinks (e.g., high deductible, no co-pays for Rx until full deductible met, etc.) and the Federal or State Exchange offers a better plan that's similarly priced, can one opt out of their employer plan and go with the ...