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Please, would like your honest opinion...
Posted: Oct 21, 2014
My husband passed away recently. We were married, had 2 daughters and were divorced, then, we got back together and remarried 3 years ago. Our daughters are in their 30s now.
As he was going through the dying phase, he told me I would get money that he paid into. The problem is that he wrote the girls names in the policy as beneficiaries because at that time, we were not married. And he did not update that info after we got back together and remarried. He assured me this was taken care of. But, unfortunately he was lazy and I had no idea where this account was or what it was named, yadda, yadda.
After many hours on the phone talking to everyone I could to find the money, I found it. The lady said yes, there is money and I literally prayed to God thank you. Only thing I didn't know was that the girls would actually get the money. Half each of a lot of money. The girls have decided the money was theirs and they wanted their part. I reluctantly agreed to this as I didn't see another choice. They think I am lying about their dad not leaving them that money. They know that I got nothing. I told them it was mine and they say it's not. They have agreed to split it 3 ways. The first check came today and the initial check was in the thousands. They said I don't get any of that, just the 200 and something dollars each month from the both of them. Comes out to 500 and something a month. I tried to explain that this was extra, accounts making interest and they passed it along to the girls. The girls tell me, no, you just get the 500 and somthing a month from the 2 of them. No extra from today's big check, 3,300 and something. They are cold as ice. I have never known either one of them to be so hateful. They both have big bills to pay and when I say I do too, they say it's not their problem. At this point, the money is secondary. I felt like I have just lost my husband and my daughters. I am sick to my stomach. I dont' know what is going to happen. I am really crushed over this. Anyone's opinion please.
;
talk to an attorney... you get all marital property - including money
[ In Reply To ..]They are being bullies. He made out the will before you got married and marital law trumps the prior will. That is your money. Do not turn it over to them at all until you speak to an attorney.
So sorry to hear! - greengrass
[ In Reply To ..]I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you. I feel bad for you that your relationship with your daughters is damaged. I am the type of person who would give up the money to save the relationship but that is easier said than done if you really need the money now that you are a widow. My husband inherited some money and it really damaged our relationship because we argued about how to spend it and he ended up losing it all because of foolish mistakes. We are still married, but things are not the same between us and I don't know if they ever will be. It's so sad how money affects relationships. If you truly feel the money is secondary now, then tell them that. Tell them that you are sorry for letting the money come between you and just thank them for any money they willingly give you in the future. It sounds like legally they didn't have to give you any of it so if they are giving you any of it, accept it with grace and gratitude.
My thoughts exactly greengrass - the OP is lucky she is getting a dime
[ In Reply To ..]maybe she is the one being the bully?!?
If you want the money, then an attorney is your best bet, however--sm - anon
[ In Reply To ..]I would first see if you can get a free consultation. I would also let your girls know that you are speaking to an attorney too. One question is how much of the money would be lost to the attorney and would it be worth it to you, not only to lose the money but for the way it will continue to affect your relationship with your daughters. Those are questions that only you have the answer to.
depends on type of account - sereneone
[ In Reply To ..]Some states have laws governing estates so that a spouse CANNOT be cut out of a will, either deliberately or thru laziness. However, depending on what type of account your husband had it may be outside of the estate. Try to do as someone else suggested and contact an attorney for a free consultation before going any further and realize that fighting over money will probably destroy whatever relationship is left with your daughters, though frankly it doesn't sound like there's really much to begin with if they are being that cold and hateful as you say.
Money can destroy families. - sm
[ In Reply To ..]I sympathize with you, OP. Your daughters have let greed replace common sense and compassion for their mother. I'm sure if the tables were turned and your husband left ALL of his money to you, in a formal agreement, you would share a portion with your girls. Shame on them!
I've seen my share of families being torn apart because of a Will (or lack thereof). My mother and her 2 brothers went for years without speaking after my grandma died. She didn't even leave that much money! My mom had been the sole caretaker of her mother (financially and physically) for the last 10 years of her life, whereas my uncles never lifted a finger to help. So Grandma left what little money she had to my mom. Mom had planned to keep half the money and split the other half between her brothers. Well, this wasn't good enough for them, and they badgered and harrassed her until she finally agreed to split it 3 ways. One of my uncles died soon thereafter, without ever having "made up" with Mom. She was crushed. She and her other brother finally started talking after that.
money - Effie
[ In Reply To ..]If the money that was left was a life insurance policy, you have no rights to that money, it belongs to your daughters. Life insurance can be left to anyone, regardless of whether one has a spouse.
Thanks all and, I have decided to... - none
[ In Reply To ..]shut my mouth, take the one-third they promised me (unless they decide I don't get any). As one of you all said, at least that way, there is something. I need the money right now so I won't be on the street. And, the money is spread out over 3 years. The money is not worth losing my daughters. If anyone had ever told me prior to this that my daughters could do something like this, I would have told them, you don't know my girls, we have such love....I can't quit crying. So, I will not waste that emotion again. THANKS SO MUCH for all of you taking the time to write.
Like you, almost same happened to me when I was - left money from my father
[ In Reply To ..]My son and I were always close when he was growing up, never would I have thought any different.... but before my father died he gave away quite a bit of money, even gave my son (his grandson) $60,000.00. He gave me more but I was his next of kin, his wife deceased, brothers, sisters all gone, I had no living siblings so only me. I asked my father if outliving him could I have his lake side residence and that was set up. After his death I went by my son's home to give him the family Bible and gold pocket watch my father left him and he told me that "you got it all." I asked him what did you say and he repeated that. Here I had raised him from a child without any outside help and then that to his mother? I gave up then, finished and that was the last time I have seen him, 2005 until now and he lives about 15 minutes from me. I will never have a child of mine or someone else to show such disrespect. No tears over this but surprised about how I thought he was towards his mother, was I wrong.
I don't get it...and I didn't really get it last - time u posted either...
[ In Reply To ..]your son, your father's grandson, got 60k from your father. You, the daughter, got everything else including a lakeside house save for the pocket watch and whatever other memento he left for your son...so his statement, "you got it all" meant you ('evil, manipulating witch')--"you got it all and I got nothing...?" Is that it? So you never speak to each other again as a result...this is a terrible story, but it seems you're leaving out a part or two or ten, because it really doesn't make any sense. Was your son expecting a 50/50 split upon your father's death? The lakehouse? Will your son not ultimately inherit all the rest, whatever it is... from you? Feel free to provide more info, because I'm just not getting it...thanks.
confused also. sounds like the property was worth more than - 60K plus with added sentimental value
[ In Reply To ..]what else were you after??? If it is money you want surely you could sell the property. Not worth losing a relationship over with your child.
nm - nm
[ In Reply To ..]nm
What else was I after- is that your - question?
[ In Reply To ..]I was never after anything. My father (divorced from my mother since I was 5) never gave me much of anything except a $25.00 check on my birthday each year. He was so cheap probably had the first check he ever made. He and his wife (my stepmom) lived a very frugal life, no new cars, no new drapes, not much of anything new. I went to see my father because he was my father, no other reason. After my stepmom died he started giving away some money then. He was 87 years old, 87 - a lot of people are gone by that age. Oh, forgot- he did buy me a pair of skates when I was 15 besides the b'day checks. Never expected anything and totally surprised when he first gave me a check for $10,000.00. He gave money to his nieces, nephews, bought a new church bell/tower for his church. Why after I raised a child and did everything humanly possible for him would I stand by and let him speak to me because he did not in the long run receive as much as I did? Are you serious? Maybe if he had taken the time to visit his grandfather (2 1/2 hours away from his home) say once a year it might have been different for him in the outcome. As his daughter I visited my father and did for him as much as I could because he was my father. Expect something, sell something to be able to keep in touch with a child who totally disrespects me- are you serious?
I would have been happy with the Bible - sm
[ In Reply To ..]I guess I'm just sentimental. I would rather have something that was dear to the person that I lost.
What you stated as in you got it all and I got - only $60,000 from my grandfather
[ In Reply To ..]was like it was said. First of all, I do not owe him a part of anything. I got some dishes when my grandmother died but he was upset about not getting more than $60,000? This was my father, his grandfather. Why would he expect a 50/50 split? There were other grandchildren besides him, he was not the only g'child but I was my father's only living child. The lake property was sold several years ago. I raised him on my own with no help from his father and that is it as far as the story. Don't know why it doesn't make sense because he got upset because I got more money than he did. Right being right, I should have really gotten it all but I didn't.
Unfortunately, because he didn't update and you didn't see SM - acuteMLS
[ In Reply To ..]proof that he updated everything when you remarried, rightfully the money is theirs and not yours at all.
If you choose to take this to court, it's going to ruin an already bad relationship with them AND it's not likely you will get anything. He had free will the whole time and could have chosen to update it and didn't.
I don't know why you still feel it's yours. It's not. This conversation should have been had with him years ago and changes made.
I had a similar situation - Dinosaur MT
[ In Reply To ..]My mother died in 2004. She had 2 policies. She told the insurance company to do the second policy like the first one. They didn't. So, the money, which was supposed to come to my brother and I, went to my stepfather. He was supposed to sign off on it so we could have it, but his children talked him into keeping it. There was nothing we could do legally as the next of kin on a policy without a listed beneficiary gets the money. In your case, he had your daughters on the policy and so that is where the money will go. I can not even imagine how your daughters could do that to you. That is horrible. However, I don't think there is anything you will be able to do about it. Money does strange things to people that you thought would never happen. Years ago when I was married, my father-in-law had a Will that he put a line in because of his belief that one of his children would be a problem when he died. The clause said that anyone who disputed the Will would get only $1.
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and the problems with your daughters. That is just not right. They should be concerned about taking care of their mother.
great clause!! - East MT
[ In Reply To ..]I will have to remember that
You have to know just like DNR can be overridden, same - with wills
[ In Reply To ..]This I know personally. My grandmother took care of her half-brother for years. He lived with her as did her daughter, my aunt. When the uncle died he left most to my grandmother. (My grandmother had died prior to his demise and he had to go to a nursing home). There were 3 nieces and my mother was one of the nieces he had. My mother never really played a part in his upkeep and not mentioned in his will but she protested the will and got as much as the other 2 sisters did. A will is not set in stone always.
Unfortunately.... - sm
[ In Reply To ..]Legally, I do not think you have a leg to stand on. If hubby names the daughters as beneficiaries on a policy, or put their name on an account, naming the funds theirs upon his death, that is exactly what will happen. It is legally theirs. What I really don't get, is they could probably see the date that they were named beneficiaries of these funds, which is when you two divorced. They would also know when you guys remarried. This then becomes a moral issue, and it happens in many families. Yes, you lost what you thought were your daughters. If the above is true, then they are not who you thought they were. If I were you, I would just be grateful that they agreed to split these funds 3 ways with you. They do not have to do that. As for your relationship with them, it is going to be forever changed. You will never get over it, but eventually you will learn to live with it.
I am so very sorry this happened to you. I was in your shoes about 25 years ago, though the family dynamics were somewhat different, and it still hurts me to this day.
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